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-   -   OT: Happy Festivus! - The Holiday for the Rest of Us (http://hfboards.hockeysfuture.com/showthread.php?t=1061179)

Wetcoaster 12-22-2011 11:29 AM

Happy Festivus! - The Holiday for the Rest of Us
 
It is almost here... December 23 - so tonight is Festivus Eve!!!!!

Happy Festivus!!! - The Holiday for the Rest of Us

What is Festivus??? Well I am glad that you asked because I can now post a long and detailed account and separate Festivus fact from fiction. Here is the romanticized version popularized by Seinfeld - the Show About Nothing:


There is a public Festivus gathering being held in Vancouver tonight. Vancouver Minglers are hosting a "Festivus for the rest of us" event tonight at The Tap at 5 p.m.
http://todovancouver.com/2011/12/fes...f-us-dec-22nd/


AHHHHH.... the Airing of Grievances (kind of a blood sport on HF Forums year round) and Feats of Strength.

http://davidmccradden.files.wordpres...pg?w=485&h=323

http://www.festivus.biz/challenge.jpg

The beautiful FESTIVUS Pole - an unadorned aluminium pole (very high strength-to-weight ratio). Like so many I find tinsel on the traditional tree so distracting. It is also very easy to store when not being used during the Festivus season - slide it under a bed, stand it up in a storage closet. etc. And it is eco-friendly.

http://www.festivuspoles.com/pages/f...es-recycle.jpg

Even politicians celebrate this happy event. In 2005, Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle was declared "Governor Festivus" and during the holiday season displayed a Festivus Pole in the family room of the Executive Residence in Madison, Wisconsin. Governor Doyle's 2005 Festivus Pole is now part of the collection of the Wisconsin Historical Museum.

http://www.festivuspoles.com/pages/f.../large/001.jpg

Modern observances of FESTIVUS tend to feature heavy drinking, including copious amounts beer, rum, bourbon, or wine and especially Scotch (single malt 12 year old preferably The Macallan) - my kind of holiday.

http://midwesthumanists.files.wordpr...y_festivus.jpg

Many myths have grown up around Festivus. This is understandable given that its true origins have been shrouded in the mists of time - Festivus actually dates all the way back to 1966.

Festivus, a holiday most believe was invented on an episode of "Seinfeld" first broadcast the week before Christmas in 1997. Festivus was NOT invented by Frank Costanza of Seinfeld. It is not a fictional holiday popularized by "The Show About Nothing" - that was a fictionalized treatment.

Festivus was brought to the world by wise man (wise guy?) Dan O'Keefe in 1966 and his son Daniel was a writer on Seinfeld who adapted this joyous event for television. Festivus grew from classic rituals like familial gatherings, totemic-but-mysterious objects and respect for ancestors. For example according to Daniel O'Keefe "There was a clock in a paper bag" but no one had clue what it symbolized.

However credit must be given to Seinfeld for bringing this wonderful holiday with its peculiar practises to the masses. If Dan O'Keefe is the real father of Festivus, Jerry Stiller, the actor who played Frank Costanza, George Costanza's father, is its Santa Claus to put it in terms those who follow that weird ritual of Christmas might understand.

Other myths:

Festivus does not replace Christmas temporally (or the Holiday Season if you wish to be politically correct) as it is celebrated today on December 23, 2010 instead of in February as originally set down in the "'Keefe Gospels.

Seinfeld cheapened the idea of the Festivus miracle:
Miracle #1;

Sleazy Guy: "Hello again, Miss Benes."
Elaine Benes: "What are you doing here?"
Sleazy Guy: "Damnedest thing. Me and Charlie were calling to ask you out, and, uh, we got this bagel place."
Cosmo Kramer: "I told them I was just about to see you. It's a Festivus Miracle!"

Miracle #2;

Gwen: "Jerry!"
Jerry Seinfeld: "Gwen! How did you know I was here?"
Gwen: "Kramer told me!"
Cosmo Kramer: "Another Festivus Miracle!"
A true Festivus miracle would be something such as the Maple Leafs making the play-offs.

And food and drink differs from true Festivus as compared to the Seinfeld version. The on-air Seinfeld meal was shown to be some sort of meatloaf. The original holiday dinner in the O'Keefe household featured turkey or ham followed by a Pepperidge Farm cake decorated with M&M's. And lots of alcohol... that was not served during the Seinfeld depiction but George Costanza's boss, Mr. Kruger, drinks from a hip flask.

For those of you who wish to participate in this long time (44 year old) tradition there are even downloads of a feats of strength challenge card, a list of grievances form and Festivus greeting cards, including one that reads, in a Hallmark-like typeface, "You're a disappointment! Happy Festivus!" It is a great help in planning a Festivus gathering although be aware it has the more fictionalized approach to Festivus popularized by Seinfeld.
http://www.kwillis.com/festivus.html


Although it is a little late now you can order your Festivus Pole on-line for next year...
http://www.festivuspoles.com/pages/Festivuspoles.htm

And the Festivus poles and other accessories are now available in Canada:
http://www.retrofestive.ca/festivus/

Both full size (six foot) Festivus Pole
http://www.retrofestive.ca/product_i...87838_zoom.jpg

And tabletop versions and a 2 Foot 8 Inch Table Top Festivus Pole Kit:
http://www.retrofestive.ca/product_i...82475_zoom.jpg

As well as other Festivus items such as an all-in-one solution:
http://www.retrofestive.ca/product_i...16857_zoom.gif

Formal wear for your gathering:
http://www.retrofestive.ca/product_i...56686_zoom.JPG

And if you want to learn more and truly get to know the ins and outs of this most festive holiday...
http://www.retrofestive.ca/product_i...52282_zoom.jpg


Biggest Canuck Fan 12-22-2011 11:56 AM

Kesler tried to start the feats of strength early last night with Kronwall.

Howard: "Canucks! I gotta alot of problems with your team. Hansen! Running goalies sucks!!"

Free Torts 12-22-2011 12:01 PM

Kronwall couldn't smooth a silk sheet if he had a hot date with a babe..!

Displaced Cascadian 12-22-2011 12:12 PM

Our family Festivus won't be underway until the 26th, but happy festivus anyways!

Best Festivus quote: "Stop crying and fight your father!"

ddawg1950 12-22-2011 12:18 PM

Truly, the wholiest day of the year.

goalie311 12-22-2011 12:20 PM

Could I just make a donation to The Human Fund instead?
It's for an incredibly good cause, hence their quote "Money for People"

petrishriekandgo 12-22-2011 01:45 PM

http://www.straight.com/files/images...ports_2296.jpg

Let me know:

A) What you think the gifts are
and
B) Who the gifts are for (on the Canucks)

I'll post the answers as I set them up tomorrow.

Happy Festivus!

parabola 12-22-2011 02:32 PM

Ah the annual wetcoaster festivus thread.

Free Torts 12-22-2011 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by parabola (Post 41342017)
Ah the annual wetcoaster festivus thread.

It truly is another Festivus Miracle!

Reign Nateo 12-22-2011 02:47 PM

Got my pole two years ago. Looking forward to the feats of strength. No one else celebrates with me so the airing of greivances can be a bit akward...

The Optimist 12-22-2011 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetcoaster (Post 41335649)
Festivus does not replace Christmas temporally (or the Holiday Season if you wish to be politically correct) as it is celebrated today December 23, 2010.

We get to travel back in time for one whole day!

AndyPipkin 12-22-2011 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reign Nateo (Post 41342553)
Got my pole two years ago. Looking forward to the feats of strength. No one else celebrates with me so the airing of greivances can be a bit akward...

Got my pole last year :D

ZyggZagg 12-22-2011 03:55 PM

herp derp war on christmas!

kevinsane 12-22-2011 03:58 PM

I find your belief system fascinating!:laugh:

Wetcoaster 12-22-2011 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kevinsane (Post 41345103)
I find your belief system fascinating!:laugh:

After the Festivus season I always wrap the pole carefully in my official reproduction Shroud of Tofino - it has been tested and found to be an authentic copy of the original by a team of Italian scientists.

Wetcoaster 12-22-2011 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Optimist (Post 41342937)
We get to travel back in time for one whole day!

Actually not - the sense was unclear so I did an edit.

Wetcoaster 12-22-2011 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by parabola (Post 41342017)
Ah the annual wetcoaster festivus thread.

There is something to be said for tradition - like my annual bath.;)

ddawg1950 12-22-2011 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetcoaster (Post 41345601)
After the Festivus season I always wrap the pole carefully in my official reproduction Shroud of Tofino - it has been tested and found to be an authentic copy of the original by a team of Italian scientists.

Perhaps a PPV shrine...top up the retirement account?

Jevo 12-22-2011 05:02 PM

Since midnight has passed in Denmark and it's now the 23rd of December, I guess it's appropriate to say: Happy Festivus to all you fellow diving and whining basterds of Canucks HF.:yo:

Sharpshooter1 12-22-2011 05:23 PM

Finally, a Festivus thread that I can post in.

Thanks Wet.

Let the airing of grievances begin!!

Wetcoaster 12-22-2011 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharpshooter1 (Post 41347781)
Finally, a Festivus thread that I can post in.

Thanks Wet.

Let the airing of grievances begin!!

And a new Festivus tradition this year... the hoisting of petards.

Sharpshooter1 12-22-2011 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetcoaster (Post 41348359)
And a new Festivus tradition this year... the hoisting of petards.

Absolutely.

Let it not be said that Festivus doesn't incorporate ALL the important holiday customs and rituals.

Along with the airing of grievances, the feats of strength, we will have the hoisting of petards as well.

So it is written, so shall it be.

Awomen.

Wetcoaster 12-22-2011 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharpshooter1 (Post 41348939)
Absolutely.

Let it not be said that Festivus doesn't incorporate ALL the important holiday customs and rituals.

Along with the airing of grievances, the feats of strength, we will have the hoisting of petards as well.

So it is written, so shall it be.

Awomen.

And here is more blending of holiday tradition - this time with an Eastern influence (no not from TO).

And WOW ... this time of the year is getting crowded. Today is the Winter Solstice - the shortest day of the year with the sun rising at 8:04 am and setting at 4:16pm today.

With the blending of East and West in the Wetcoaster household, the day takes on a special meaning with Dōngzhž - the Winter Solstice Festival (冬至). As my significant other (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) who hails from Taiwan many years ago reminded me, she is preparing Tangyuan (湯圓, as pronounced in Mandarin Pinyin: Tāng YuŠn) which are sweet glutinous rice balls which symbolize reunion. Tangyuan translates as "round balls in soup".

http://17.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ku...v429o1_400.jpg

This will be the dessert for our Festivus Eve feast and replaces the traditional Pepperidge Farm cake decorated with M&M's - hey I am all about multiculturalism.

Here is a picture of the Dr. Sun Yat Sen Gardens all decked out in lanterns and lights.

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5122/5...4a57b273_z.jpg

AndyPipkin 12-22-2011 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetcoaster (Post 41345601)
After the Festivus season I always wrap the pole carefully in my official reproduction Shroud of Tofino - it has been tested and found to be an authentic copy of the original by a team of Italian scientists.

Ours stays up all year long:laugh:

Eddy Punch Clock 12-22-2011 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyPipkin (Post 41369889)
Ours stays up all year long:laugh:

You live in a strip bar?


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