Official Theofan's Doghouse Thread
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12-31-2003, 12:33 PM
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Long Island
Dear Alex Kovalev,...whoa, did you see the talented Alex Kovalev steal the puck from that defensemen? Wow. Hey, did you see the super Alex Kovalev work his way through 3 men!? Holy cow. Look, did you see superstar Alex Kovalev stickhandle in the offense zone and make a fool out of the other team's defense? Ain't that special. Did you see what happened next?
"Kovalev in the perfect shooting lane...pass intercepted and cleared."
"Kovalev two on one, in on net....pass doesn't make its way through."
"Kovalev to Nedved...to Kovalev...to Nedved...back to Kovalev...over to Nedved, goalie's down and out, passed to Kovalev, Kovy with the open net.......back to Nedved...."
"Kovalev all alone on the Breakaway, Alex one on one with the goalie...Alex in.........drop pass....nobody's there, goalie covers."
Fantastic. But did you see the move's he put on? Makes it all worth wild doesn't it?
Actually, no...it doesn't.
Now is this the reason why our SUPERSTAR WINGER Alex "The Great" Kovalev only has a super DUPER 5 ******* goals?
Well, almost. But to really understand how our stickhandling guru failed to not even come up with half as many goals as a soon to be 43 year old center entering the new year, you must also understand this.....
"Kovalev with the puck, winds and shoots....wide."
"Kovalev at the point, drives in on goal....into the netting, play goes dead"
"Kovalev 2 on 1 with Rucinsky...Rucinsky with the puck...goalie trips and falls, passes to Kovalev, Kovalev with the open net..........wide"
"Kovalev steals the puck, works his way past one defenseman and what a nifty move to get around the second, Kovy now alone in on the breakway...shoots....wide."
Can it possibly be explainable? Maybe...maybe you could say Alex isn't a big city kinda guy and this isn't the place for him. Maybe you could say he isn't comfortable with his linemates. Maybe you could say it's a headcase. Maybe you're just on a frozen cold streak and just had a bad bounce or two or 30.
If that's the case, maybe you should get advice from Mike Dunham on how to blame those bounces and not take any blame.
But in any case, Alex, why don't you take off your coat and stay awhile? Afterall, it's not like it looks like you're going to be leaving anytime soon. We have a nice big room for you, perfect for you to stickhandle till you're blue in the face, and don't worry, there's no goal. We know how much of an "annoyance" they are for you.
Welcome to the Doghouse, Alex.
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