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The type of players you see at the rink(or with your team)

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08-22-2010, 08:02 PM
  #1
Pierre Gotye
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The type of players you see at the rink(or with your team)

I got to thinking lately, that even though I have played on two handfuls of teams, most teams and drop-ins tend to pick up the same personalities, among them here they are:

-The over-ager. He's been playing forever, maybe quit and picked it back up again, a shade of what he used to be.

-The Light-switch. A light-switch is a ringer who hides among the team. A lot of times he holds back, and only plays when his team desperately needs a goal. He's holding back so he doesn't stand out and has to get moved up to the next level.

-The fat-guy. Not all fat-guys are bad, some are decent skaters and have good skills with the puck, but they are still fat and stand out.

-The leg-rubber. I can't stand it when I am in a game or playing drop-in and some guy wants to cozy up next to you and seems to insist on either crowding you out and putting his leg right against yours now matter how many times you move over or slide down the bench.

-The Picker. We've seen these guys, they play a 25 foot game and that's it.

-The selfish one. The guy who always shoots, never passes, and always insists that the scorekeeper make sure he got his number on the assist.

-The quiet guy. Quiet guy doesn't talk much, self-explanatory.

-The I know everything about Hockey guy. The I know everything about hockey guy knows everything, about where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to do. Except, typically he never does it himself.

-The always off-sides guy. These guy's don't understand the concept of the blueline.

-The Hacker. The hacker is careless with his stick. Watch out for him.

-The New guy. The new guy typically plays above his level, and, it's obvious.

-The Voice-over. The voice-over loves to yell at the refs and the players.

-Stinky goalie: One on every team.

-The late guy. Every team has one. He shows up right before the team is ready to hit the ice, or in some instances misses an entire period or two. Being prompt or courteous to his team is something he never learned.

-The *****er. The *****er doesn't do anything really, except whine to the refs about every minuscule tap or imaginary off-sides that never really occurred. They tend to be the most embarassing of the bunch, and usually don't contribute much.

-The Yapper. Every team has one. Some guy on the bench who loves to chat with his team-mate. Typically, he distracts his team-mates and himself so much that he misses his shift or forces his team-mates to miss his.


Last edited by Pierre Gotye: 08-22-2010 at 08:09 PM.
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08-22-2010, 08:55 PM
  #2
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Very well done. I see a lot of old guys and yappers lately.

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08-22-2010, 08:59 PM
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Jimmy Carter
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Most on your list are described as a negative... have you ever had any teammates you liked? lol

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08-22-2010, 10:14 PM
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Cattman
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nice write up!!

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08-22-2010, 11:33 PM
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kirsi
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when i watch teams, i see a lot of fat guys.

there always seems to be a girl on teams.

one day, i hope to be that girl...

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08-23-2010, 01:33 AM
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you might be not glad if it come true.

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08-23-2010, 06:02 AM
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Pierre Gotye
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJimmyCarterC View Post
Most on your list are described as a negative... have you ever had any teammates you liked? lol
Not meant to be negative.

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08-23-2010, 07:13 AM
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kirsi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goord View Post
you might be not glad if it come true.
why's that? i want to play in the league...

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08-23-2010, 08:30 AM
  #9
jacko23
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with the exception of the guy who just shuts up and does his job, you named pretty much every personality on the ice. enjoyed the read though

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08-23-2010, 09:52 AM
  #10
Jarick
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Haha, the leg rubber.

I'm the selfish one for sure.

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08-23-2010, 10:17 AM
  #11
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I guess I'm the fat guy and the quiet guy... but there's not many people to talk to when you're a goalie and standing alone most of the game.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brentbreakaway23 View Post
-Stinky goalie: One on every team.
There's only one goalie on every team, period! (Well, two on "real" teams, I suppose...)

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08-23-2010, 10:30 AM
  #12
vivianmb
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most teams i ever played on, those guys were all told to leave. what kind of team would accept most of those guys?
heres a description of my team.
the wizard.a guy can stickhandle around teams at will and usually does.
the grinder. guy who will take multiple punishment to screen goalies or protect his own goalie's crease and loves the corners.....(we have LOTS of those guys)
the rifleman or sniper.this guy scores almost every time he shoots.(we have one of these guys )
the effort guy. he never stops hustling ...especially if he gives up the puck.(team has more than our fair share of this guy)
the tough guy...if and when one of the old echl guys on another team (our league has a few ex pros)wants to act tough , this guy will call him on it...and never backs down.(we have 2 of these guys, and its fun to watch them go about their business)
the passer. ever get that perfect pass on the tape? we have a bunch of great passers on our defence. our breakout is quick and deadly.
the BEER DRINKER. my whole team likes beer and hockey. enough said.


Last edited by vivianmb: 08-23-2010 at 10:37 AM.
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08-23-2010, 06:50 PM
  #13
Pierre Gotye
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jarick View Post
Haha, the leg rubber.

I'm the selfish one for sure.
Yeah the leg rubber. I always seem to play with one of those dudes. I know we're sitting next to each other, but there really isn't a need to put your nasty body, hip and legs right up against mine. I can't stand that, it boils my blood.

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08-23-2010, 07:23 PM
  #14
Dump and Chase
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brentbreakaway23 View Post
Yeah the leg rubber. I always seem to play with one of those dudes. I know we're sitting next to each other, but there really isn't a need to put your nasty body, hip and legs right up against mine. I can't stand that, it boils my blood.

lol You are both covered in 20 lbs worth of armor. Don't be such a homophobe

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08-23-2010, 07:44 PM
  #15
takumi111
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http://www.hockeytoronto.com/index.cfm?cat=23

The Naked Guy - Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it.or come face to face with the swinging sausage.

The Young Guy - At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.

The Organizer - This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault' and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.

The Stanley Cup Champion - This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behaviour in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.

The Beginner - Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.

The Gary Roberts - Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.

CORPORATE GUY - At first glance just a regular family guy, married with 3 kids, a cush corporate job and fancy car. Once he enters the locker room its Party time & latest tales of bangin' broads and the good times. Pregame beer and smoke, outrageous stories of hookers from last weekend in Vegas, to the point everyone is crying with laughter. This guy is Reg Dunlop (Slapshot) meets Chris Farley, raw-raw, kick their ass, run-up the score, the ref-beats-his-wife, non stop chatter on the bench. Has above average talent and knows it, but is more focused on making sure his teammates show up and enjoy themselves at the post game festivities at the Brass Pole Ballet, always carries an extra set of clothes in his trunk!

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Old
08-23-2010, 11:18 PM
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"Game 7"

The guy who means business when almost everyone else is out for fun. Could also be interchanged with the hustler.

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08-23-2010, 11:28 PM
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I guess I would be... "the *****"

Go up to the rink for pickup, see my buddy who's team is playing in the next rink over, hop on that team, see my college teammate who's playing in the game after that, hop on that team. Then the next week I'm playing against these teams after I hopped on some other teams.

Good way to get a few free hours of ice time!!!

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Old
08-24-2010, 03:01 AM
  #18
dabeechman
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I thought only my team had the guy who was always offside. He is the only guy who wouldn't surprise me if he put himself off side on a breakaway.

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08-24-2010, 09:12 AM
  #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dump and Chase View Post
lol You are both covered in 20 lbs worth of armor. Don't be such a homophobe
The 20 pounds isn't all on your legs, and it sounds more like he doesn't want the smell and sweat from another grown man rubbing onto him which sounds perfectly normal. Unless you're good friends or something there is no reason to be attached to the person next to you.

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08-24-2010, 09:14 AM
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WickedWrister
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The guy who thinks he is better than he really is and tells the best player on your team to play better even though the guy has no room to be talking.

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08-24-2010, 10:00 AM
  #21
Jimmy Carter
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What about the one guy everyone rags on in the locker room (not because of his play, just for being him. Done all in good fun)? In our locker room, anytime you do something stupid, it's called "a Bryan". Including when Bryan does something stupid (on or off the ice).

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08-24-2010, 10:53 AM
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Blueland89
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dump and Chase View Post
lol You are both covered in 20 lbs worth of armor. Don't be such a homophobe
That his preference, I don't want guys rubbing there legs on me i don't car how many pads we have just wrong.

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08-24-2010, 10:55 AM
  #23
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The Black Knight - The old guy who used to be awesome, but has slowed down on a couple bad knees. He still insists on playing at a high level, so instead of skating he hooks, crosschecks, slashes, trips, and constantly accuses everyone of trying to run him. If he falls near you, you can hear the sound of a hip breaking. Better run though, or he'll bite your legs off!

Hope you all get the reference...

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Old
08-24-2010, 01:02 PM
  #24
madmutter
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Good list OP. Made me think or this list I've seen around, it had a bunch of others that were already posted by takumi. I'm going to add:

The Bench Borrower

Yeah I guess he must be used to being babysat by someone on his team bringing bottles, but this is pickup and that's mine. Oh and thanks for wiping your sweat and snot on my towel, I bet it works great as antifog.


http://pickuphockeygame.com/page/?p=393

The Ringer

Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad team. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It’s simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the ‘DD’ Division title.

The Old Guy

Forget the 50-and-over league; that’s not for him…even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he’s a wily old guy — a hook here and a chop there, because that’s how they did it when professional athletes were real men. ‘Eddie Shore — now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift.’

The Tardy Goalie

Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, ********.

The Complete Psycho

Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop — all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn’t want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.

The Guy with the New Girlfriend

An excellent way to lower everyone else’s fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else’s and it’s not like you’ll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife; at which point he’ll never miss another game.

The Minor Hockey Allstar

Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes you’ll get the picture. This guy topped out at ‘AA’ Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey ******** I’ve been open for the past 5 minutes), then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.

The Johnny Try Hard

Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the ‘Running Room’. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.

The Tough Guy

This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behavior on the ice. In extreme cases he will ‘cheap shot’ another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.

The Wrong Guy

Not to be confused with ‘The Complete Psycho’. This guy shows up, doesn’t say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 PIMS in the East Coast League 3 years ago.

The Gear Guy

More money than brains. This guy is a mediocre player who compensates for poor skating and a crappy slapshot by always having the latest, hottest gear. Watching him suit up is like flipping through the Hockey News equipment reviews issue. He starts by stuffing his chubby frame into skin tight UnderArmour, followed by massive, ultralight pads. He shows up with shiny new blades every year, claiming that the last pair “just never felt right” and boasting that he feels faster because his new skates only weigh 17 nanograms. A couple of weeks after Ovechkin sports a yellor visor, the dude shows up with one. Best of all are the sticks. While everybody else does just fine with bargain rack specials this guy hauls out a Warrior Kronik before anyone has even heard of it. He sucks, but he’s handy to have around because he carries an extra elbow pad and a spare pair of gloves in his bag.

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Old
08-25-2010, 02:46 PM
  #25
Joe Cole
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The "wrap around" Defenseman

- the guy who chases a puck into a corner, and without ever lifting his head to see that he has no opponent near him, so no need to hurry, yet still slap shots it around the boards thinking this is a pass to his winger, instead it is just a turn over, because the winger is covering the middle area of his coverage zone.

I hate that guy.

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