HF-NYR Fantasy Keeper League - Around The League Thread
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06-18-2012, 05:30 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Thomas Vanek, pictured in what we can only assume is the best jersey he's worn to date, stares slack-jawed at the Senators roster. "No way," he said. "I have good linemates? No, seriously, am I being Punk'd?" (AP Photo/Google Images)
Despite a hot start that saw the Senators vault up to fourth place in the Eastern Conference ("Games in hand be damned!" said GM hockeyalltheway,) the Senators aren't letting this early success go to their head. In fact, they're even a bit worried.
"I think it's time to hit the Vanek button. I'm having a Vanek attack. I feel like listening to some Vanek at the Disco. Anyone have some gal-Vanek current I can borrow? Everyone to the Vanek station!" he said. "Just use whichever one of those is best for your headline."
We were initially confused, primarily because he started our press call like that. No 'hello,' no 'we've made a trade,' just Vanek puns. Then our senior editor clued in. Then, we were offended that he was telling us how to do our job. But hey, Vanek Attack is pretty damn catchy.
At shortly after 5:00 p.m. EST, the Senators arranged a swap with the Buffalo Sabres, netting the aforementioned easily-punnable Vanek, as well as erstwhile defender Andrej Sekera and the Sabres 4th round pick. In exchange, winger Milan Michalek and longtime fixture of the Senators blueline Chris Phillips were sent packing.
"Chris and Milan are both awesome," said hockeyalltheway. "We all know that. They're friendly, Chris will **** you up in the corner and Milan won't take your **** either."
We were forced to remind GM hockeyalltheway that we can't print obscenities and that we won't be able to quote him if he insists on swearing, to which he replied, "shove it up your ass, ****face." What a charming man.
The Senators acquire Vanek, a 28-year old sniper from Austria. Our educated guess is that he models his playing style after Kangaroo Jack, likes shrimp on the barby, and thinks up is down.
Sekera, a 26-year old defenseman from Slovakia, brings a hut-down game the likes of which the Senators have not seen since Chris Phillips left town. More importantly, the Senators have informed us that he will be wearing #3000, and will be referred to as 'Andrej 3000.' We're really not sure why we're printing this. hockeyalltheway is an ass.
Our editor informs us that Austria and Australia are not the same country, but frankly we're too lazy to correct the mistake. In addition, every minute extra we spend typing is one minute less where we can enjoy happy hour.
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