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OT- I like to fight too much, any tips to control my anger?

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Old
08-03-2008, 02:58 AM
  #26
BloatedGuppy
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Originally Posted by Africa. View Post
I woudn't have gotten mad if she hadn't been so rude about it. She leaned over and said '' shut off your ******* phone '' not even a please, or in a nicer choice of words. As for mooks...why are you passing judgement? I am not insecure, nor is there nothing going on in my life, I'm happy, and live well with the people who respect me. Once again, it's not like I go around hitting people who haven't done anything to me, yes I enjoy the rush of a fight, but I'm sure I'm not the only one out there.

No offense, but I just get the vibe that because you've been in fights with a*sholes, you feel the need to stereotype everybody. I'm not like that. I'm naturally nice to people, until they give me a reason not too, and when they do, that's when I start getting rude, and then, sometimes, a fight happens.

I've appreciated the suggestions of some people on here, but some people are being straight ********** about it. I would never be able to hit someone in the head with a pipe, or something of the sort, because that's just not me, but I do get into fist-fights, and some people are replying like I'm a thug.
She was rude about it because there isn't a theatre in the world that doesn't employ and enforce a no cell phones policy. Why? Because, as people have mentioned, its distracting and it's rude. Seriously, it's common sense, like no peeing in the swimming pool. It's not like you're unaware of it.

Second, why the hell did you make this post if all you planned on doing was responding to negative feedback with defensiveness and insults? From this perspective, it looks like all you really wanted was an audience to rationalize your behavior to.

In all honesty, the sequence of events you described flows something like this:

- You were an ass for fiddling with your ****** cell phone during a movie.
- She was rude because of your teenage girl fascination with your cellphone.
- You were rude because she was a snot about asking you to turn it off.
- Her boyfriend got testosterone poisoning because you were rude to his girlfriend, and acted like a jerk.
- You got testosterone poisoning because someone bumped you, so it's time to freak the hell out. Right? Right.

So basically there was a nice chain reaction of people acting like idiots, starting with you. Know how you stop that from happening? Make a concious decision not to be one of the idiots. The "they started it" defense stops being valid after kindgarten. You're an adult. Try acting like it, and you'll find you get in less fights.

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08-03-2008, 02:59 AM
  #27
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Originally Posted by Reaper45 View Post
You sound like me when I was a teenager. You'll calm down. I'm 25 now, and I've still got the temper but the restraint is there now where it never was before.
I'm just 16 man...I like to think I'll grow out of it, but I'm trying to do something about it now, but I find it hard to control my temper when I get provoked.

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Old
08-03-2008, 03:00 AM
  #28
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I'm just 16 man...I like to think I'll grow out of it, but I'm trying to do something about it now, but I find it hard to control my temper when I get provoked.
Okay you're not an adult, I take it back.

Cellphone fascination, check.
Hormonal imbalance, check.
Need to act like a spaz every time something doesn't go your way, check.

Nothing to worry about, you're a 16 year old guy. Take 10 years and some perspective and everything will be fine.

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08-03-2008, 03:07 AM
  #29
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Originally Posted by Africa. View Post
I'm just 16 man...I like to think I'll grow out of it, but I'm trying to do something about it now, but I find it hard to control my temper when I get provoked.
Ah if you're just 16 then that obviously changes things a bit. I'd still recommend you take my advice and really think long and hard about why it is you want to fight in those situations, once you have that answer you'll know what you need to do. Once you make it out of high school you'll probably calm down a bit like most people because college and the real world are quite a different place.

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08-03-2008, 03:10 AM
  #30
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Originally Posted by Class Act View Post
If you're not willing to listen to advice and refute everything people have to say, I'd say asking for advice on forums isn't for you. Like someone said, try a 350 lb bouncer... if he'd actually take you seriously. I'd say try visualizing some scenarios where you've gotten pissed off, and re-enact in your mind how you should have taken care of the situation. Works to calm my nerves sometimes... both nervousness and anger.

Edit: Might be just the way we're brought up, but the point about you refuting what people have to say -

I only said that because in my mind, anybody that goes into fist fights, unless it's self defense are *******s. Especially when they get a satisfaction out of it. If giving people physical suffering makes you happy, well... but that's just my personal belief and I'm sure it's the same for some people out there. Gotta understand where some people are coming from. But I get you if you don't feel that you're being an ***. Maybe just a bit too self-righteous?
I'm listening, I just don't appreciate people telling me I have nothing going on. I didn't get mad when someone said '' professional help '' or refute it. It's also not the physical suffering that makes me happy, but the adrenaline I get from a fight. I don't think to myself after a fight '' I hope he's in a lot of pain, that was fun! '' maybe I am a bit too self-righteous, but I've always been a hot-head, and never enjoyed people being rude to me for no reason, but from now on, I'll try to control myself better.

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Old
08-03-2008, 03:14 AM
  #31
Randall Ritchey
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Originally Posted by obcd1 View Post
I would have punched you for opening your cell phone. How can a message be THIS important that you can't wait one hour before looking at it.
What if someone died? Huh? Maybe his cousin got stabbed and decapitated on a gray hound bus?

No, I was the same way when i was 15. i spent the night in jail after getting into a fight at a baseball game. trust me, big city jails suck. i've been in juvy. then when i turned 17, i signed up for this MMA class. Trust me. You learn to control it. Then again, after a 4 hour mma workout, you wouldn't have the energy to throw a punch.

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Old
08-03-2008, 03:15 AM
  #32
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I never got violence. It's a primitive expression of self doubt and insecurity. I'm with FLY on this one. There are tons of people lacking manners and respect but you gotta ask yourself why do you feel the urge to be the one to teach them a lesson? Why do you feel the need to command respect and resort to fighting to get it? Do you feel more of a man, that you kicked someone's ass? Does it validate your SELF-perceived position as a dominant male of this society?

I've been in my share of fights, only in self defense never instigated, most probably from guys like you. I've felt like a mindless monkey every time. It sucks that people resort to this. That no one can just settle an argument like mature adults and resolve the situation preferably by simply walking away.

You say you enjoy it and you instigate a lot. You're insecure buddy and all it means is that you don't have much else going for you. You pretty much feel like you have nothing to loose so you black out on the moment and succumb to your anger. Life has a hell of a lot more frustrating things than someone "disrespecting" you, your majesty. Once you have things going for you and bigger problems to worry about, someone gettting on your nerves would be the least of your worries.

Time to grow up. Seriously.
Do your comments apply to Sergei Kostitsyn as well? :

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08-03-2008, 03:16 AM
  #33
Africa.
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Originally Posted by Stemps View Post
What if someone died? Huh? Maybe his cousin got stabbed and decapitated on a gray hound bus?

No, I was the same way when i was 15. i spent the night in jail after getting into a fight at a baseball game. trust me, big city jails suck. i've been in juvy. then when i turned 17, i signed up for this MMA class. Trust me. You learn to control it. Then again, after a 4 hour mma workout, you wouldn't have the energy to throw a punch.
Especially after I got woken up a week ago getting a text saying a classmate from school died in a car crash, you just never know.

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08-03-2008, 03:21 AM
  #34
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Originally Posted by Africa. View Post
I woudn't have gotten mad if she hadn't been so rude about it. She leaned over and said '' shut off your ******* phone '' not even a please, or in a nicer choice of words. As for mooks...why are you passing judgement? I am not insecure, nor is there nothing going on in my life, I'm happy, and live well with the people who respect me. Once again, it's not like I go around hitting people who haven't done anything to me, yes I enjoy the rush of a fight, but I'm sure I'm not the only one out there.

No offense, but I just get the vibe that because you've been in fights with a*sholes, you feel the need to stereotype everybody. I'm not like that. I'm naturally nice to people, until they give me a reason not too, and when they do, that's when I start getting rude, and then, sometimes, a fight happens.

I've appreciated the suggestions of some people on here, but some people are being straight ********** about it. I would never be able to hit someone in the head with a pipe, or something of the sort, because that's just not me, but I do get into fist-fights, and some people are replying like I'm a thug.
Don't take my opinion as an insult. You started a thread and i simply voiced my thoughts. If you're seeking tips, then you must have identified a problem that, in your opinion, needs to be addressed. So if I'm posting like something is out of the ordinary with the way you handle ignorant people (and there are PLENTY) then you shouldn't take offense.

I've met people with your demeanor and have been in confrontations with them. Heck, some are even people I chill with. I'm really not stereotyping yourself as a thug (seeking advice in a forum doesn't fit that bill) but you have to realize that insecurity takes many forms and can be expressed in different ways. You might think you're not but, in essence, at the very core of it all, it is insecurity.

There have been many helpful replies and my previous post contains questions which I truly feel you need to meditate on if you really want to control your anger. I'm not trying to be a prude (I'm 24), but I cant pretend that your behavior is normal for the sake of being e-nice.

You want a practical tip? As an exercise, the next time you feel blood rushing to your head from someone disrespectful, do the complete opposite of what you would normally do. Whether it's ignoring the person or walking away, let the the moment pass and see how you feel.

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08-03-2008, 03:23 AM
  #35
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Actually, I cant stand people using their cell phones for any sorts of purposes no matter where they are, like in the movie theatre or whereever. It's like people, get the **** away from your phones for just a little while, it cant hurt you. You went to watch the film, so concentrate on that, text or talk later. People were doing that in TDK, this one guy about 5 times through the movie, another chick close to that...I was actually rather annoyed. Should have smacked them both upside the head. You know, get it together.

We know, you have a cell phone...big deal.

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08-03-2008, 03:23 AM
  #36
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Originally Posted by Africa. View Post
Especially after I got woken up a week ago getting a text saying a classmate from school died in a car crash, you just never know.
Technically you're supposed to get up and go to the entry way out of sight if you're going to check your text messages, but if you only did it once and tried to conceal it she should've probably let it slide. Now if you kept opening it repeatedly or held it up in her view I can see her being upset. Still doesn't excuse being rude to you, but in that situation you can either ignore the person or just be polite. Remember when the movie is over you're probably never going to see that person again anyway, no point in dragging them into your life permanently by allowing them to drag you into a problem situation.

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08-03-2008, 03:25 AM
  #37
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You need to be very careful with fighting however. There are alot of people who are either looking for a fight and going to take you down, or people who very well might kill you because of how they fight. I know personally (I don't fight, and never will unless it's protecting my sister, mother, or grandmother) if I was in a situation where I was going to end up fighting I wouldn't be throwing punches, I would be going for eyes, throat, or balls, and then taking their head and bashing it against the ground with intent to kill. Theres alot of people out there who would take the same approach and if you cross one who just wants to do that for any small thing you could be in trouble. Not to mention guns and knives.

If its a family issue I can understand it, but your friends can protect themselves, and just walk away if its towards you, run for an hour or so until the anger is gone.

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08-03-2008, 03:26 AM
  #38
Africa.
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Originally Posted by m00ks View Post
Don't take my opinion as an insult. You started a thread and i simply voiced my thoughts. If you're seeking tips, then you must have identified a problem that, in your opinion, needs to be addressed. So if I'm posting like something is out of the ordinary with the way you handle ignorant people (and there are PLENTY) then you shouldn't take offense.

I've met people with your demeanor and have been in confrontations with them. Heck, some are even people I chill with. I'm really not stereotyping yourself as a thug (seeking advice in a forum doesn't fit that bill) but you have to realize that insecurity takes many forms and can be expressed in different ways. You might think you're not but, in essence, at the very core of it all, it is insecurity.

There have been many helpful replies and my previous post contains questions which I truly feel you need to meditate on if you really want to control your anger. I'm not trying to be a prude (I'm 24), but I cant pretend that your behavior is normal for the sake of being e-nice.

You want a practical tip? As an exercise, the next time you feel blood rushing to your head from someone disrespectful, do the complete opposite of what you would normally do. Whether it's ignoring the person or walking away, let the the moment pass and see how you feel.
I understand, I just think the '' you probably having nothing going on for you '' comment wasn't needed, but that's fine. What I'm trying to figure out is if this behavior is normal for a 16 year-old, I'm trying to figure out if I really should go take some anger management classes, or if I'll just grow out of it.

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Old
08-03-2008, 03:29 AM
  #39
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Originally Posted by Africa. View Post
I'm listening, I just don't appreciate people telling me I have nothing going on.
About that. When you get a wife and kids to go home to, a job that matters to you, an important meeting the next day, school exams, deadlines to meet or anything worth losing from getting a criminal record or risking your health, suddenly things gets put into perspective.

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08-03-2008, 03:31 AM
  #40
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About that. When you get a wife and kids to go home to, a job that matters to you, an important meeting the next day, school exams, deadlines to meet or anything worth losing from getting a criminal record or risking your health, suddenly things gets put into perspective.
Obviously, I'm 16 and it's summer, so I don't have anything of the sort to think about, but you could have phrased it better in your 1st post, but it's fine, no hard feelings.

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08-03-2008, 03:33 AM
  #41
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Any tips to help me control my anger, if anyone's has been or is the same way? I don't know what it is...i'm a nice guy to most people, but when someone gives me an attitude, or an attitude to friends or girlfriends, or just a guy who thinks he's the s*it in general, I'm quick to start arguing and shoving and fighting or giving attitude.

Take for example....today. I'm at the movies, and I get a text, it was on vibrate so no one could hear, I take it my phone quietly and text back, with my phone next to my knee. This 20 something lady, tells me to turn off my phone in a rude manner, after the movie I look at her and tell her the movie was on the screen and not near my knee. Afterwards, her 300 pound boyfriend wanting to show off, for some reason, feels it's okay to bump into me, probably thinking I was a dumb teen who woudn't do anything about it, so I get angry and kinda shove him, asking him what's his problem, obviously, since he doesn't wanna go to jail for hitting a kid, just walks away calling me a dirtbag. I know you're not suppose to let people walk over you, but my problem is I get angry too quickly.

I'm quick to throw my fists, I've been in quite a few fights in my life, and when I think about it, it's mostly been me who started them, and I've enjoyed it. I've never fought a friend, or someone I knew, it's usually been someone who gave me or friends attitude. I kinda want to start controlling myself better though in those kind of situations, any tips?
First of all you seem to have some anger management problems, which is not something totally unusual at your age.

Fighting is never the right way to act, unless you need to protect someone. And sooner and later, you will pick the wrong guy and you will end up with a few holes in your body (you would be amazed to see how many guys will used a knife as self-defense, even if it highly illegal). You will see that there is a few guys who can be a lot more crazier than you. You just need to find one of those and your life can change dramatically in a minute.

If you need to control your anger, you can try Muay Thai (which I personally did but for it wasn't for controlling my tempter). You will learn that there is a few guys who are much stronger than you and you will learn discipline with some extremely intense exercises and cardio session. It a great martial arts and I personally think it the most effective one for self-defense. Plus all that cardio session will help you to temper your aggressiveness and should give you a lot more discipline. You can try Karate but I always tough it wasn't that effective. I saw some fat dudes doing karate, I never saw a fat guy doing Muay Thai.

If it doesn't work, you can always try to seek some help from a professional. Obviously, you can't continue to act this. Either you will end up in jail for the night and you might screw your future professional career (a criminal file is never a good thing), either you will end up at the hospital or even worse....

Even the best fighters in the Mix Martials Arts will tell you that they will avoid street fights at all cost because you can't predict what will happen. Your ego doesn't worth your life.

Fighting for protecting your life or someone you care about is one thing. Fighting for your ego is a other....

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Old
08-03-2008, 03:40 AM
  #42
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Obviously, I'm 16 and it's summer, so I don't have anything of the sort to think about, but you could have phrased it better in your 1st post, but it's fine, no hard feelings.
Let's put it this way, if you've been in a few fist fights and never attempted to maim anyone like the crazy German guy with the Datsyuk avatar above you're probably fine.

16 year old kids do stupid things for acceptance and to boost their own self esteem, it's just how it is. Anger management may not be a bad thing to try just from an education standpoint even if you really don't need it. You may be able to help someone else out one day with the knowledge you pick up. Once you turn 18 and leave high school the world as you perceive it will change completely provided you go on to bigger and better things, if you're still having problems at that point then you need to worry about getting help.

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08-03-2008, 03:44 AM
  #43
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Any tips to help me control my anger, if anyone's has been or is the same way? I don't know what it is...i'm a nice guy to most people, but when someone gives me an attitude, or an attitude to friends or girlfriends, or just a guy who thinks he's the s*it in general, I'm quick to start arguing and shoving and fighting or giving attitude.

Take for example....today. I'm at the movies, and I get a text, it was on vibrate so no one could hear, I take it my phone quietly and text back, with my phone next to my knee. This 20 something lady, tells me to turn off my phone in a rude manner, after the movie I look at her and tell her the movie was on the screen and not near my knee. Afterwards, her 300 pound boyfriend wanting to show off, for some reason, feels it's okay to bump into me, probably thinking I was a dumb teen who woudn't do anything about it, so I get angry and kinda shove him, asking him what's his problem, obviously, since he doesn't wanna go to jail for hitting a kid, just walks away calling me a dirtbag. I know you're not suppose to let people walk over you, but my problem is I get angry too quickly.

I'm quick to throw my fists, I've been in quite a few fights in my life, and when I think about it, it's mostly been me who started them, and I've enjoyed it. I've never fought a friend, or someone I knew, it's usually been someone who gave me or friends attitude. I kinda want to start controlling myself better though in those kind of situations, any tips?

You're the opposite of me. It's very difficult for me to get mad.

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08-03-2008, 03:59 AM
  #44
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You're the opposite of me. It's very difficult for me to get mad.
Metallica sucks

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08-03-2008, 04:20 AM
  #45
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I used to throw down quite a lot until I turned 18. I could be in a bar and someone would give me lipp and I would talk back and we would get it on. It just seemed like the thing to do since I have a black belt in full contact karate and could not imagine walking away from a provocation. I have been stabbed and had bottles crusched over my head and have scars on my forehead and hands. But once I turned 18 and realised that would go to jail next time I broke someones nose and the police caught me I started thinking. Since I fought so much I have developed a 6th sence concerning the type of guys that are looking for troubble and as soon as I smell it around someone I now walk away. And now that I am older and have a nice job and don't hang out in places where fights occur it is not so much of a problem anymore. It's hard when you are young and feel like the other person is getting away with provoking you without experiencing the consequenses of their aggression.


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08-03-2008, 05:06 AM
  #46
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Metallica sucks

Well played, but that actually made me smirk with happiness.

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08-03-2008, 05:11 AM
  #47
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It's also not the physical suffering that makes me happy, but the adrenaline I get from a fight.
Then start boxing or whatever other martial art does it for you so you can get your kicks with others who like to fight as well. By your own admission you've been in a lot of fights and usually you're the one starting them. To most people that suggests that you're not well in the head.

There's no sugar coating the fact that starting fights because you enjoy the rush of it is not a normal thing to do, nor is it acceptable. It doesn't matter if you're not a complete sociopath (taking up a pipe or whatever). Some day you'll meet one who is or you'll hit someone who falls down smashing their head against something and you'll be in court.

... and yeah, get treatment.

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08-03-2008, 05:20 AM
  #48
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Every time you see red, count to 5 in your head before you do anything. It'll do wonders for your anger issues.

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08-03-2008, 05:51 AM
  #49
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Any tips to help me control my anger, if anyone's has been or is the same way? I don't know what it is...i'm a nice guy to most people, but when someone gives me an attitude, or an attitude to friends or girlfriends, or just a guy who thinks he's the s*it in general, I'm quick to start arguing and shoving and fighting or giving attitude.

Take for example....today. I'm at the movies, and I get a text, it was on vibrate so no one could hear, I take it my phone quietly and text back, with my phone next to my knee. This 20 something lady, tells me to turn off my phone in a rude manner, after the movie I look at her and tell her the movie was on the screen and not near my knee. Afterwards, her 300 pound boyfriend wanting to show off, for some reason, feels it's okay to bump into me, probably thinking I was a dumb teen who woudn't do anything about it, so I get angry and kinda shove him, asking him what's his problem, obviously, since he doesn't wanna go to jail for hitting a kid, just walks away calling me a dirtbag. I know you're not suppose to let people walk over you, but my problem is I get angry too quickly.

I'm quick to throw my fists, I've been in quite a few fights in my life, and when I think about it, it's mostly been me who started them, and I've enjoyed it. I've never fought a friend, or someone I knew, it's usually been someone who gave me or friends attitude. I kinda want to start controlling myself better though in those kind of situations, any tips?
OK, here it is. My conception of fighting...combat is a natural expression of the warrior spirit that every males should possess. I don't have a problem with it and it does make sens sometime given the amount of testosterone. Modern society that pussify everything would tell you otherwise. Of course it's easy to enjoy it. I like it even though I come from the opposite direction in that I never had much anger. But your problem is one of anger, probably about the little things and it can become an issue beyond fighting. I agree with the poster who mentioned Karate and martial arts as a way to do what you enjoy doing and in a way excorsises your demons. I have a nephew that had problems at school and Martial Arts totaly changed him for the better. Now he knows he has this power inside of him but just decides to not use it or channel it toward something else.

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08-03-2008, 06:23 AM
  #50
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