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01-07-2013, 11:11 AM
  #885
SERE 24
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York
Country: United States
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverfish View Post
It's good insight, but definitely not the case. The friend is in a very long-term relationship right now, and her boyfriend is about to move in with her. They're as close to engaged as you can get without being engaged, but I'm sure that will change shortly. I hope she's smart enough not to invite me to the wedding, because I don't want to feel awkward by saying no She definitely could be asking just because she wants to keep in touch, and not because she's relaying information to my ex. Gotta stop reading between the lines that might not be there though.

Definitely not making scenes or anything like that. I ****ed up in July, before this new guy came into the picture. We broke up in mid-June, and I asked her if she wanted to get back together on July 1st. Got shot down, and after that have just been trying however it goes to get on. Definitely haven't been making scenes, or begging, or anything like that. Trying to keep my dignity as a man I suppose Like I said, no contact since August.
Yeah, I wasn't suggesting that her contacting you had to mean she LIKES you, but it could just mean she likes you and enjoyed knowing you when you dated her roommate and is interested in keeping in touch despite no longer seeing you around. The point was more, like you said, to stop reading between the lines. When you stop seeing your ex everywhere, comparing things to your ex, imaging scenarios with your ex, associating people, places and activities with your ex, you'll start getting over your ex. Meanwhile, I have no idea how long you guys dated, but the fact that she got into a long term relationship about 2 months after you guys split would help me get over her pretty well.

The other thing though, is that if your ex suddenly broke it off with her current boyfriend and a week or so later started talking to you and after a week or so of casual texting said she wanted to get back together, you might jump at it at first or shoot it down out of spite, and either way, you'd likely be torn in making the decision and if you got back together, the fact that you spent 5 months unable to get over her, passing on sure-things, etc. while she was off loving life in a relationship would probably eat at you a bit. If you simply move on, no skin off your back, and start living your life, should she ever end up single and initiate contact with you, you'll be in a much better place to make a decision about whether you'd actually want to go for round 2 and you would be a lot less likely to have 'buyer's remorse' if you got back together. My girlfriend and I have been together five years. In 2009 my life went to hell; my mom had been sick for a couple of years, my grades were falling apart, I wasn't working out, didn't want to socialize, hardly went to class at all and basically barely left our apartment. We were living together and except for hockey practice/games or when she'd drag me out on a weekend to see our friends, she was the only person I socialized with besides my playstation and my bong (haven't smoked in 3 years, but that's a different story!). My mother passed away that year, I became significantly less sociable and obviously had feelings and angers that I really had nowhere to direct which she often ended up having to bear and eventually she dumped me. It was devastating; I knew she was the one and I'd just lost my mom and now her?

Well, I'd lost her because I'd been a miserable, depressed, moody *****. I transferred down to CW Post for a semester, partied my ass off, made a bunch of friends, hooked up with a lot of girls and occasionally my ex would text me to check up on me. When I realized that I was no longer the moody, depressed character that got me dumped in the first place, I one day suggested she come down to one of my parties at Post. She did, and we hooked up. A few weeks later, she came back and we hooked up. A few weeks later I took her to dinner and asked her why we weren't dating. She explained how miserable I'd gotten and I asked if I didn't seem different now. After 4.5 months apart, we got back together and have been ever since. The only way that I ended up getting back together with her though was by saying **** it and not thinking about her. I'm not saying I didn't think about her ever, but I definitely went on with my life, hooked up with a lot of girls, met a lot of new people and had a blast. Post will always stick out as 5 months that were a ton of fun, albeit a bit reckless because, beneath my partying exterior, I had just lost my mom and girlfriend and was dealing with some heavy shiz. But the point is, I was in a much better mental state to reestablish our connection and determine if I really wanted it because I hadn't been dwelling on her, had experienced a bunch of other women and had made a new social life that didn't need her at all. If I hadn't transferred and had stayed at my old school, in my old routines and I'd have thought about her all the time, seen things and places that reminded me of her, I probably wouldn't have hooked up with a lot of girls because my happiness and confidence would have been lower and I ultimately either wouldn't have gotten her back, or if she'd given me the chance, I would have blown it again. Instead, I forgot about her for a few months, added some stamps to my man card and when she came back around, I was a more impressive man than I'd been when she left me. We're very happy, living together, and will get engaged when I find a ****ing real job.

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