The real reason that Canada won the gold medal is that the players were on drugs. At least according to Pravda.
"Doesn't it feel great to slam the door behind you as you walk out, stick up the middle finger using the palm of the left hand on the upper right forearm for extra leverage and blow a giant raspberry? That is exactly how it feels as Russia leaves Vancouver after disappointing Games with a question: was the Canadian ice hockey team on drugs?"
"The middle finger and the giant raspberry go to the Canadian ice hockey team. Were they on drugs the day they beat Russia so overwhelmingly? These days, and since the USSR's 8-1 thrashing of Canada in the early 80s, Canada-Russia ice hockey games are always very closely fought events and there has not been such a monumental difference between the two sides. Very strange, the more so since the same Team Canada (whatever the hell that is supposed to mean) put in an extremely lacklustre performance against lowly Slovakia and was lucky to reach Sunday's final. And for anyone who is about to be shocked by the question, one supposes it is OK to make cheap and gratuitous references to Russians and doping, but when the ball rolls back home it hurts. Right?"
I seem to recall that the Slovaks beat Russia 2-1 with Pavol Demitra scoring the winner in the seventh round of the shootout.
I suppose the drug allegations are in response to the public spanking Jacques Rogge gave the Russians before the Games opened at a press conference?
International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge has spoken to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev about his country's repeated doping violations in cross-country skiing and biathlon and says enforcement of the rules is now in the hands of the World Anti-Doping Agency.
The suspicions surrounding the Russians, who have had eight biathletes and cross-country skiers banned for doping since the end of the 2009 World Cup season, were raised repeatedly during Rogge's media conference Monday in Vancouver.
Rogge replied by saying the IOC has pushed all the buttons it can ahead of the Vancouver Olympics, and that WADA is watching.
"I was puzzled by the numbers, yes indeed," Rogge said. "I was concerned. Otherwise, I wouldn't have spoken to the president of the republic.
"This is an expression of concern. The relationship between the Russian sports authorities and the Russian national authorities in the field of doping are in the hands of WADA.
"We add our symbolic voice and our preoccupation and insist this should be done. But this is clearly something to be dealt with by the World Anti-Doping Agency."
"I insisted on the need to have a strong action on doping," said Rogge. "He promised that he would launch that and he was very explicit also in public declarations after that. So I say, yes, we have alerted the Russian authorities and we expect them to comply."