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01-31-2013, 10:34 AM
MartyOwns's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Country: United States
Posts: 11,230
vCash: 500
LO! since the beginning of time, man has grasped sticks made of birch-ed wood, and thwacked pucks across sheets of ice. It is believed the first hockey player was of caveman-ian descent. Early scribblings on the bottom of Noahís Arc would suggest they fashioned crude instruments made of fossilized dinosaur dung, sun-baked dirt clumps and used leaves as a makeshift net. back and forth, these cavemen would slide- gripping dung, blocking clumps of dirt, and throwing fisticuffs with the first man who was around them. it is a little known fact that niclas lidstromís father was regarded as one of the best defenseman in the league until he fell into that tar pit. oh, that tar pit. it swallowed more talent than lindsay lohan. eventually a sign would be made, and placed in front of the tar pit. you know, to avoid cavemen continuously falling into the tar pit, or being lured into one by a sneaky leprechaun. Alas, as reading comprehension at that point in history was around the same level as current-level Boston, the sign proved to be futile in preventing more tar-pit related injuries. eventually, Jesus filled the tar pits in. he had never foreseen that His creation would be severely hindered as a direct result of a tar pit. eventually, He had enough, and came down to earth, shining as bright as the lights on broadway, to say Ďalright! enough! here, I put sand in all the tar pits. now go forth and be happy!í this merely led to cavemen falling into sand and tar pits, a much slower and grainier way to die. Even had sand in your shoe? ever had it entomb you? very different. surprisingly, early data suggests that while sand in a shoe can be more annoying, injury by sand and tar lead leads to death more frequently. either way, youre kinda screwed.

but this isnít about tar pits. there will be no tar pits when the devils take the ice against their rival icelanders. thatís one thing we really donít have to worry about in this country. I would say, on a top 10 list of actionable issues, tar pits would fall below poverty, yet above heroin addiction. past presidents are to thank for this- the No Tar Pit Left Behind Act of 2003 shaped the way we think about tar pits, how we can avoid them, and how we can escape one we have found ourselves in that moment of peril, that panicky feeling consuming our bodies, our lungs filled with tar, confusion and panic sweeping every organ in our body.

really- this isnít about tar pits. I digress. the devils of new jersey will have to score more goals than their opposition as our caveman forefathers did so many years ago.

lgd. Iíll be there (living social, not sure where yet)

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