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03-29-2013, 10:05 AM
Dying Alive
Phil = 2x Champ
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Pittsburgh
Country: Ireland
Posts: 11,763
vCash: 500
Quick Start Guide to Pens Fandom - Some things it's important for you to be familiar with if you're going to be hopping on the bandwagon.

We're all Bandwagoners - True. There were no Pens fans before Crosby was drafted. None. In fact, some of us question whether the NHL even existed before 2005 at all. We have yet to see any compelling evidence.

Pens tanked to get Crosby/Malkin/Fleury/etc. - Obviously true. A team with Dick Tarnstrom as its leading scorer should clearly be trucking everyone else night in and night out. Imagine if they hadn't been bankrupt and could actually afford to pay a real NHL'er or two. They might have given the 80s Oilers a run for their money...except they wouldn't have bothered. Easier just to tank.

The Crosby Lottery was rigged - Also true. Flying in the face of all logic that a rigged lottery would have sent him to a large market or one of Bettman's sunbelt teams, he was awarded to the Penguins via a clandestine plot and weighted ping pong balls. Never bring up the point that the Pens were the worst team in the NHL the season before the lockout and thus had the best chance of winning the lottery anyway. Nobody cares for your fancypants "facts."

Pens almost moved to KC because they had no fans - Since it's already been validated that they had no fans, this is true. A corrupt former owner, an absolute ****hole of an arena with a terrible lease agreement, and inept local politics played absolutely no part in it whatsoever. It's also of no relevance to point out strong tv ratings even when attendance wasn't the greatest. Nobody was actually watching.

Gary Bettman loves us and makes sure we win at all costs - I mean, who wouldn't, right? I'm really not clear on whether he pays the refs out of his own pocket or if there's a petty cash fund set aside for it, though.

The Penguins are an "arrogant organization" - from the owners to the janitors, nothing but arrogance. John Tortorella says so.

Welcome aboard.

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