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28th Obsequious Banter Thread: Tribute to Claude ****ing Giroux

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01-14-2010, 02:27 PM
  #1
Opus
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28th Obsequious Banter Thread: Tribute to Claude ****ing Giroux








Don't **** with Claude.



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01-14-2010, 02:35 PM
  #2
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Claude Giroux is always in control

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01-14-2010, 02:35 PM
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Claude Giroux is Wizard.

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Old
01-14-2010, 02:39 PM
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I am sending Giroux an invite to my wedding (Getting engaged this Saturday)

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01-14-2010, 02:40 PM
  #5
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Whoever posted this list is bull****.

http://www.careercast.com/jobs/conte...d#top-ten-list

Philosopher at 11? What do they ponder? How much their life sucks that they work at McDonalds?

Philosopher - "Do you want fries with that?"
D-bag customer - "Yeah nerd"
Philospher - "I hate my life and want to die. My life has no meaning but to pour deepfried fat into the mouths of the fat pigs of American culture, while they ..."
D-bag customer "Whatever ***. Can I see your Manager? You suck and I want a free McFlurry since you called me fat."
Philosopher - "I wasted my life away, I should have been a paralegal assistant at #7."

Paralegal Assistant stands up

Paralegal - "My life also sucks. A paltry salary stuck in a cube doing the labor while the attorney signs off on it and makes 5x your salary. It's unfair."

Life looks down, laughs at these people. D-bag gets free McFlurry and Chicken Nuggets.

/rant

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Old
01-14-2010, 02:42 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Lab Monkey View Post
I am sending Giroux an invite to my wedding (Getting engaged this Saturday)
My condolences.

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Old
01-14-2010, 02:42 PM
  #7
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Manbearpig

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Old
01-14-2010, 02:50 PM
  #8
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Chain Mail from co-worker, but I got a kick out of it:
-----

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

*One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose..
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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Old
01-14-2010, 02:53 PM
  #9
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I'll give you the others to a certain extent....but what?

http://www.careercast.com/jobs/conte...d#top-ten-list

Disregard the fact that #5 is historians, as a history major is not a historian...you need a graduate degree.
I just took the Math one from word of mouth. 100% of the math major graduates I know are still bartending a year plus after graduating.

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01-14-2010, 03:03 PM
  #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishSniper87 View Post
Whoever posted this list is bull****.

http://www.careercast.com/jobs/conte...d#top-ten-list

Philosopher at 11? What do they ponder? How much their life sucks that they work at McDonalds?

Philosopher - "Do you want fries with that?"
D-bag customer - "Yeah nerd"
Philospher - "I hate my life and want to die. My life has no meaning but to pour deepfried fat into the mouths of the fat pigs of American culture, while they ..."
D-bag customer "Whatever ***. Can I see your Manager? You suck and I want a free McFlurry since you called me fat."
Philosopher - "I wasted my life away, I should have been a paralegal assistant at #7."

Paralegal Assistant stands up

Paralegal - "My life also sucks. A paltry salary stuck in a cube doing the labor while the attorney signs off on it and makes 5x your salary. It's unfair."

Life looks down, laughs at these people. D-bag gets free McFlurry and Chicken Nuggets.

/rant
Fail.

http://online.wsj.com/public/resourc...Back-sort.html

At most schools, the philosophy majors outpace the business majors in terms of paychecks. Though, that isn't too impressive considering the low hanging fruit that tends to be business majors these days.

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:03 PM
  #11
CanadianFlyer88
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Originally Posted by Lab Monkey View Post
I am sending Giroux an invite to my wedding (Getting engaged this Saturday)
A little overconfident, maybe?


OT: are you the Ottawa Flyers fan that knows Nino Rizzo?

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:08 PM
  #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JLHockeyKnight View Post
Chain Mail from co-worker, but I got a kick out of it:
-----

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

*One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose..
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Brilliant.

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:13 PM
  #13
IrishSniper87
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JLHockeyKnight View Post
Chain Mail from co-worker, but I got a kick out of it:
-----

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

*One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose..
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
One of my favorite e-mails ever. I got this one myself when I was a sophomore in college, still love it now.

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:13 PM
  #14
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Fail.

http://online.wsj.com/public/resourc...Back-sort.html

At most schools, the philosophy majors outpace the business majors in terms of paychecks. Though, that isn't too impressive considering the low hanging fruit that tends to be business majors these days.
Dude, NOT FAIL.

So what if McDonalds has better benefits then Wendy's. Those people still hate their lives ...

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:20 PM
  #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishSniper87 View Post
Dude, NOT FAIL.

So what if McDonalds has better benefits then Wendy's. Those people still hate their lives ...
Well, sure. But their ranks aren't filled by Philosophy majors.

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:25 PM
  #16
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I hate Colleges. I can no longer use my email because it just get's flooded with "Hey, Come To X College." "Apply Now!."...etc. That crap is so annoying. I already made my decision and they just need to stop sending me emails.

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:26 PM
  #17
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I hate Colleges. I can no longer use my email because it just get's flooded with "Hey, Come To X College." "Apply Now!."...etc. That crap is so annoying. I already made my decision and they just need to stop sending me emails.
made a special yahoo (throwaway) email account just for crap just like that. I know the password and CAN check it, but it's always junk.

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Old
01-14-2010, 03:28 PM
  #18
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Well, sure. But their ranks aren't filled by Philosophy majors.
More or less "I had a kid in middle school" majors making the fries, "I'm too stupid to pass general classes in high school" majors flipping burgers and "I'm 34 and still smoke weed like a 10th grader" major taking orders.

Of course all are bossed around by a guy with an Associates degree from your local community college (located between a laundromat and nail salon).

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Old
01-14-2010, 04:12 PM
  #19
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One of my favorite e-mails ever. I got this one myself when I was a sophomore in college, still love it now.
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

Ironically, this urban legend started in 1920....

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Old
01-14-2010, 04:49 PM
  #20
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Someone please tell me how this is not a suspension.


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Old
01-14-2010, 05:02 PM
  #21
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I just took the Math one from word of mouth. 100% of the math major graduates I know are still bartending a year plus after graduating.
Applied mathematics is everywhere. Actuary? Math. Computer Science? Math. Statistics? Math. One of the primary problems that led to the current financial meltdown on WS? A lot of the people involved in those complex trading schemes didn't know enough math to actually make sense of the crap they were looking at. If you want to get into finance (especially trading) mathematics is a very smart degree.

The thing about many degrees you get is that you need to take it and apply it to whatever it is you're planning on doing it. So, in that sense history is a great major for any number of professions you may want to pursue (journalist leaps immediately to mind, but journalists benefit from a number of liberal arts degrees).

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01-14-2010, 05:06 PM
  #22
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Someone please tell me how this is not a suspension.

He's a Penguin...is it definitely not a suspension?

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01-14-2010, 05:12 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by IrishSniper87 View Post
Whoever posted this list is bull****.

http://www.careercast.com/jobs/conte...d#top-ten-list

Philosopher at 11? What do they ponder? How much their life sucks that they work at McDonalds?

Philosopher - "Do you want fries with that?"
D-bag customer - "Yeah nerd"
Philospher - "I hate my life and want to die. My life has no meaning but to pour deepfried fat into the mouths of the fat pigs of American culture, while they ..."
D-bag customer "Whatever ***. Can I see your Manager? You suck and I want a free McFlurry since you called me fat."
Philosopher - "I wasted my life away, I should have been a paralegal assistant at #7."

...

/rant
You realize the problem with your rant, right? For that list, the philosopher is employed as a philosopher. It's not getting a philosophy degree (though, that is likely a necessary requirement). They're not working at McDs...thus why being a philosopher is their job (and apparently a good one by the scoring system they used).

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01-14-2010, 05:19 PM
  #24
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Someone please tell me how this is not a suspension.
Well, have you seen Down Goes Brown's chart...

But, seriously, if you made a list of all the things that should be looked at in terms of what is dirty enough for a suspension that hit would check off nearly every box.

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Old
01-14-2010, 05:42 PM
  #25
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Someone please tell me how this is not a suspension.

Cause he's on my Fantasy Team

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