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12-20-2009, 04:09 PM
impeach estaalo
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Rozsival+Dubinsky+2nd @ Carolina Hurricanes | 12/21/09 | 7:00PM | FS-CR(HD)


December 21st, 2009 | 7:00PM | Raleigh, NC | Brandon Dubinsky Entertainment & Sports Arena

Are you really serious? You mean that if Washington offer OV for Dubinsky, Callahan, Rozsival, Gilroy and wouldn't take it?

Or if Pittsburgh offered Crosby?

If I was the Rangers, I'd make that trade in a heartbeat.
You have zero understanding of anything hockey related, if you would honestly trade all those players, for an AO or Crosby.

Especially in the Salary cap world, where finding NHL caliber players that can contribute at a bargain, is vital. Look at Carolina, for example. Remove a chunk of that team, and insert any superstar. Odds are, they fall short because of their lack of depth.

I think I'm done with you...

I'll respond to people who have a better understanding of the game, because you're talking out of your ass.


Left WingCenter Right Wing
Brandon Dubinsky Brandon Dubinsky Brandon Dubinsky
Brandon Dubinsky Brandon Dubinsky Brandon Dubinsky
Brandon Dubinsky Brandon DubinskyBrandon Dubinsky
Brandon Dubinsky Brandon Dubinsky Brandon Dubinsky


Left Right
Michal Rozsival Michal Rozsival
Michal Rozsival Michal Rozsival
Michal Rozsival Michal Rozsival

Expected Starter Backup
2nd Round Pick Conditional 7th in 2011


PlayerReason Status
Ryan Callahan suspended suspended ten games for being too awesome

Team Leaders
W 2nd Round Pick 29
GAA 2nd Round Pick .62
SV% Conditional 7th in 2011 .981
SO 2nd Round Pick 22
G Dubinsky 94
A Dubinsky 58
+/- Rozsival +93
PIM Rozsival 4
ATOI Dubinsky 60:33

Players to Watch

Brandon Dubinsky is one of America's great hockey stars. He displays the core attributes that makes him one of hockey's finest.

Before becoming Rozsival+Dubinsky+2nd, the team was named The Jaromir Jagr Country Club and Beauty Salon. As player/captain/coach, Jagr played favorites with his Czech buddies, which allowed Rozsival to inflate his stats with absurd amounts of powerplay time and receive an equally absurd contract. Glen Sather believed Rozsival to be a top-pairing defenseman, which is sort of like believing that Petr Prucha is a 30-goal scorer or that Marek Malik should be employed as a professional hockey player. Now receiving just over a minute of powerplay time per game, Rozsival is on pace for a 20 point season and is regularly thrown into trade proposals for vastly superior players by his team's fans. He'll probably score in this game, but that will be an indication of Carolina's crush on Taylor Hall and not of Rozsival's massive talent.

Left WingCenter Right Wing
Ryan Whitney Erik Stall Tuumu Ruuuttoo
Jukinen YEAH MATT CULLEN Patty Dwyer
Sergei Samsonov Rich Peverley Nonstopoulos
Fearless Captain Brindy Yeller Walks

Left Right
Joanna Pitkennin Bert Carson
Alby Bry-Rods
Jay-Har Gritty Veteran AWardo

Expected Starter Backup
Camwardo Manual Legacy


PlayerReason Status
Jose Cuervo injured out 2-3 months (lacerated leg)
Eric Cole injured out 2-3 weeks (lower body)
Secreet Weapone injured questionable (upper body)
Timmy Gleeson injured questionable (facial lacerations/concussion-like symptons)
Chad LaRose injured who cares
Anson Carter healthy LOL ANSON CARTER

Team Leaders

W Camwardo/Legacy 4
GAA Legacy 3.09
SV% Legacy .899
SO nobody ROFL 0
G Whitney 10
A Pitkennin 15
PTS Whitney 24
+/- Dwyer +2
Golf Score Brindy -19
PIM Gleeson 51
ATOI Pitkennin 26:12

Players to Watch

Joanna Pitkennin shocked the hockey world in 2008 when he retired in order to pursue a career as a contestant on "Dancing With The Stars". Having returned to the Hurricanes after quitting the reality TV series due to a broken nail, Joanna leads the team in assists with 15 despite playing only 26 games, though those are almost certainly all phantom secondary assists that he had nothing to do with. My sources tell me that Pitkennin and a 2nd are headed to Toronto in exchange for Gritty Veteran Wayne Primeau (E3).

Gritty Veteran AWardo is the polar opposite of Pitkennin. That means that Ward hits people, but also means that he can't skate, pass, handle the puck, shoot or play defense. As his on-ice wheelchair is motorized and controlled via remote control by Fearless Captain Brindy on the bench, Ward can effectively use both hands in order to take bad penalties and pointlessly shove opposing forwards while paying no attention to the puck. Ward has taken an amazing one total shot on goal in the last eleven games and boasts a splendid -16 rating, which shows he is fully on board with the Tank for Hall gameplan.

Q: Doesn't Brindy controlling AWardo's wheelchair with a remote control pose a problem when they are on the ice together?
A: Yes...but that's the point, right?

Q: Are you saying we are tanking? Oh, god no! This fanbase (me in particular because I'm STHer and pay good money for my seats!) can't withstand a losing season! We need to try our best to make the playoffs, because winning a bunch of meaningless games to vault us into ninth place is better for the franchise than getting a potential franchise player with the 1st overall. I know we are nine points out of 29th place, but we owe it to Fearless Captain Brindy and Gritty Veteran AWardo to make a run at the Cup.


A musical representation of a typical Carolina Hurricanes game.

AWardo has led the charge for Hall.

The Hurricanes have learned to perfect the art of the Epic Third Period Collapse™ in case they accidentally have a lead.

Fearless Captain Brindy filmed a promo spot for the Department of Unintentional Hilarity.

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