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Old
10-28-2004, 01:00 AM
  #26
tritone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Habsolument
I used to do that all the time with some friends from 7 to 12 y.o It was tough on the knees though

BTW more leafs jokes
God , don't every Canadian adult pair of knees know the hardship of long passed hallway hockey games LOL

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Old
10-28-2004, 01:03 AM
  #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueBlue
What do you call fans that can't even support their own team and had to beg an American to buy their team cause the fans or sponsers wanted nothing to do with them? Habs fans! Now that one is real and funny. :lol

Q: What do you call a Leaf fan who desperately feels his Stanley Cup winning team hope dying with every passing day because his team is all decrepid and discovering the joys of arthritis? Feels the need to troll other team threads defending what little honour is left of the crumbling bud they once knew as being the mighty Leaf ?

A : Who cares, it's only a leaf fan anyway

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Old
10-28-2004, 01:22 AM
  #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tritone
Q: What do you call a Leaf fan who desperately feels his Stanley Cup winning team hope dying with every passing day because his team is all decrepid and discovering the joys of arthritis? Feels the need to troll other team threads defending what little honour is left of the crumbling bud they once knew as being the mighty Leaf ?

A : Who cares, it's only a leaf fan anyway
We are fans that are very loyal to our team, through thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do us apart.

Which is why we have such a support, with Canadian owners.

When the Habs let their team fall to an American owner is when I lost total respect for the fans and businesses. They will be leaving just like the Expos which is truly sad. An original 6 team.

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Old
10-28-2004, 02:23 AM
  #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueBlue
We are fans that are very loyal to our team, through thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do us apart.

Which is why we have such a support, with Canadian owners.

When the Habs let their team fall to an American owner is when I lost total respect for the fans and businesses. They will be leaving just like the Expos which is truly sad. An original 6 team.
My last post to you on this thread...it's a JOKE thread, can't take it, go somewhere else.

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Old
10-28-2004, 02:47 AM
  #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tritone
My last post to you on this thread...it's a JOKE thread, can't take it, go somewhere else.

Sorry. I was enjoying the jokes and then the Leafs jokes started so had to squash em.

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Old
10-28-2004, 07:50 AM
  #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueBlue
Sorry. I was enjoying the jokes and then the Leafs jokes started so had to squash em.
Gotta learn to laugh at yourself. I'm sure you've heard this old one.

Some American guy is bad-mouthing Canadians. He says 'Canadians ? All Canada has is hockey players and ******. The other guy says 'my wife's Canadian.' The other guy replies, 'really, what position does she play ?'

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Old
10-28-2004, 10:28 AM
  #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JapanMontrealExpat
Personally, I've often found that golf offers more possibilities for jokes than hockey. Here's one of my favourites, with a Canadian flavour...

Tiger Woods in Newfoundland

Tiger Woods drives his new Volvo into a garage in St. John's on his tour of Newfoundland, Canada. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner, unaware as to who the golf pro. is.... Top of the morning to you etc., etc

Tiger Woods bends down to pick up the pump, and two tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground.

"What are dey Son?" says the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger Woods.

"What're dey for?" enquires the Newfie

"They're for putting my balls on while I'm driving" says Tiger Woods

"Jaysus!" says the Newfie, "Dem boys at Volvo tink of *****in' everyting!!!"


Hope the Newfounland posters don't find it offensive.
That is a sweet one!!!!!

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Old
10-29-2004, 04:11 PM
  #33
tritone
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I've got nothing to say, just wanted too see my new avatar

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Old
10-30-2004, 08:02 PM
  #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueBlue
We are fans that are very loyal to our team, through thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do us apart.

Which is why we have such a support, with Canadian owners.

When the Habs let their team fall to an American owner is when I lost total respect for the fans and businesses. They will be leaving just like the Expos which is truly sad. An original 6 team.
I'm wondering what will happens with the Leafs when the lock-out will be over and when they will be using the next salary cap.

Without any prospects and with older players...

The team's future is so dark that i can't see anything.

By the way, you'll lose the Blue Jays too.

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Old
10-30-2004, 08:10 PM
  #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tritone
I've got nothing to say, just wanted too see my new avatar
It hurts my eyes

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Old
10-30-2004, 08:36 PM
  #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueBlue
We are fans that are very loyal to our team, through thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do us apart.

Which is why we have such a support, with Canadian owners.

When the Habs let their team fall to an American owner is when I lost total respect for the fans and businesses. They will be leaving just like the Expos which is truly sad. An original 6 team.
We now know who will be the next team captain at the special Olympics!!!

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Old
10-31-2004, 08:01 PM
  #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brisson11
It hurts my eyes
Well you should have listened to your mother when she told you not to get so close to the screen all those times.

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Old
10-31-2004, 09:18 PM
  #38
goalchenyuk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueBlue
We are fans that are very loyal to our team, through thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do us apart.

.
it 's tougher for us to be loyal because we have a wining tradition .we are not used to loose as the leafs fans

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Old
11-02-2004, 09:07 PM
  #39
tritone
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50 Fahrenheit (10 C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.

40 Fahrenheit (4.4 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians Sunbathe.

35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down

32 Fahrenheit (0 C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water get thicker.

0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-460 Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

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Old
11-02-2004, 09:14 PM
  #40
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Hockey Terms Everyone Should Know

HOCKEY TERMS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

Blueline-- Mark on ribcage from leaning over bar, replaying game.
PIMs-- Rating system for unskilled players.
Offside-- Hitting on the team owner's daughter.
Pass-- See Offside.
Bodycheck-- Test rink boards, glass, for durability.
Slapshot-- Movie poking fun at Canada's national past-time.
Hooking-- What the gal in the thigh-length boots up in Section 14 does for a living.
Shoot-- What religious kids say after missing wide-open net.
#@$%&#-- What religious kids say after missing net in Week 2 of season.
Scoreboard-- Place for annoying company signs and logos.
Penalty Box-- Good place for TV closeups of players mouthing the "F" word at each other

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Old
11-02-2004, 09:23 PM
  #41
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You Know Your A Hockey Fan If...

YOU KNOW YOUR A HOCKEY FAN IF...

1. Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.

2. You punish your kids with "minors," "majors," and "misconducts."

3.When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and start cheering.

4. You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.

5. Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.

6. You know the difference between "The Garden," "The Gahden," and "The Gardens."

7.All your kids are either named Gordie, Guy or Wayne.

8. You went to see "West Side Story" because you thought it was about a game between Winnipeg and San Jose.

9. You went into a bank because it advertised "Free Checking"....and walked out disappointed.

10. When someone refers to "The Classics," you think they're talking about the Original Six.

11. Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.

12. You can say "Khabibulin," "Tkachuk," "Jagr," "Leschyshyn" and "Tverdovsky" without getting tongue-tied.

13.You're not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word "Check."

14. You think the Four Food Groups are Nachos, Beer, Pretzels and Rubber.

15. You still remember which teams were in the Patrick, Smythe, Norris and Adams divisions and which divisions were in the Campbell and Prince of Wales conferences.

16. When you're at a game, you're not bothered when your kid cusses but when he says "shutout" before the game is over, you threaten to wash his mouth out with soap.

17.You think the proper way to spell the plural of "leaf" is "leafs."

18.Your closet is divided into 2 sections, HOME and AWAY.

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Old
11-04-2004, 09:56 PM
  #42
tritone
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I was looking for the oldest joke in the book but all I could find was this symbol

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Old
11-11-2004, 08:29 AM
  #43
[nixloose] Christoph
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The day after the leafs were bounced from the playoffs, they were at the ACC cleaning out their lockers. Nik Antropov invited the boys over on Canada day for a party, all the players agreed to come.

"Can you all bring beer?" he asked the team...

Domi suggested that he call Quinn, invite him, and tell him to pick up the beer. Quinn agreed to this and said that he would pick it up and bring it over.

Canada day came, and Quinn loaded up his car with case after case of beer for the team and headed over to Nik's place for some fun. On the road, he got stopped at a light and heard the car next to him honking like crazy, and some man yelling "GO LEAFS GO, GO LEAFS GO!"

Quinn unrolled his window, and looked at the man, leafs flags still hanging all over his car...

"Hey Quinny" the man yelled "Whats with all the beer???"

Quinn replied "I picked it up for Antropov"

The man looked at the beer in the back for a moment before yelling...

"Good Trade, Good Trade!!!"

"How many coolies can you get for Berg? "

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Old
11-11-2004, 08:31 AM
  #44
[nixloose] Christoph
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Eddie Belfour walks into a Florida bar after playing the Panthers and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

So Eddie asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

Eddie says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, unfortunately for the Eagle as he drinks he tends to make poor decisions and eventually he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

Eddie staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

:lol this one of my favorites!!! :lol

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