New Management in Ottawa; fans revolt!

01-22-2004, 03:25 PM

January 22, 2004

In a startling turn of events; the Ottawa Senators are finally under new management. The HFNHL board of governors laboured over a decision for nearly two weeks but finally settled on current NHL fan; Keith Fernandes. It seemed certain that other more suitable candidates would be found to head the team; but in the end it was Fernandes who was given the reigns.

It was an unpopular choice among Senator fans. Fan who remember Fernandes as the die-hard 19 year old Maple Leaf fan who wore a wig resembling Daniel Alfreddson's hair style during the last NHL encounter.

It seems that Fernandes won't be too out of place; as the Senators have thrown their money around foolishly and they have a high payroll with a very old roster. Not unlike the stereotypical view of the NHL's Toronto Maple Leafs. Fernandes arrived in Ottawa earlier this afternoon and held a small press conference where he made the following comments.

"Hello. Helloooooo Ottawa. *cough* Senatorssuck *cough*. I am pleased to take over as the general manager of this proud HFNHL franchise.

I promise to make this team better. How you say ? By adding more Toronto Maple Leaf players! Changes will be made and they will be made soon.

For one; ticket prices in Ottawa are ridiculous. $50 ?! That's the price of a hot-dog at the ACC. That being said, I understand that the Canadian government and Corel do not pay that well, and therefore $50 dollars seems a bit steep. We are definitely looking in to lowering ticket prices by the All-Star break.

Secondly; I'm a bitter man. I hold grudges.There are certain players on the team that have refused me autographs in the past. They shall be Carolina.

Thirdly; HOW IN THE BLUE BLAZES DO YOU NOT HAVE A KRISPY KREME ? I am going to be dumping Adam Graves and his salary shall go towards the cost of airlifting weekly cases of donuts from Toronto.

Fourth; I've always wanted to skate on that Rideau canal thingy; so I'll see you guys later. I've got some skating to do"

It looks like tumultous times for the Senators franchise. Team looking to lose nearly 6 million dollars. General Manager seems more interested in outdoor skating and tantalizing, fresh, hot, glazed, donuts.....

If you would like to sign an online petition to change current Senators' management please visit

-Dash Domi

Ohio Jones
01-22-2004, 04:30 PM
Mmmm... donuts... (drool noises)

Er, I mean, welcome aboard, Keith! No doubt there will be a substantial amount of acrimony from sens faithful at your selection, but I suspect you'll quickly find that while you continue to despise the NHL Sens (with reason - right, Laurens? :rolly: ), you'll come to love your own squad.

Good luck!

Douglas Emerson

Ohio Jones
01-22-2004, 04:31 PM
(P.S. - is it just me, or does the guy in your avatar look like Rudy from the Cosby Kids?)

01-22-2004, 05:43 PM

01-22-2004, 05:58 PM
Leafs Suck...;)

Call me about Antropuff...I'm sure we can work something out! ;)

Welcome aboard Keith! G'Luck with everything!

Don't worry about the wig thing...I've already got my Sundin Swedish Olympic Javelin team uniform ready for the next Sens vs. Leafs game!

01-22-2004, 06:06 PM
I bought my Angry Fan Revolt Tool Kit this afternoon.


1 Pitch Fork
1 Easy-loading Shotgun
1 Bullet Proof Vest
3 Car Bombs
4 Cans of Spray Paint

This means mayhem.

01-22-2004, 07:19 PM
GO Leafs GO!!!!!

Admit it your all Leafs fans deep down inside and you all suffer from brain freeze in that cold city up there in the middle of nowhere....Hell I'm 6'3 and the snow banks are taller then me.

Leafs are winning with injuries and a suppossedly crappy D....could the Sens do the same? Oh and when was the last time the Sens won a Cup...1927!!!...Who was there coach?....Art Ross! Geez the guy even has a trophy named after him its been so long....

Sens......hack ptui! I spit on you! hack ptui

01-22-2004, 08:10 PM
Dion, does this mean that you'll actually have someone interested in Rob Reichel now? :lol:

01-22-2004, 08:31 PM
Dion, does this mean that you'll actually have someone interested in Rob Reichel now? :lol:

Reichel ain't going anywhere man... C'mon, if it wasn't for the approx 300 better players than him, he would be a superstar in this league. You know it and I know it Oshie... :yo: