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Old
12-13-2005, 10:45 PM
  #1
Barbara Underhill
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Really OT: Chuck Norris

Thought you guys could use a laugh. It helps me after the Rangers lose so here it is.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

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12-13-2005, 10:59 PM
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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

It's a rather new phenomenon thats going around on away message's due to this pretty funny site filled with "random" Chuck Norris facts.

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Old
12-13-2005, 11:04 PM
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Mr. T and Vin Diesel have there own random facts generators as well,
Vin Diesel has two speeds, Walk And Kill.

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12-13-2005, 11:06 PM
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Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his spare time, and by knit I mean kick and by sweaters I mean babies.

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12-13-2005, 11:35 PM
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That is hysterical...
"It is written that one day Chuck Norris will team up with Mr.T and Hulk Hogan. They will patrol the land roundhouse kicking, leg dropping and pitying every fool in sight. This is known as the Apocolypse."

I was cracking up, thanks for sharing that thing.

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Old
12-14-2005, 04:35 AM
  #6
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These things have been going around strongly as of late.

My favorite is:

Chuck Norris has filed suit against NBC due to the name of their show being Law and Order... as those are the names of Chuck's left and right legs.

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Old
12-14-2005, 05:51 AM
  #7
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

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Old
12-14-2005, 08:55 AM
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If Chuck Norris's right leg is Christmas... And his left leg is New Years... Chuck Norris wants you to visit him BETWEEN the holiday!

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Old
12-14-2005, 11:21 AM
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If you re-arrange the letters in Vin Diesel, it will reveal his credo which is: I end lives
the apocolypse one is my favorite so far lol

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Old
12-14-2005, 11:41 AM
  #10
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"A man once laughed at Chuck Norris' beard. He promptly roundhouse kicked him, then continuously stomped him into the ground. Hence, the Grand Canyon."

I could laugh at these all day.

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Old
12-14-2005, 12:05 PM
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chuck norris once ate three 72 ounce steaks in an hour...he spent 45 minutes having sex with the waitress

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Old
12-14-2005, 12:22 PM
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18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. the devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

5. the original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck
Norris—more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris—robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

http://www.grandinite.com/2005/11/27...k-norris-facts

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Old
12-14-2005, 02:13 PM
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Hey guys did they tell everyone in the country about these jokes on national news or something. Everyone around the country is in a Chuck Norris joke telling craze. Where the hell did it come from?

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Old
12-14-2005, 03:00 PM
  #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VIL8BUBBLE
5. the original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck
Norris—more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris—robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

http://www.grandinite.com/2005/11/27...k-norris-facts
That one is the best so far...

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Old
12-14-2005, 05:07 PM
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After watching the Karate Kid, Chuck Norris challenged Mr. Miyagi to a Fight 'Til The Death. When Miyagi declined because "karate is not used to harm others," Chuck gave him a roundhouse kick to the temple, smashed the picture of his dead wife to prove a point and replied, "It is now, *****."

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a single-celled organism for not having the mental capcity to understand his greatness. He inadvertantly created evolution.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris invented the beard. He receives several million dollars in annual royalties from Santa Claus, Jesus, Richard Dreyfuss, and Chewbacca.

Chuck Norris occasionally has Missing In Action flashbacks where he's escaping a Vietnam Prison and randomly starts killing Asians with his bare fist because thats the way Chuck rolls. You'll know when it's coming because Asians start flying through the air with random explosions, horrible subtitles will scroll your line of vision, and Chuck will run and hide in your mom's garden, finally stealing your Kia Sportage screaming, "Get in the Chopper" and lines like, "I'm Proud to be a *********g American" after kicking your little sister in the face.

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Old
12-14-2005, 05:17 PM
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway

my personal favorite: Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

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Old
12-14-2005, 05:26 PM
  #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynical TyranT
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a single-celled organism for not having the mental capcity to understand his greatness. He inadvertantly created evolution.
Oh man!!!

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Old
12-14-2005, 05:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by g52
Hey guys did they tell everyone in the country about these jokes on national news or something. Everyone around the country is in a Chuck Norris joke telling craze. Where the hell did it come from?
I believe it's a spinoff of sorts to the Vin Diesel fact generator, which made rounds on the internet not too long ago. A product of sheer ridiculousness. I would think Conan O'Briens Walker Texas Ranger Lever had something to do with inspiring this too.

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Old
12-14-2005, 08:31 PM
  #19
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haha here are some of my faves:

Quote:
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Quote:
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
“beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of
Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck
omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick
related deaths.
Quote:
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
“Bang!”
Quote:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Quote:
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning?
It was more “humane”.

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Old
12-14-2005, 10:39 PM
  #20
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Chuck Norris takes a baseball bat into the can with him in case he craps out a wildcat and has to beat it to death.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Chuck Norris received gonorrea but couldn't tell because he pees razors everyday.

Time for Vin
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. **** you, team.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Mr T. Time
Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.

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Old
12-14-2005, 11:44 PM
  #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToeDragFan
Thought you guys could use a laugh. It helps me after the Rangers lose so here it is.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Here's the deal I don't understand why when people make a joke they can't just leave it alone they either have to explain it, repeat it, or say how funny it was. That completely kills the joke. Seriously jokes are supposed to be subtle (I don't mean slapstick I mean jokes). And yes I do realize that the two years and five months thing is a joke in itself, it's still weak and you were better off just leaving the ironic part, the fact that you explained how funny it was you killed it completely. Sorry one of my many Pet Peeves.

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Old
12-15-2005, 12:14 AM
  #22
Barbara Underhill
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYRGoalieGlut
Here's the deal I don't understand why when people make a joke they can't just leave it alone they either have to explain it, repeat it, or say how funny it was. That completely kills the joke. Seriously jokes are supposed to be subtle (I don't mean slapstick I mean jokes). And yes I do realize that the two years and five months thing is a joke in itself, it's still weak and you were better off just leaving the ironic part, the fact that you explained how funny it was you killed it completely. Sorry one of my many Pet Peeves.
Not my joke, its a random fact generator, maybe you could take out your pet peeve on it. The link is www.4q.cc/chuck/ nowhere in my post did i explain how funny i was nor did i take credit for the joke, read all the posts several people explained what started this craze.

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Old
12-15-2005, 12:47 AM
  #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToeDragFan
Not my joke, its a random fact generator, maybe you could take out your pet peeve on it. The link is www.4q.cc/chuck/ nowhere in my post did i explain how funny i was nor did i take credit for the joke, read all the posts several people explained what started this craze.
I'm not saying that YOU explained it. I realize that it was part of the joke and the person that made up that joke, doesn't matter if it was you or whoever, killed the joke. If the entire premise was how dumb he was it was just a bad joke. If at least part of the premise was the irony then the dumb thing should've been taken out because it's weak and it kills the irony.

P.S. Actually it's probably more that the guy said that it was funny rather than why it was funny.

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Old
12-15-2005, 09:24 AM
  #24
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Meh

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