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-   -   Pre Game Excitment (http://hfboards.hockeysfuture.com/showthread.php?t=245051)

mcphee 04-23-2006 08:49 AM

Pre Game Excitment
 
MY daughter[15] works summers and part time doing some barn chores for a hoobby farmer down the road from us. They have a pretty varied selection of donkeys,goats,roosters,sheep, you name it. They asked her to work this weekend which entails about 2 hrs. each at the beginning and end of the day. It's about 2 kms. from us. Anyone who knows me knows that I spend most waking hours plotting my time to not miss any CH action.

It was a full day yesterday with work and kids errands, but I went like a dynamo and told her that she had to b eready for PM chores no later than 5. My willingness to help anyone who asked was geared towards my wife picking her up at 7 if necessary. Well at 5.15, just starting chores, she calls and it begins.

'Daddy, a lamb's being born and I can't reach the owners on their cells, I'm not sure what to do.I can't even tell which sheep's the mother.'

Silence for once in my life. After about 10 seconds, thankfully I hear, 'Get Mommy'. My wife after yelling at me for no apparent reason [ it's a service you provide each other in long relationships] heads down to help. 5.30 turns into 6.30 into 7.00. They arrive during a commercial thankfully, so I timidly asked what was going on.

My wife explained, quite proudly that they found the mother forced her back to the lamb, when I asked her how, she looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, 'well we lassoed her'. There was talk about nipples descending and such, the umbilical cord terated with iodine, which apparently my daughter knew about. Her comment as she walked by was, sheep placeta's gross. I'm pretty wide eyed by this time and I was thinking about when Kramer drove the bus, so I told her, 'Wow, you're Batman". ' Damn right I'm Batman'

This morning though, we were worried whether the lamb would've survived the night. On the way, I named her Lambeau, figuring having a name would be a good omen. Sure eneough, Lambeau was alive and baa ing and the mother seemd to understand her role, which like hockey players, isn't always the case.


PS, my daughter told me that actually she did the lassoing, so my wife's no friggin' Batman. For a city boy like me, life never gets boring here . Oh, the placenta was gone, I told my daughter maybe Tom Cruise came by.

Russeltown 04-23-2006 08:55 AM

:) Nice read!!

By the way, where do you live?

mcphee 04-23-2006 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sYn
:) Nice read!!

By the way, where do you live?

Eastern Ontario,Glengarry County, about halfway between Lancaster and Alexandria.

habfan4 04-23-2006 09:29 AM

Never a dull moment at Casa mcphee.

One question, When are you serving the lamb? I'll bring the mint jelly and some wine.

mcphee 04-23-2006 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by habfan4
Never a dull moment at Casa mcphee.

One question, When are you serving the lamb? I'll bring the mint jelly and some wine.

When one of the goats died, and a friend made a souvlaki joke, well, let's say, he's still recovering. Bring the wine anyways though. I find my wife be very pleasant when inebriated.

Blind Gardien 04-23-2006 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
MY daughter[15] works summers and part time doing some barn chores for a hoobby farmer down the road from us. They have a pretty varied selection of donkeys,goats,roosters,sheep, you name it. They asked her to work this weekend which entails about 2 hrs. each at the beginning and end of the day. It's about 2 kms. from us. Anyone who knows me knows that I spend most waking hours plotting my time to not miss any CH action.

It was a full day yesterday with work and kids errands, but I went like a dynamo and told her that she had to b eready for PM chores no later than 5. My willingness to help anyone who asked was geared towards my wife picking her up at 7 if necessary. Well at 5.15, just starting chores, she calls and it begins.

'Daddy, a lamb's being born and I can't reach the owners on their cells, I'm not sure what to do.I can't even tell which sheep's the mother.'

Silence for once in my life. After about 10 seconds, thankfully I hear, 'Get Mommy'. My wife after yelling at me for no apparent reason [ it's a service you provide each other in long relationships] heads down to help. 5.30 turns into 6.30 into 7.00. They arrive during a commercial thankfully, so I timidly asked what was going on.

My wife explained, quite proudly that they found the mother forced her back to the lamb, when I asked her how, she looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, 'well we lassoed her'. There was talk about nipples descending and such, the umbilical cord terated with iodine, which apparently my daughter knew about. Her comment as she walked by was, sheep placeta's gross. I'm pretty wide eyed by this time and I was thinking about when Kramer drove the bus, so I told her, 'Wow, you're Batman". ' Damn right I'm Batman'

This morning though, we were worried whether the lamb would've survived the night. On the way, I named her Lambeau, figuring having a name would be a good omen. Sure eneough, Lambeau was alive and baa ing and the mother seemd to understand her role, which like hockey players, isn't always the case.


PS, my daughter told me that actually she did the lassoing, so my wife's no friggin' Batman. For a city boy like me, life never gets boring here . Oh, the placenta was gone, I told my daughter maybe Tom Cruise came by.

mcphee, you're going to have a helluva time recreating that lucky game ritual. But it worked, so we're going to be on your case big time if you don't come through with Lambeau Deux on Monday night! :teach:

ryanghg 04-23-2006 11:03 AM

One of my friends lives in Glen Robertson...Is that near you Mcphee?

mcphee 04-23-2006 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind Gardien
mcphee, you're going to have a helluva time recreating that lucky game ritual. But it worked, so we're going to be on your case big time if you don't come through with Lambeau Deux on Monday night! :teach:

Never thought of that, I think we may be screwed. They think another could be on the way, but I don't know if they'd want to induce. Bruins fan, you know.


Yeah, I'm about 15 minutes from Glen Robertson.

Russeltown 04-23-2006 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
Eastern Ontario,Glengarry County, about halfway between Lancaster and Alexandria.

Well, that's not far away from my birthplace (I'm no more living there, btw)!!!

I was born in Valleyfield, 14 kilometers east borders from Qc and ONT (hwy-401||aut.20) :)

AD 04-23-2006 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
Bring the wine anyways though. I find my wife be very pleasant when inebriated.

Ha.. I generally find my significant other pleasant when I'm inebriated..

mcphee 04-23-2006 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aymand
Ha.. I generally find my significant other pleasant when I'm inebriated..

Either way works. You can't be blamed though if it's them.

Montrealer 04-23-2006 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
I'm pretty wide eyed by this time and I was thinking about when Kramer drove the bus, so I told her, 'Wow, you're Batman". ' Damn right I'm Batman'

McPhee is this board's Kramer, no doubt about it; but a Kramer who got married and had kids.

"The other day, my friend Bob Saccamano, who's a hobby farmer... " :sarcasm:

mcphee 04-23-2006 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Montrealer
McPhee is this board's Kramer, no doubt about it; but a Kramer who got married and had kids.

"The other day, my friend Bob Saccamano, who's a hobby farmer... " :sarcasm:

Hey, I'm a south shore kid like you, they grow them weird on that side of the St.Lawrence.

tritone 04-23-2006 04:41 PM

Farmers with cell phones? What's this world coming to? :shakehead

mcphee 04-23-2006 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tritone
Farmers with cell phones? What's this world coming to? :shakehead

Hobby farmers only. Dilettantes. I think I misspelled that. In Fact I just noticed that I misspelled the thread title. Nice of Blind Gardien not to point it out.

Yet.

Montrealer 04-23-2006 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
Hey, I'm a south shore kid like you, they grow them weird on that side of the St.Lawrence.

Oh seriously... I'm lucky my girlfriend sees my weirdness as "cute", or else she would never have stayed with me this long!

thewerd 04-23-2006 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
Oh, the placenta was gone, I told my daughter maybe Tom Cruise came by.

had a good chuckle aloud there. well done.

DerekT 04-23-2006 11:29 PM

South shore kids make this world worth living in!

Btw, noone better eat that goat. It may be our lucky ticket for this playoff season.

Blind Gardien 04-24-2006 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
Hobby farmers only. Dilettantes. I think I misspelled that.
In Fact I just noticed that I misspelled the thread title. Nice of Blind Gardien not to point it out.

Yet.

"Dilettante" looks okay to me. :dunno: But I wouldn't really know, spelling is just a hoobby of mine. I'm a bit of a dilettante about that.

mcphee 04-24-2006 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind Gardien
"Dilettante" looks okay to me. :dunno: But I wouldn't really know, spelling is just a hoobby of mine. I'm a bit of a dilettante about that.

I may sneak over this afternoon to induce. Rememeber when the Habs acquired Odjick. My Dad called me to say Mtl. made a deal and got Gino. He went on to say he wouldn't join the team for a few days. I asked him why, and he said 'well his wife's, you know, and they have to bring her in and you know' [he can't say pregnant apparently. 'No Dad, what's going on ' ' You know , she's having a kid and she has to go in and get seduced'. ' Geez Dad, a bit late for that I think.' I digress though, how do you induce a lamb ?

Blind Gardien 04-24-2006 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
I may sneak over this afternoon to induce. Rememeber when the Habs acquired Odjick. My Dad called me to say Mtl. made a deal and got Gino. He went on to say he wouldn't join the team for a few days. I asked him why, and he said 'well his wife's, you know, and they have to bring her in and you know' [he can't say pregnant apparently. 'No Dad, what's going on ' ' You know , she's having a kid and she has to go in and get seduced'. ' Geez Dad, a bit late for that I think.' I digress though, how do you induce a lamb ?

Lambs by Induction:

Assign Lambeau as Lamb #1, n=1.
Lambeau's mom was pregnant, Lambeau was born, therefore the result holds for n=1.
In general, when a sheep is pregnant, a lamb is born, n=m.
Therefore, if you have another pregnant sheep, another lamb will be born (n = m+1).
QED.

(Note that this may be only slightly better than my alternative proof which involves wrapping a coil of wire around the sheep and passing an electric current through it).

(There. I feel like I've used what little I remember from my physics and math degrees all at a go... and on a Monday morning no less. My boss will be pleased. :sarcasm: )

(And note also that despite seeing a post filled with mentions of sheep, seductions, etc, I intentionally stayed away from mentioning Dutchy as a potential source of valuable insight).

mcphee 04-24-2006 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind Gardien
Lambs by Induction:

Assign Lambeau as Lamb #1, n=1.
Lambeau's mom was pregnant, Lambeau was born, therefore the result holds for n=1.
In general, when a sheep is pregnant, a lamb is born, n=m.
Therefore, if you have another pregnant sheep, another lamb will be born (n = m+1).
QED.

(Note that this may be only slightly better than my alternative proof which involves wrapping a coil of wire around the sheep and passing an electric current through it).

(There. I feel like I've used what little I remember from my physics and math degrees all at a go... and on a Monday morning no less. My boss will be pleased. :sarcasm: )

(And note also that despite seeing a post filled with mentions of sheep, seductions, etc, I intentionally stayed away from mentioning Dutchy as a potential source of valuable insight).

Weren't you brought up on a farm ? Did I imagine that too ? Yesterday, my wife still excited by the experience said she considered keeping the lamb. She went on to say probably not, it would be better to breed the one we have. So Dutchy may have a role after all. I've had the procedure, my boys have retired.

Blind Gardien 04-24-2006 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcphee
Weren't you brought up on a farm ? Did I imagine that too ?

You might have imagined it, but it's true enough all the same. Just another hoobby farm, though. And we had goats, but no sheep. Not that I paid much attention to any of it anyway; I'm sure even if we did have sheep my answer would have been the same as above.
Quote:

Yesterday, my wife still excited by the experience said she considered keeping the lamb. She went on to say probably not, it would be better to breed the one we have. So Dutchy may have a role after all. I've had the procedure, my boys have retired.
None of which really helps us with the Hurricanes. Next time you better plan ahead and get him over for Christmas dinner or something, so our flock will be ready to go in April and May. Unless... who was it that was going to clone Begin? Can he maybe whip up a batch of Dolly Lambeaus for us ASAP? :help:

AD 04-24-2006 08:55 AM

You guys are a real bunch of troglodytes..

Why if you were in front of me, I'd slap you silly with my cod-piece to bring you back to your senses. Theres a game on tonight, how can you two be talking about barn animals on a day like this.

mcphee 04-24-2006 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind Gardien
You might have imagined it, but it's true enough all the same. Just another hoobby farm, though. And we had goats, but no sheep. Not that I paid much attention to any of it anyway; I'm sure even if we did have sheep my answer would have been the same as above.

None of which really helps us with the Hurricanes. Next time you better plan ahead and get him over for Christmas dinner or something, so our flock will be ready to go in April and May. Unless... who was it that was going to clone Begin? Can he maybe whip up a batch of Dolly Lambeaus for us ASAP? :help:

Dolly Lambeau combines at least 3 jokes. Well done.

The Dutchman's always welcome. Hate to make it a working dinner though. Not sure how we got from his watching the game pantless to bestiality, but I'm ok with it.


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