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02-03-2013, 12:04 PM
  #99
LostLiquorLicense
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Pittsburgh
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The Ten Commandments of Joe Vitale

And Joe spake all these words, saying,

I am the Lord thy Vitale, which have brought thee out of the land of Lockout, out of the house of bondage.

1. Thou shalt have no other 4th liners before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven Adams', or any likeness of any player that is in 3rd line above, or that is in the press box beneath, or that is on the snow upon the ice. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy Vitale am a jealous Joe, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Vitale in vain; for the Lord Joe will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the Hockey Night in Pittsburgh, to keep it holy. On about every other day shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the chosen day's are the game day of the Lord thy Vitale: in them thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy wife/girlfriend, nor that one friend that's always really negative, nor thy buddy's girlfriend that talks about girly things while the game is on, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates(unless thou be-ith from thy unholy land of Sodomelphia and Philmorra): For in one shift the Vitale made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and NEVER rested on any shift or any day: wherefore the Lord Joe blessed the game day, and hallowed it.

5. Honour thy Mario and thy Burkle: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy Vitale giveth thee.

6. Thou shalt always kill penalties.

7. Thou shalt not commit turnovers.

8. Thou shalt always steal pucks on the forecheck.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness made against thy teammate. Thou shall retaliate.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's winger, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's prospect, nor his coach, nor his general manager, nor his play-by-play guy, nor his color commentator, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

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