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10-02-2008, 06:30 PM
  #9
1UP
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Québec
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April 03, 2009 The Gazette

Heart attack epidemy claim one more, 3 in severe condition


One more fan of the Montreal Canadiens died yesterday of a severe stroke. Again, like those that claimed the lives of close to a thousand during the year, it was caused by his favorite team, and Québec's foremost Sports Restaurant franchise, La Cage aux Sports.

After the Montréal Canadiens disposed of the Islanders 7-2 in another lopsided win, Maurice Gingras, of Sorel, went to feast on delicious Chicken Wings with 7 of his friends. However, since it was the 24th time in the last 6 months he participated in the Cage's promotion (which, most likely, will be upped to 8 goals next year, the company having posted a spectacular deficit this year), the excitation, alcohol and cholesterol caused an intense stroke during the celebration. The ambulance was unable to arrive on time, as they, too, were busy eating chicken wings in another Cage.

The government is getting ready to issue a statement to promote healthy eating habits, as some called for a provincewide ban on chicken wings. However, as Police chief Dubé said last week, Habs fans are so darn fat now there is no way they'll cause a riot when the Habs win the cup. They'll be in bed at 11.

Mr. Gingras' wife, Ginette, showed little regret. "Now he'll stop talking about those darned Kostitsyn brothers. He even asked me to shave my head so I look almost bald".

As the Montreal Canadiens attempt to acquire their 63rd win against Toronto tomorrow night, we can only hope this will be the last death this year.


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4 offensive lines is a bad idea. Think of the consequences.

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