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-   -   is it moral to pressure your child to pursue a hockey career? (http://hfboards.hockeysfuture.com/showthread.php?t=1073557)

startainfection 01-07-2012 12:41 PM

is it moral to pressure your child to pursue a hockey career?
 
is it moral and if you think it is how would you try to do it?

ComradeChris 01-07-2012 12:52 PM

It's not immoral to put some pressure on your kid to test his limits and to make him try and reach his full potential, but pressuring him isn't always the way to do that. You got to find ways to increase his love for the game so his drive rises and he'll take a serious shot at it. At least that was key for me making it somewhere... finding more love for the game and learning to love something more with just simple willpower rather than it having to "grow" on me. Find a way to trick his mind into loving the game of hockey more and more and you'll see him flourish.

Badger36 01-07-2012 12:53 PM

No its not moral but if you were to do it, pounding into your kid's head from age 3 that they are meant to be a hockey player and making them spend all their free time practicing their skating and stickhandling would be the way to do it.
Im not sure why youd even want to though. If your kid doesnt love hockey and want to make a career out of it they are never going to get there anyways because they will be motivated by fear, not by a genuine drive and desire to make it as a pro.

startainfection 01-07-2012 04:43 PM

this is just a hypothetical question lol, i'm only 18 and don't plan on having a kid for a while

Not Threadworthy 01-07-2012 06:26 PM

Would you think it immoral for a parent to force a child to study 6 hours a day with the goal to be a doctor or something like that?

Everybody has seem crazy pagent parents and figure skating moms too.

If your kid loves it, let them do it. But there's that risk of a child burning out and resenting the game and parents

ponder 01-07-2012 06:51 PM

Encouraging your kid to improve while keeping it fun, and doing your best to get him to genuinely love the game, there's nothing wrong with that. However, yelling at a kid constantly and putting ridiculous pressure on him, while forcing him into the sport, that's just dumb. Very few kids are going to turn pro even if they work super hard, the goal IMO should be to help your kid develop a lifelong passion for the sport, and if he happens to be talented enough to make a career out of it, that's great, but not necessary. I only played moderately competitive hockey growing up, but I'm so glad I did, hockey games are always among the best parts of my week, I get a tonne out of the sport despite being nowhere close to good enough to make a career out of it.

Jarick 01-07-2012 07:36 PM

My kid's 2.5. He absolutely loves whatever his dad loves, which includes playing hockey. There's no pressure for him to play, actually he makes me play knee hockey in the house all the time!

Once he gets older, I'd encourage him to play, at least shinny or pond hockey in the winter time. My parents always signed me up for every sport and made me play growing up, and I hated all sports, including hockey. That's because my parents didn't like or watch sports so why would I?

There is a time though I believe you have to give your kids some structure and direction. Not pushing them or being demanding or yelling, but making sure they display some dedication and effort.

topshelfie 01-07-2012 07:43 PM

my dad was an ******* for stuff like this. i'd come off the ice and say 'that was a good game wasn't it dad?' and he wouldn't even acknowledge it, it's like i played sports growing up for him instead of myself.

AIREAYE 01-07-2012 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Not Threadworthy (Post 42090403)
Would you think it immoral for a parent to force a child to study 6 hours a day with the goal to be a doctor or something like that?

Everybody has seem crazy pagent parents and figure skating moms too.

If your kid loves it, let them do it. But there's that risk of a child burning out and resenting the game and parents

True. What's the difference between this and parents who pressure their kids to become doctors or lawyers?

-ahem- asian parents -ahem-

luckily not mine haha :yo:

Skarjak 01-07-2012 10:06 PM

Pressuring your kid to do anything that might be harmful to his future life is wrong. Whether it's pushing them to be a doctor or an NHL player. They get to live this life, not you. If they're not drawn to that profession on their own, they probably won't enjoy it anyway.

Pressuring your kid to pursue a hockey career might be the most pointless act, since any kid that would need pressuring isn't cut out for the NHL. You ever hear NHL players talk about how, when they were kids, their parents were forcing them to play? Not really. They all would play hockey all the time, cause they just enjoyed it. And they wanted to get better at it. Some of them had their parents push them to better themselves, but by that point they had already decided that they wanted to play in the NHL. The decision came from them.

Guffaw 01-07-2012 10:36 PM

Provide the opportunity, spark their interest, and support if the interest is there.

Pressure? Never. They'll resent you or even worse. It's really a selfish act where the child is used as a tool to fulfill the parents shortcomings, fallen dreams, etc.

I don't have kids yet, but if I do I hope to god they are hockey players. If they aren't I'll get over it, enjoy my life, and support whatever it is they are passionate about.

AIREAYE 01-07-2012 10:39 PM

I don't think us non-parents who have ever had the experience of raising a child should have such a strong opinion about something as complicated as preparing a child for this world. Too many intricacies and nuances to have any such opinion be taken seriously at the moment. It does make for some interesting discussion though.

Wilch 01-07-2012 10:45 PM

It's immoral if they don't like it.

Skarjak 01-07-2012 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AIREAYE (Post 42112265)
I don't think us non-parents who have ever had the experience of raising a child should have such a strong opinion about something as complicated as preparing a child for this world. Too many intricacies and nuances to have any such opinion be taken seriously at the moment. It does make for some interesting discussion though.

Some of us might not have experience raising children, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about our own experiences as children.

If your parents pressured you as a child and you resented it, chances are you'll hesitate to do the same.

Guffaw 01-07-2012 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AIREAYE (Post 42112265)
I don't think us non-parents who have ever had the experience of raising a child should have such a strong opinion about something as complicated as preparing a child for this world. Too many intricacies and nuances to have any such opinion be taken seriously at the moment. It does make for some interesting discussion though.

I have to disagree. The fact that someone has a child doesn't necessarily make them an authority. There is no class to take, no license to apply for, no test to take. Anyone can have a child and unfortunately often times the people having them shouldn't.

This is a bit off topic, but as a general rule the more intelligent, rational, law abiding people of most societies aren't the ones having all the kids. Think about it.

AIREAYE 01-07-2012 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wilch (Post 42112615)
It's immoral if they don't like it.

That's a bit too broad. Kids don't like school, don't like homework, don't like broccoli, but is it immoral if parents force their kids to go get an education or eat their veggies?
Quote:

Originally Posted by Skarjak (Post 42113187)
Some of us might not have experience raising children, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about our own experiences as children.

If your parents pressured you as a child and you resented it, chances are you'll hesitate to do the same.

I agree with you, though my thinking leads me to link that association to a more emotional level as opposed to a logical one. And I never said you couldn't talk about it, not trying to start an argument here dude, just a thoughtful discussion.


edit: to respond to Guffaw's recent comment; not trying to imply the 'authority' part here, all I'm saying is that how we think atm about how we WOULD raise a kid might change once we actually HAVE the kid, yaknow what I'm saying?

Guffaw 01-07-2012 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skarjak (Post 42113187)
Some of us might not have experience raising children, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about our own experiences as children.

If your parents pressured you as a child and you resented it, chances are you'll hesitate to do the same.

I don't have kids, but could I do a better job than the heroin addicts I personally know that have them? Absolutely. Being a good parent makes you an authority. Having a child just means you had sex at some point.

Guffaw 01-07-2012 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AIREAYE (Post 42113563)


I agree with you, though my thinking leads me to link that association to a more emotional level as opposed to a logical one. And I never said you couldn't talk about it, not trying to start an argument here dude, just a thoughtful discussion.

I don't believe you are trying to start an argument either. However, children are society's to deal with, to pay for, to educate, etc. Proof? The $3k I pay in school taxes, the car that's vandalized, the neighbors kid that's bullied and sexually harassed at the public school I pay for even though I don't have kids.

It is for that reason everyone has a right to a passionate opinion about how children are raised. The results of bad parenting haunt society and we all pay dearly for it.

AIREAYE 01-07-2012 11:12 PM

Guffaw, you're right on all levels and I understand your view on that opinion more deeply than appears. Perhaps I should have said strong 'method' instead of 'opinion'. I think everyone would agree that we shouldn't tihnk we know everything about how to raise a child properly.

NotProkofievian 01-08-2012 01:56 AM

With most kids, there almost invariably comes a time, often quite early in the process where the kid wants to "quit," and the parents almost always allow it. This becomes habit.

Yes, your kid has to make his own choices, and find his/her own way: but they have to live with their choices, and understand consequences and responsibility. If they are allowed to quit from an early age, they will know nothing else but how to quit.

To be great in anything takes a discipline that almost no one has completely contained within themselves: it takes an outside influence. And I think well-meaning parents who don't want to 'force' their kids to do something miss out on the opportunity to teach their kids this lesson. In our society, almost nobody does anything special. Travelling or "living life," are seen as things that are special. Life is lived for immediate reward, and I think that this trend has something to do with it.

There's always going to be a time where a kid is going to want to just give up. The road to doing something truly special is long, lonely, and often times unrewarding and thankless. It is in these situations that a parent giving their kid a little push will make a pretty dramatic difference.

Wilch 01-08-2012 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AIREAYE (Post 42113563)
That's a bit too broad. Kids don't like school, don't like homework, don't like broccoli, but is it immoral if parents force their kids to go get an education or eat their veggies?

It's the parents' responsibility to make sure the kids know their priorities. Going to school, getting vaccine shots and eating veggies is two totally different things from hobbies/sports.

When it comes down to things like playing the piano, learning martial arts, hockey or whatever extra-curricular activities, there needs to be a period of time before they truly realize whether they like the activity or not. Just make sure you encourage them, not push.

If kids are still absolutely repulsed by whatever their parents make them do after a period of time, then it would be unfair to push on. If they like it, great, stick with it.

AIREAYE 01-08-2012 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotProkofievian (Post 42120675)
With most kids, there almost invariably comes a time, often quite early in the process where the kid wants to "quit," and the parents almost always allow it. This becomes habit.

Yes, your kid has to make his own choices, and find his/her own way: but they have to live with their choices, and understand consequences and responsibility. If they are allowed to quit from an early age, they will know nothing else but how to quit.

To be great in anything takes a discipline that almost no one has completely contained within themselves: it takes an outside influence. And I think well-meaning parents who don't want to 'force' their kids to do something miss out on the opportunity to teach their kids this lesson. In our society, almost nobody does anything special. Travelling or "living life," are seen as things that are special. Life is lived for immediate reward, and I think that this trend has something to do with it.

There's always going to be a time where a kid is going to want to just give up. The road to doing something truly special is long, lonely, and often times unrewarding and thankless. It is in these situations that a parent giving their kid a little push will make a pretty dramatic difference.

I think this is very true as well. Have you guys ever read that 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother' book? Granted, the 'hobby' in question is music and not hockey but extracurriculars all the same and the overall message I learned from it really opened my eyes; and it's what you stated here in this post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wilch (Post 42123393)
It's the parents' responsibility to make sure the kids know their priorities. Going to school, getting vaccine shots and eating veggies is two totally different things from hobbies/sports.

When it comes down to things like playing the piano, learning martial arts, hockey or whatever extra-curricular activities, there needs to be a period of time before they truly realize whether they like the activity or not. Just make sure you encourage them, not push.

If kids are still absolutely repulsed by whatever their parents make them do after a period of time, then it would be unfair to push on. If they like it, great, stick with it.

Gotcha.

madmutter 01-08-2012 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guffaw (Post 42113881)
I don't believe you are trying to start an argument either. However, children are society's to deal with, to pay for, to educate, etc. Proof? The $3k I pay in school taxes, the car that's vandalized, the neighbors kid that's bullied and sexually harassed at the public school I pay for even though I don't have kids.

It is for that reason everyone has a right to a passionate opinion about how children are raised. The results of bad parenting haunt society and we all pay dearly for it.

The 3k you spend in taxes buys you the advantage of living in a society that produces doctors, engineers, scientists, etc. 3k is not a lot of money in the context of raising kids, it seems a ridiculously high amount for school taxes though, the rates must be very high where you live.

Jarick 01-08-2012 02:28 PM

Please keep it to hockey and not on politics.

AngryBoss 01-09-2012 08:05 AM

It depends on the kids interest.
But I would say by the age of 12, the child will either want it or they won't.
If they don't, then pushing them is wrong as they'll more than likely end up hating the sport.

I've seen so many teenagers that refuse to put on a pair of skates because one, or both of their parents pushed way too hard for them to make it.


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