Cap'n Flavour
07-17-2006, 09:03 AM
Now I don't know about you but I am somewhat concerned about the status of goaltending, a position at which the Leafs have traditionally excelled. As such, I have done an objective and scientific analysis to attempt to determine how the Leafs goaltending situation has changed over the past few seasons and what to expect from our current crew.
Felix Potvin
As you all know, Felix Potvin was nicknamed 'The Cat' partly because of his cat-like reflexes but mostly because he strongly resembled the cartoon cat of the same first name. However, putting bias aside for a moment we will examine the benefits of a cat-like goaltender. As previously mentioned, cats have excellent reflexes and are extraordinarily agile for their size. They are well-trained at tracking and pouncing on small objects such as mice, tuna cans and hockey pucks, which would seem to make them ideal for the goaltending position. And these traits did allow Felix to post several very impressive seasons as a Maple Leaf, but unfortunately he succumbed to the major flaws of cats. The first problem is that cats can appear lazy and disinterested at times, the former due to their frequent naps and the latter due to the fact that they are cats. These problems are compounded by the fact that cats simply do not age well and lose much of their agility and hunting ability in the process. As such, while Felix was a great goaltender in his prime with the Leafs, he could not continue that level of play after he was traded.
Curtis Joseph
The natural enemy of domesticated cats is of course the dog. Curtis "Cujo" Joseph was nicknamed after a rabid dog that terrorized a small, helpless community. Now dogs, like cats, are excellent hunters, though more suitable for larger objects than pucks and for longer-range retrieval. Nonetheless, they share many of the same positive traits as cats, with the additional benefit of being larger and friendlier towards humans. As well, Curtis' longevity with the Leafs can be attributed to the loyal and obedient nature of dogs, albeit slightly lessened in the case of rabid dogs. Still, rabid or not, dogs are more capable of focusing over a 60-minute span than cats, as they are less likely to simply plop down and go to sleep. As such, it is no wonder than Curtis was the longest-lasting of recent Leafs goaltenders, if not capable of putting up the best numbers.
Ed Belfour
As Curtis' time in Toronto expired, he was replaced by Eddie "The Eagle" Belfour. What really needs to be said about eagles that isn't widely known? Eagles are peerless hunters with superb vision and sharp, powerful claws and beaks. While this makes them excellent hunters and adept at identifying and stopping moving objects at high speed, they do have many flaws. Firstly, they aren't very big and thus have trouble covering the lower portions of a net, where flying is impossible. Secondly, while they are excellent maneuvering at high speeds, their agility from a resting position is highly questionable. This is especially problematic in hockey rinks, where goaltenders are expected to remain at most 6 feet above the ice. As such, it is no wonder that Belfour's success as a Maple Leaf was limited to two seasons, as age caught up to him and NHL shooters began crowding the crease with five-hole shots and bird treats.
Andrew Raycroft
The Leafs' current starting goaltender is easily the most worrisome of the bunch. Known as the 'Razor' or 'Rayzor' (a nickname previously given to Rob Ray), he is by far the least suited to being an NHL goaltender. Firstly, razors can't move on their own, in stark contrast to the previous three animals. They're also pretty small and rather thin, leaving them unable to play a positional style. And what are razors known for? That's right, shaving and botched suicide attempts. Personally, I don't think any of those abilities are really necessary in a hockey goaltender.
Clearly we have established that the Leafs' goaltending is in the worst shape it has been in years and will not improve until a goaltender with a more suitable nickname is found. My solution? It should have been Nikolai 'The Bulin Wall' Khabibulin. I mean, what could possibly be better than a wall, provided all of the bricks are filled in? JFJ has clearly dropped the ball on this one and Toronto Maple Leafs fans will be paying the price for years to come.
Felix Potvin
As you all know, Felix Potvin was nicknamed 'The Cat' partly because of his cat-like reflexes but mostly because he strongly resembled the cartoon cat of the same first name. However, putting bias aside for a moment we will examine the benefits of a cat-like goaltender. As previously mentioned, cats have excellent reflexes and are extraordinarily agile for their size. They are well-trained at tracking and pouncing on small objects such as mice, tuna cans and hockey pucks, which would seem to make them ideal for the goaltending position. And these traits did allow Felix to post several very impressive seasons as a Maple Leaf, but unfortunately he succumbed to the major flaws of cats. The first problem is that cats can appear lazy and disinterested at times, the former due to their frequent naps and the latter due to the fact that they are cats. These problems are compounded by the fact that cats simply do not age well and lose much of their agility and hunting ability in the process. As such, while Felix was a great goaltender in his prime with the Leafs, he could not continue that level of play after he was traded.
Curtis Joseph
The natural enemy of domesticated cats is of course the dog. Curtis "Cujo" Joseph was nicknamed after a rabid dog that terrorized a small, helpless community. Now dogs, like cats, are excellent hunters, though more suitable for larger objects than pucks and for longer-range retrieval. Nonetheless, they share many of the same positive traits as cats, with the additional benefit of being larger and friendlier towards humans. As well, Curtis' longevity with the Leafs can be attributed to the loyal and obedient nature of dogs, albeit slightly lessened in the case of rabid dogs. Still, rabid or not, dogs are more capable of focusing over a 60-minute span than cats, as they are less likely to simply plop down and go to sleep. As such, it is no wonder than Curtis was the longest-lasting of recent Leafs goaltenders, if not capable of putting up the best numbers.
Ed Belfour
As Curtis' time in Toronto expired, he was replaced by Eddie "The Eagle" Belfour. What really needs to be said about eagles that isn't widely known? Eagles are peerless hunters with superb vision and sharp, powerful claws and beaks. While this makes them excellent hunters and adept at identifying and stopping moving objects at high speed, they do have many flaws. Firstly, they aren't very big and thus have trouble covering the lower portions of a net, where flying is impossible. Secondly, while they are excellent maneuvering at high speeds, their agility from a resting position is highly questionable. This is especially problematic in hockey rinks, where goaltenders are expected to remain at most 6 feet above the ice. As such, it is no wonder that Belfour's success as a Maple Leaf was limited to two seasons, as age caught up to him and NHL shooters began crowding the crease with five-hole shots and bird treats.
Andrew Raycroft
The Leafs' current starting goaltender is easily the most worrisome of the bunch. Known as the 'Razor' or 'Rayzor' (a nickname previously given to Rob Ray), he is by far the least suited to being an NHL goaltender. Firstly, razors can't move on their own, in stark contrast to the previous three animals. They're also pretty small and rather thin, leaving them unable to play a positional style. And what are razors known for? That's right, shaving and botched suicide attempts. Personally, I don't think any of those abilities are really necessary in a hockey goaltender.
Clearly we have established that the Leafs' goaltending is in the worst shape it has been in years and will not improve until a goaltender with a more suitable nickname is found. My solution? It should have been Nikolai 'The Bulin Wall' Khabibulin. I mean, what could possibly be better than a wall, provided all of the bricks are filled in? JFJ has clearly dropped the ball on this one and Toronto Maple Leafs fans will be paying the price for years to come.