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03-01-2013, 01:39 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Under the Bridge
Posts: 4,332
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My name is Johan "The Mule" Franzen (I don't know why they call me that, because sometimes I fall down like a 5-year old in a Korn mosh pit, but the ladies seem to think it's cute so I roll with it), and I play professional ice hockey for the NHL's Detroit Red Wings. I understand you might be looking to add a power forward to your roster, and would like to extol the benefits of having me on the team:

- I can make wide-open, tape-to-tape passes very easily;
- I can stand at the opposing blue line and wait very patiently for my team to advance the puck to me;
- I can shoot the puck pretty hard, and almost always scare the crap out of the goalie unless I'm standing within 3 feet of the net -- then the puck sometimes goes in it;
- I can carry the puck into the zone under pressure, and am very willing to give the other team the puck as long as they ask for it politely;
- I'm really good at conserving energy;
- My salary isn't very high, and I'm under contract for a long time (that's good, right?)

If you or someone you know would like to hire me, please contact my agent. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Last edited by RedMenace: 03-01-2013 at 02:18 PM.
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