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01-23-2013, 11:00 PM
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Sad King Jimmy
That's hockey baby!
 
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Raleigh
Country: United States
Posts: 5,289
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Sabres at Hurricanes: Here's Your God Damn Police Report Edition-Sabres at Hurricanes




The Story So Far



Buffalo has been in the league forever, naturally, being a small town in Alberta. The team continues to draw sellout crowds despite being buried in 15 feet of snow year round, a feat that no professional hockey team based in Raleigh, NC can boast. Little is know about the citizens of the city, but there is one thing we can confirm: They travel south of the border, searching for women to steal. It's said that the women of the town are unfit to breed with, leading to this disgusting practice of abduction. As this is a home game, be alert, hide you wifes, hide yo kids, since there will be many Buffolonian men on the prowl for a mate.

Also, the Sabres have recently begun playing in nearby Pegulaville, where the arena manager has personally guaranteed Multiple. STANLEY. CUPS.

FUN FACT:Former Sabres player and color commentator Jim Lorentz is a native of Ontario, and is currently working on a book about salmon fishing!



Raleigh is a town in the deep south, more know for it's strong tradition of ritualistic human sacrifice before NASCAR races than anything else. The local ice hockey team was stolen in a sickening way from the noted hockey utopia Hartford, Connecticut. It remains the only professional team in state history to win a championship. Ultimately there are very few local fans, most preferring chewing tobacco and meth use to watching a "stickpuck match" as hockey games are known locally.

FUN FACT:The Buffalo Sabres are the only franchise the Carolina Hurricanes have never made a trade with!

A brief history of sports in Buffalo:











A brief history of sports in Carolina:











FUN FACT:Tonight is Family Night, College Night, AND a Sabres game. Expect lots of children, of the small and screaming, drunk, and bitter varieties!


Key players for the Sabres







Key players for the Canes






FUN FACT:One cannot spell Sabėr without resorting to foreign characters due to whiny Sabźr fans whining about people misspelling Sabres. My many petitions to Admin Chainshot asking that all instances of Stall being auto-corrected to Staal have so far gone ignored.

The Venue: PNC ARENA


(Moments after the 06 cup "win")



Lineups




Tlusty-E.Staal-Semin
Skinner-J.Staal-Dalpe
Bowman-Jokinen-LaRose
Dwyer-Brent-Westgarth

Faulk-Gleason
Pitkanen-McBain
Sanguinetti-Harrison


Ward
Ellis

Stormy as the mascot







Thomas Vanek-Cody Hodgson-Jason Pominville
Marcus Foligno-Tyler Ennis-Drew Stafford
Nathan Gerbe-Mikhail Grigorenk -Steve Ott
John Scott-Jochen Hecht-Patrick Kaleta

Robyn Regehr-Tyler Myers
Christian Ehrhoff-Alexander Sulzer
Jordan Leopold-Andrej Sekera

Jhonas Enroth
Ryan Miller

Slugy as the mascot



FUN FACT: Jeff Skinner dives!


And since this GDT was put together in the South, it's only appropriate that we end in a prayer

Our Anton, Who art in Calgary
Hallowed be Thy Stick;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
in Raleigh as it is in Kiev.
Give us this day our daily meth,
and forgive us our overdoses,
as we forgive those who play hockey really well against us;
and lead us not into defeat,
but deliver us from Buffalo. JFWP, AMEN.



Last edited by Sad King Jimmy: 01-24-2013 at 01:28 PM.
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