Well, amongst all the horrible play and ****** games to watch, i was greeted with some wonderful news this past weekend. my wife is pregnant with our first kid! we are so excited because we have been trying for a while. it is fairly early, and with it being flu season and with all the bad things going on with swine flu, we are aware of the fact that **** happens sometimes.......BUT, we are doing everything we can to make sure this works. we are being very cautious and she is ALREADY being the OCD "new mom" i would expect from her, even though we JUST found out. she is about 5 weeks along, so we will go for a doctor visit this week and see how things are going and go from there i guess.
man i am so excited! can i get some tips from some of you parents out there (especially the guys!) on what to do at this stage to help her out? thanks!
At this stage, just think about a general plan on how you both plan on approaching this. Think baby room. Shower. Just try to start the planning early to really lighten the load down the road. Also, keep in mind, there are a LOT of gimmick baby items out there... like a "Diaper genie". Often, misconceptions are that baby clothes and toys are what you want to stock up on. The most important items you can ever get as a gift (and you'll adore it when you do) are Wipes, Diapers, and naptimes. Just don't overdo things, keep it simple. From a support standpoint, just share the excitement, and try to make as many appointments as you can. Ask questions (i'd clear them with her first, I asked a really embarrasing question (for my wife) to the doc that got her pissed). It's a great, fun, process.
Down the road, and in the short term:
Always, always, always plan on being the "rock" for the next 12-18 months. There will be points where both of you are struggling both physically and emotionally, but always try to keep your cool, and be the rock for her, your kid, and yourself. Once resolved, go punch a tree if it helps, but being calm, collected, and strong is more of a help than she will even realize she needs.
During the final 3 months, she will be in a lot of pain and tension. Around month 7.5/8, surprise her with a spa treatment. That will be something she will ALWAYS cherish. That wont be "just another day to get a massage". Seriously, it gives the ladies such a nice time, as the backpain is insane.
Don't be afraid to show your fears. It's a scary time, cause everything is brand new. Overall though, just take a deep breath, and cherish every moment, cause they are all special.
My best wishes to you, your wife, and your child. Good luck!
Congrats. I second a lot of what was said above. Just kind of plan to 'be there for each other' at all times you can. if it gets a little freaky as things get closer, just remember its normal. The first time you have no idea what to expect, so everybody is on edge.
As everyone will tell you, you're in for lots of changes in ways you can't even imagine. if not a patient person, learn how to be...you'll need that most of all
Last edited by Citizen Cane: 11-02-2009 at 06:03 PM.
As far as the early part of pregnancy......If she feels like taking a nap...LET HER TAKE A NAP. Don't tease her for being "lazy" or being tired all the time. I have never been so tired in my life as I was in the 1st and beginning of the 2nd trimester. Afino never made me feel bad for not doing my part of the chores because I was just so tired, he was amazing (and still is!). There were some days where I would get halfway through cleaning the kitchen and end up taking a 2 hour nap. It is amazing how exhausting it is in the beginning.
Clean all the toilets really, really well. Keep some tissues right on the back, with some mouthwash and a towel folded up (it's nice and soft on the knees when you are bent over on hard tile floors). Hopefully she doesn't get morning sickness horribly bad!!
Basically just try and help her out where you can. The nausea blows - thankfully I didn't have it nearly as bad and it went away around 10 weeks...but I had all day nausea, which is just as bad. I found a few foods that I could eat....but not eating does make the nausea worse. It's a vicious cycle!!!
Some things that helped me and my nausea....sour jolly ranchers (green apple most specifically & blue raspberry), eating ginger snaps before getting out of bed, instead of crackers. Pure ginger or ginger tea can also help a lot. There is something called B-Natals, they are a b6 sucker...those helped a TON!!! For the really bad days, half of a unisom (which is a sleep aid, so half is PLENTY during the day) really helps. It's marketed as a sleep aid but its also great at handling nausea - they recommend that and b6 for women who are suffering with hyperemesis (extreme morning sickness). Really really sour lemonade - I got those crystal light mix-ins and would put an entire one in about 10 oz of water. The sour stuff REALLY worked for me because your body can't process nausea & sour at the same time, and since sour is stronger, it wins out. In fact, some days I would eat sour gummy worms (simple carb, breaks down fast) to take the edge off the nausea and eat whatever I felt like eating. There is also a drink by Minute Maid called "Cherry Limeade" (no..not like sonic...booo) that is REALLY sour and awesome!
At this stage, baby is getting everything it needs from Mom, so if she feels like eating pizza rolls, milkshake, ramen noodles,etc (all things that helped my stomach) let her know that it is okay. It also helps if she takes her prenatal at night before bed too - sometimes that makes you sicker in the morning/middle of the day. The important thing at this stage is that she eats, not really "what" she eats. If she goes a day or two without keeping ANYTHING down - be sure to check in with your ob/midwife because you can get dehydrated really easily (and chugging water = instant puking). Oh and Powerade in the "Melon" flavor is really sour too! Helps on those days where you just aren't keeping much down at all.
It's also fun to read together every week about whats going on in her body & how your baby is developing. We LOVE doing that, we read "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" - I like it because it explains lots of stuff without being judgmental and pushy or scary. We also bought a doppler (because I had just lost a baby and was completely terrified) and that was the best $90 I've spent so far (coming in a close second is my $10 body pillow). I can recommend a brand if you want, but I don't suggest trying to use it until about 10 weeks. Even then it is iffy, but it is SO awesome to hear that heart beat when you are worried. Make sure you take a picture of her & her belly every week (or every two weeks) too. I'm so glad I did that...I just looked back at my first picture I took at 6 weeks and I didn't remember what it felt like to look like that....haha. Plus it helps on those days where she just feels "fat" and not pregnant.
Basically...just try and do what you can to make her comfortable. Once I sat on the kitchen floor crying because I was so nauseous but I was starving and all I wanted was a chicken sandwich from Wendy's. And once you get out of the scary first trimester, it is so fun. It goes by so fast, so treasure every moment of it. I can't believe I am over halfway through.....as excited as I am to meet Nolan, being pregnant is so amazing and I don't want it to be over with.
Oh and be sure and tell her (which I am sure you already do) that she is beautiful and looks amazing pregnant. It's really hard to see your body changing and the scale going up, especially when you wake up one morning and you can't see your feet anymore. And ALWAYS rub her belly at night and talk to the baby (even when he/she can't hear you) and when you give her a kiss goodnight, nothing wrong with giving her belly a kiss goodnight for the baby!
Congrats on being a daddy and starting a family!!! And if you want anymore tips...just let me know. I'm bowing out on the parenting/baby tips because I don't know what the **** we are doing when it comes to that, haha. I just know how to get Nolan here. I can recommend websites/places to read things too for both you and your wife too!
ETA - I responded without reading a lot of the posts....I also second making all the appointments you can. Afino hasn't missed one yet and it makes me feel so good to have him there with me. They are so overwhelming in the beginning, its awesome to be there as a second set of ears to help absorb them all. Also, when you go in for ultrasounds, bring a DVD because a lot of places will record them for you! The place we go sells them for just $1 and will record the entire thing!
I wish I could give you more advice on ways to ease her mind.....I got pregnant with Nolan just a little while after we lost our first baby...I don't know how I survived the first trimester. The only thing I can suggest, if they offer to do an early ultrasound....try to wait until about 7 or 8 weeks. It is SO iffy in those first few weeks, one day you can see no heart beat and think it is all over and just the next day (or even literally, hours later) the heart will start flickering away. It was SO hard to wait until 7 1/2 weeks to know that everything was developing okay....but there was no doubt that our little baby was right on target. Just remind her that it is important to stay relaxed - maybe she can start a pregnancy journal to keep track of how she is feeling each day, etc. That might help pass the time to the 2nd trimester faster. My wait was agonizing, and when I hit 13 weeks, I cried because I was so relieved.
And I am well aware of the fear of h1n1 and being pregnant. It is very scary - especially for pregnant women. Just don't let her read *too* much about it and scare herself!
....and nothing dims these stars.
Last edited by caniacgirl12: 11-02-2009 at 07:53 PM.