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Old
04-07-2008, 09:55 PM
  #1
xanbo
 
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NHL Playoffs Snub CBJ

NHL Playoffs Snub CBJ
compiled from AP wire reports
Monday, April 7, 2008 10:55PM

Inside sources are reporting the NHL Playoff Selection Committee will not be inviting the Columbus Blue Jackets to play for Lord Stanley's Cup, citing a need for more "competitive" clubs in the playoffs. Despite a franchise-best 80 points in the standings and scoring nearly 200 goals, it appears the NHLPSC is prepared to leave out what is possibly sure to be one of the maybe most exciting clubs in 2011-2012.

"It just doesn't make sense," said winger Jason Chimera. "We had 34 wins and 12 overtime losses. Last time I checked that adds up to 3412 points. We are a top-40 team, for sure."

A dejected Dan Fitsche then pouted something unintelligible. Nikolai Zherdev's agent Sasha Tyinych translated Fitsche's comments as a resolve to get acclimated to the North American lifestyle and better endear himself to teammates. When informed that Fritsche was speaking English, Tyinych was quick to retort that "I'm usually making up all this BS as I go. What a country."

The scene was more terse in the Arena District bars, where at least a dozen people seemed vaguely aware there was a hockey team in town. Terrence Guiles, a German Village carpenter and self-described fan, vented his outrage. "I paid my season ticket deposit for next year on time just so I could get these playoff tickets. Now these fat cats in Toronto say otherwise. When is Toronto going to stop reversing our decisions?" Drinking buddy Frank White added, "I can't believe there won't be two more home games I couldn't possibly have afforded."

Deep in the bowels of Nationwide Arena, stadium M.C. Mike Todd was frozen in disbelief. "We had a whole 'nother SNL skit to rip off for the pregame video. We found a way to take yet another unfunny skit and somehow make it even less funny... most people couldn't even do that if they were bored enough to try. Well, I was bored enough. I'm Mike Todd."

But perhaps the saddest face in town belonged to the sprinkler kid. Beloved by all for his annoying antics and sugar-buzzed twitches, sprinkler kid wasn't ready to accept that Columbus would spend another six months without his pseudo-rhythmic leg jerks. "The kids at school don't get me. Sure they point and snicker, too. But they don't put me on a jumbotron and immortalize my awkward phase."

Majority owner John H. McConnell weighed in with one final thought, "these loyal fans of Cleveland pay their hard-earned dollar to support this soccer team each and every Sunday. If we don't make the Final Four next year, I might just have this tired old speech memorized."

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04-07-2008, 10:10 PM
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Robert
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Funny....

Hitch still thinks he has Hatcher and Howson still thinks he is making moves for the Oil.

Hell, Howson didn't even know what state Columbus was in before he got that call from Priest who he promply asked, who the heck is Jody Shelley? Priest said the boards say he sucks which Howie quickly confirmed and traded him prior to our playoff push so we could improve our lack of scoring woes... lol

Awesome front office, second to none...

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04-07-2008, 10:13 PM
  #3
kidAcbj
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bravo sir...bravo

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04-07-2008, 10:41 PM
  #4
CBJSprague24
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Nice, but who's Dan Fitsche?

And don't forget the refs who would make 10000 bad calls when the CBJ got into the playoffs. Like interference calls on Jan Hejda as he steps out of the box. Davidge was livid about that during the STL game Sunday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xanbo View Post
We found a way to take yet another unfunny skit and somehow make it even less funny
OT, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the SNL "More Cowbell" skit sucked.

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