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05-18-2013, 10:04 AM
Join Date: Feb 2002
Originally Posted by
I read that as Ruffles and was wondering how you could get high off chips....
Jerry's family returns home unexpectedly to find the front door not only locked, but bolted. As Theresa unlatches each, she swears that she hears a distant rustle of plastic foil.
A child run through the open door and piles onto the couch next to his father. "Are you feeling better yet, dad?" queries Quincy, age seven.
"Uh, why yes, Batman, I am," answers a bewildered Jerry. Theresa instructs her giggling child to run along and play computer games.
"What's that in your mustache, Jerry?" asks Theresa.
"(Whoa, seven floating wife heads) Why, it's nothing more than ...toast crumbs, my darlings, I have been eating a snack of toast," rambles her husband.
"Jerry... I am going to ask you to take your palms... and rub them against your shirt," directs a tremulous Theresa.
Bitter clarity and guilt rush over a broken man as two embarrassing grease stains streak behind his shaking hands.
"Oh god, Theresa, I am so sorry. I just have ...this ...hunger inside of me," wails Jerry as he retrieves a rolled-up Ruffles bag from under the couch. He falls to his wife's feet and issues a defeated challenge. "Betcha can't eat just ...one."
Months later Jerry's family visits him in the rehab hospital, his boy runs up to the bedside and they catch up.
"Coach said that if I keep it up, I'll break your school home run record when I'm older, dad! He said that when it comes to hitting taters, I'm a real chip off the ol' block," beamed Quincy.
Madness suddenly clicking in his eyes, Jerry leaps out of bed and his atrophied legs churn feverishly as he bursts through hospital doors, never to be seen again.
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