"KB: As a fan, who's the most frustrating King to watch on a regular basis?
Bobby Scribe: Randy Jones, though I am not sure I consider him a King. He's like the insurance salesman who lives down the street and crashed our party and now won't go home. I'm seriously considering calling the cops."
"In a year that has been so improbable, the impossible has happened." - Vin Scully being clairvoyant in 1988.
The Los Angeles Kings - 2012 Stanley Cup Champions
We went over our word count.... so here's some of the stuff that didn't make the cut:
The Kings haven’t been to the postseason in eight years, so first off – are you familiar with how the playoffs work? Would you like us to explain?
Bobby Scribe: We’ve picked up a few books on the subject. (1) Ken Holland’s “How to sell your soul to the Devil for success” with a forward from Lou Lamoriello, (2) “Mein Kampf up my Arse” by Phoenix Coyotes owner, Gary Bettman and (3) “How to underachieve but pretend otherwise” by the Canucks’ Aquilini, Beedie, Gaglardi & McCaw (not a British Columbia partnership). The last one is a 30 page color pop up book.
Surly Jacob: Has it been that long? I hadn't noticed. In fact, I'm not sure I even remember the last Kings' playoff series. Unfortunately for myself and many others, only a year prior we were rudely introduced to Sweden's cruelest joke to world in the Sedins. Ever since gazing into those lifeless glassy blue eyes surrounded by the misshapen pomegranate they call a face, I've been partially blind. Only recently has my vision slowly returned, just in time to watch a prideful group of Canadians try their best to convince themselves a gold medal makes up for getting thumped in the playoffs.
I thought I saw Celine Dione at a game once, but it turns out it was a hot day and a large Kings' fan had gas.
How jacked are Kings fans about this team? Have there been many sellouts this season? What kind of reaction are you expecting for the playoffs?
Surly Jacob: One thing that often get assumed by fans of teams in bigger hockey markets is that because their contingency of hockey lovers is larger, their fans are therefore equally more devoted. Canucks fans will quickly learn that this is a misconception.
We fans of the crown have been waiting a long time for this and are jacked up higher than a midget trying to tea bag Zdeno Chara. Not only will the diehards be out in full force, Los Angeles' abnormally high amount of bandwagon jumpers will crawl out of the woodwork. These folk will be just as hyped and nearly as loud, though not so much for love of the Kings' as because of the sweeping plague of inferiority complexes that has decimated this cities ability to hold its focus.
What should Vancouver’s biggest concern be for this series?
Surly Jacob: You mean besides Darcy Hordichuk getting half the team beaten to within an inch of their life for yelling the wrong thing in the wrong part of Los Angeles?
The Smyth-Kopitar-Williams line igniting again. I am tempted to say Doughty, as he certainly is capable of dominating a game, but the Los Angeles Kings are not a one-man show (*cough* Henrik *cough*). Nor are the Kings' a one-line team, but they are a team that relies heavily on momentum. The Smyth-Kopitar-Williams line, when they are playing as they did early in the season, provide momentum up the ying-yang. They've been more up and down lately than a manic-depressive meth addict, but Justin Williams looks like he is finally getting his legs back. Many of my fellow fans will disagree with me on this, and I implore Vancouver fans to watch closely themselves and form their own opinions, that Justin Williams is the cog that turns the wheel on the Kings' top line. Kopitar is the projectile, Smyth is the combustion engine and Williams is that little piece of metal that makes it all work as a unit, even though it is so small it gets easily lost on the carpet and makes you step on your dog’s tail. You would feel sorry for the dog if the little loser didn't get beat out for that role in Snow Dogs. I know I mixed my metaphors, but your readers would be well served to learn how to properly speak English before correcting mine.
While you are much more likely to notice Kopitar firing a canon to the top corner or Smyth making Luongo uncomfortably familiar with his digestive habits, Williams will be the one doing the grunt work at the blues line and along the boards. Williams looks like a very sloppy player, and quite frankly he is, but the man makes little plays in tight spaces that open up space for and break out his linemates with speed.
If this line gets hot again, it won't matter how badly Luongo inevitably crumbles under the pressure and Henrik Sedin will look like just another candidate for facial reconstructive surgery.