My daughter's pet Platypus is driving me nuts

Bicycle Repairman
09-20-2003, 09:31 PM
Okay, here's the situation...

Now that the weather has turned cooler, Pia the Platypus has moved indoors from the pond out back of Stately Repairman Manor to the hot tub next to the swimming pool. Before my morning swim, I must scoop up the poop found floating using my golf ball retriever, and believe you me, there's a lot of poop!

On top of all that, Pia eats almost exclusively a diet of giant tiger prawns and turns up her leathery bill-like snout to less expensive options like worms or imitation crab meat. I can tell you from personal experience what smell a Platypus gives off with such a diet, and it isn't Roses.

All well and good, you might say. Except for one important fact: Platypi have to be about the most useless creatures on God's Green Earth. I can't possibly understand what purpose they serve. While we all know of the unusual fauna in Australia (some that feature up to five orifices), I can't help but think this mutant species is nothing more than proof that Darwin's theory is out of whack. There's absolutely no endearing qualities this animal has. They show nothing in their behavior that can be considered the least bit pet-like. Plus, Pia really freaks out the dogs. They won't go anywhere near the swimming pool.

How do I break it to my daughter that I want Pia gone? And would the SPCA accept a Platypus?

Oilers Hockey
09-20-2003, 09:34 PM
Platypus are half-mammal, half-bird right? Aren't they also poisonous? They have a venomous barb on their bodies that can make a child very sick.

Bicycle Repairman
09-20-2003, 09:34 PM
Platypus are half-mammal, half-bird right? Aren't they also poisonous? They have a venomous barb on their bodies that can make a child very sick.
Only the males.

Oilers Hockey
09-20-2003, 09:37 PM
Ah I see. I think the most useless animal is a mosquito, what are they good for?

Anyway, thats quite the exotic pet! I never heard of someone who had a pet platypus! If I could have an exotic pet, a toucan would be my choice. :)

Lowetide
09-20-2003, 09:46 PM
As a father of a daughter, I think we both know how this will end. Happy poop scooping! :D

#37-#93-#27*
09-20-2003, 09:49 PM
that is a very unique animal, just out of curiousity how big is it and how did you get it?

I've had a few exotic pets myself but nothing that unique Tarantulas, Scorpions, Chameleons, Python and Boa. My sister had a hedge hog too which is really cool


and for contribution, I would try to explain to her that Pia needs to go and then compensate with a smaller more easier kept pet equally exotic and interesting!

Jewelly
09-20-2003, 09:58 PM
I can't help but think this mutant species is nothing more than proof that Darwin's theory is out of whack.Don't you mean quack? :p

dempsey_k*
09-20-2003, 10:01 PM
The solution is simple Bicycle Repairman : release your dogs on the platypus, and say you thought it was Postman. Honest mistake, happens all the time, especially with vacuum salesmen.

Jewelly
09-20-2003, 10:05 PM
The solution is simple Bicycle Repairman : release your dogs on the platypus, and say you thought it was Postman. Honest mistake, happens all the time, especially with vacuum salesmen.:lol:

Bicycle Repairman
09-20-2003, 10:12 PM
that is a very unique animal, just out of curiousity how big is it and how did you get it?
and for contribution, I would try to explain to her that Pia needs to go and then compensate with a smaller more easier kept pet equally exotic and interesting!

It's about the size of your common housecat, but eats far more, often approaching it's own weight in a day sometimes. Absolutely voracious appetite.

Pia was obtained through channels the wife had with an Australian game warden. Canada Customs were flummoxed, as there was no official policy on this animal, so in the end I suppose we ended up setting precendent.

My home already is a host to a menagerie of exotic animals (birds mainly). All of which I can deal with outside of this damn platypus.

Bicycle Repairman
09-20-2003, 10:13 PM
The solution is simple Bicycle Repairman : release your dogs on the platypus, and say you thought it was Postman. Honest mistake, happens all the time, especially with vacuum salesmen.

Problem is, they won't go near it.

Wild Thing
09-20-2003, 10:13 PM
Originally Posted by hemskyfan -

Platypus are half-mammal, half-bird right? Aren't they also poisonous? They have a venomous barb on their bodies that can make a child very sick.

Only the males.

Ah, well, there you have it - that's perfect then. Your daughter has a pet that can't ever make her sick, but will make all of her boyfriends very ill. Every father's dream!

Bicycle Repairman
09-20-2003, 10:17 PM
Ah, well, there you have it - that's perfect then. Your daughter has a pet that can't ever make her sick, but will make all of her boyfriends very ill. Every father's dream!

I wish! Unfortunately, you're mistaken. It's male platypi to which I was refering.

dempsey_k*
09-20-2003, 10:19 PM
Problem is, they won't go near it.

Slap it with some gloves, demand satisfaction, if it doesn't show up, it is a coward, and must live out it's days in the mudroom with Chevy Chase's rotting corpse.

Postman
09-20-2003, 11:24 PM
The solution is simple Bicycle Repairman : release your dogs on the platypus, and say you thought it was Postman. Honest mistake, happens all the time, especially with vacuum salesmen.

That wouldn't fly, unless you were to arm the platypus with a few automatic weapons.

Speaking of vacuum sales... isn't your mother in a related business?

dempsey_k*
09-20-2003, 11:38 PM
Speaking of vacuum sales... isn't your mother in a related business?

Yes she's a moderator on a vbulletin forum.

Bicycle Repairman
09-21-2003, 12:06 AM
I don't mind the Capybaras (pets of my other daughter), they're not bad considering they are basically 120 lb Guinea Pigs. Yea, they poop a lot, but it's contained to a litter box. They are quite docile for the most part and very affectionate. You can teach 'em tricks and stuff. You can leash them and take them for walks in the park (although you have to keep them away from dogs). However, they do like melons. Once melons are out of season, they switch to green leaf vegetables. Although large, they are low-maintenance pets. They make some endearing sounds, grunts and barks mostly. Quite delightful pets for the family, really.

The platypus, on the other hand, is an abomination of nature. What a vile creature.

Ironchef Chris Wok*
09-21-2003, 05:01 AM
Btw, does the platypus serve ANY purpose in it's original habitat, and what role in the food chain does it play?

The G Man
09-21-2003, 06:00 AM
Is this a duck billed platypus? If so, they hate being named "Pia."

klingsor
09-21-2003, 06:24 AM
BR, don't break your little girl's heart.

Not surprised there's a lot of poop. Seems this critter can devour its own body weight in one night:

Platypus
Address:http://home.mira.net/~areadman/plat.htm Changed:5:48 AM on Monday, September 1, 2003

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

kira
09-21-2003, 06:25 AM
I'm surprised the local Animal Control hasn't gotten some complaints on this.

I must say, though, your daughters have some unusual pets. Does this trait run in the family? :joker:

Dump the platypus and get a ferret...they're much more fun.

Mizral
09-21-2003, 07:45 AM
Be careful now, Repairman. As I'm sure you've been quite well informed, the Platipus has strong venom, though I'm unsure how it extretes it.

Perhaps you should consult those you purchased the animal from for more practical feeding options. Surely the beasts cannot eat so stately in the wild, so there must be other alternatives.

Unholy Diver
09-21-2003, 09:18 AM
what in the heck do you do with a platypus?

does it play with your daughter like a dog or anything like that

oilers_guy_eddie
09-21-2003, 09:55 AM
BR, does it belong to the daughter with the GPS tracking device in her tooth, or the one who has caused the ongoing legal battle with respect to grade point average? If it's the latter, you may have just found yourself another bargaining chip. Have your lawyer contact her lawyer and suggest that her refusal to accept a reasonable compromise, combined with ongoing legal fees, is starting to make the daily bucket of tiger-prawns an expensive non-option.

Buffaloed
09-21-2003, 12:52 PM
I don't mind the Capybaras (pets of my other daughter), they're not bad considering they are basically 120 lb Guinea Pigs.

Did you know that the capybara is considered a fish by the Catholic church? The rodent roundup in Venezuela commences in February so they can be eaten during Lent. Some 400 tons are consumed each year according to various articles.

http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capybara
The flesh is described as tasting like swine and has a whitish appearance similar to pork.

There's definitely some money to be made here through ruthless exploitation. We could sell excursions to Venezuela where one could spend a week as a "capybara cowboy".

Capybara- the other white meat