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08-28-2011, 06:30 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Valrico, FL
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Originally Posted by Mayor Bee View Post
Every episode of Storage Wars...

Auctioneer: Okay folks, we have a unit here with a bunch of random garbage in it. There appears to be a leaking bag of rusted pop cans hanging off of a mounted moose head as the centerpiece. Bidding starts at $50.

Jarrod (interview room): There's some stuff for the store in there. If nothing else, we can scrap the metal and take a huge loss on whatever we're paying.
Brandi (interview room): Jarrod is an idiot if he wants to spend more than $0.15 on a single unit. On the other hand, one of those pop cans might be in good enough shape to keep his balls in, since the mason jar in the pantry is getting a yellowish haze on it.
Darrell (interview room): I think I see a briefcase full of cash in the back; it's actually open and there appears to be at least $10,000 in plain sight. I'm not bidding more than $500 on this.
Barry (interview room): The moose head would be a perfect hood ornament on a 1936 Stutz Bearcat, which I happen to own.

(Auction begins; bidding quickly runs up to $75).

Jarrod: $100!
Brandi: (kicks Jarrod in the taint, then complains about how quickly he falls over)
Auctioneer: $100 going once....$100 going twice.....$125? $125?
Auctioneer: $125, do I hear $150?
Mark (dressed like a cross between a Russian mobster and a pimp): $150,000!

Darrell (interview room): This ******* ******* **** *******, with his money, actually outbidding people.

Auctioneer: Do I hear $151,000? Okay, $150K going once....twice....sold to Mark for $150K, cash only, pay the lady.

Later, Mark is going through the unit.

Mark (digging through mounds of garbage): If this empty can of Pringles has the Mr. Pringle head logo on it, it could be huge money. One of them sold for $13,000 online recently. Once I sell that, I can succeed in having myself dipped in solid gold.

Yeah that's how it goes. Which is why I could do without the drama part and just go straight to the neat stuff, like the 1920's old school penny adult film machine that Barry had.

Speaking of Barry, he reminds me of Rays manager Joe Maddon with Jack Nicholson's voice.

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