Thread: News Article: Nathan McIver traded for Mike Brown
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02-04-2009, 03:36 PM
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Ian Wacintyre, Vancouver Sun, February 4th, 2009

Last night witnessed the end of one of the worst stretches in Canuck history. The 9 game home game losing streak was finally laid to rest as the Canucks pulled out a 4-3 win thanks to a last minute Alex Burrows goal. Once again my fellow reporters began to write furiously about what happened that finally allowed the Canucks to break the slump. Was it Sundin finally coming into form? Was it Alain Vigneault finally sticking with his lines for an entire game? Or was it because someone tried putting a hat on Willie Mitchell once more during practice? The answer is actually quite simple and none of the above; The answer? Mike Brown.

Yesterday, a small report surfaced that GM Place was going to be de-cursed, as part of a promotional event that the new Virgin radio station was putting together. The Psuedomystic in charge of the de-cursing, one Buckley Aaronson, said that he would 'gauge the intensity level of the curse...probably roll out the heavy hitters – rhyming couplets, dry ice, onomateopia, and syllabilism' to get rid of whatever was haunting the Garage.

Intrigued by what exactly had happend, I dug further into the story. I found Aaronson at his place of business, the local 22 McDonald bus stop in Chinatown. After agreeing on a payment of two McDonald hamburgers, Buckley opened up to me on what he had done.

"Well this was a bad one, yes sir, a bad one. I've decursed many things in my life. Mark Messier's towel he wore when Gary Coleman met him, a jpeg of Dino Cicarelli that haunted some hockey message board web sites for years, that little sucker just wouldn't go away, and of course my most famous moment, de-cursing Dan Cloutier out of Vancouver. All of those paled in comparison to this one. There are some angry demons under GM Place and they demanded blood. They would not leave until I sacrificed something HUGE to them. A player. But not just any player, they wanted the best, most feared, most dynamic player to ever skate the ice. They basically wanted someone who was.....unwaiverable...."

I pressed further on this point, asking what he meant by unwaiverable.

"Someone who can't be taken down. Someone, who no matter what logic dictates, will survive the blast. They wanted the cockroach of the NHL. I knew right away what had to be done. They wanted Mike Brown."

At this point he had finished his hamburgers and wanted to finish the interview. I tried to get more information from him but the best I could get was mumbling about "Don't mess with Mike Brown, Or you might be going down" over and over again like a mantra. He then stumbled off with the help of a young man with a limp who looked like a homeless version of Rick Rypien, but I wasn't able to confirm my suspicions as he ran away with a scream of fear the moment I neared him.

We may never know what truly happened that day at GM Place, but what we do know is that Vancouver has a new savior; Move over Trevor Linden, Mike Brown just saved hockey in Vancouver.

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