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09-26-2011, 02:13 PM
  #118
Clock
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Buffalo
Country: United States
Posts: 21,265
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Humorous narrative for the weekend:

Have friend. Friend has been single for three years. Friend has been dating and asking PK and I for advice for quite a while now. Friend constantly manages to make his way into the friend zone due to a crippling fear of rejection from the opposite sex (i.e., no move is ever made, and intentions are never made clear that a date is a date and not a "two friends meeting for a coffee" scenario).

Friend ran into an attractive young female that he knew somehow from back in the day. We advised him to ask her out - why not? He had nothing to lose. We further advised him to make sure that he used the right terminology, given that the context of their relationship at this point is still friend-based. There's nothing really wrong with saying "Let's catch up!", but what's better is "I'd like to take you out" or something along those lines. Friend disregards advice, sends a "Hey, let's catch up and grab a drink! At 6:00! And not get dinner!" text instead. His date changes the venue to a work happy hour. Friend still goes. His date is hanging around with multiple guys she works with who are showering her in attention. Friend's response is to go to the bar and get a scotch. The end. No move is made.

Girl sends text to friend the next day. "Hope you had fun last night!" Friend has the opportunity to say something along the lines of "I did, but I must admit that I was hoping to get you to myself for a bit!" or something along those lines. Nah. Friend just says something in the affirmative to let her now how content he was with the whole affair.

Friend tells us about the date, but is sure to qualify it with "I didn't even like her. That was a waste of time." Y'ok, friend.

Friend gets another text. Girl is going to go see a band that one of her friends are in, and she wants friend to "be her date." Suddenly, friend is magically interested in her again! Eyes roll. Friend ditches plans to come over and play Rock Band with PK, her friend, and myself despite saying he would be over for a few hours before the late-night date commenced. PK and I heavily advise friend to ensure that this time he actually makes a move, once again making note of the fact that he has absolutely nothing to lose and that this girl might genuinely be interested in him but wants him to make a move.

Friend gets to bar where band is playing. Once again, girl has friends who are already there. In turn, friend decides to just go to the bar and have drinks. No moves of any sort are made.

Most amusing part: friend calls us the next day and saws that after he arrived at the bar, he suddenly remembered that he didn't like girl and at that point, and I quote, "I decided to shove her into the friend zone!"

FACE TO PALM. Take our effing advice, friend!

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