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08-22-2012, 05:35 PM
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Greg Jamison does not exist. The name is fake and everything from his birth certificate to his credit card balance is a forgery. The man who claims to be Jamison in public is an actor whose real name is Jukka Dandolo, a Finnish-Italian whose parents, Marco Dandolo and Anja Torvalds, were part of a massive spy ring working for the Allies. Recently declassified material reveals the startling fact that, if not for Marco's exceptionally lush body hair and Anja's uncanny talent for celebrity impersonation, the Nazis would have acquired the bomb sometime in the winter of 1942. But that's neither here nor there.

The point is that Jamison is a figment of Gary Bettman's twisted, virulently anti-Canadian imagination. I can say all this with certainty because I heard it direct from the lips of the Lindberg Baby, who is now actually the Lindberg Retired Insurance Broker.

Paul's dead. Elvis isn't.

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