HFBoards

Go Back   HFBoards > NHL Western Conference > Pacific Division > Edmonton Oilers
Mobile Hockey's Future Become a Sponsor Site Rules Support Forum vBookie Page 2
Notices

Application for Employment: Oilers Defenceman

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old
11-10-2003, 11:07 AM
  #1
Hemmer
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Ethan Moreau for MVP! NOW! VOTE!
Posts: 675
vCash: 500
Application for Employment: Oilers Defenceman

Hi there! Glad you stopped in to fill out an application to play defence for the storied Oilers franchise. You know, back in 1985, we had guys that played for their teammates, and for the love of the game. I played with a broken wrist once even. We've won 5 cups, and have 4 jerseys in our rafters and...

But, I digress...

1. What does the phrase "Off the glass and out" mean to you?

2. Would you consider yourself positionally sound?

3. Do you have ANY offensive capability to speak of? Note: If the answer is yes, please tear up this application and leave immediately. This means you.

4. On a scale of 1-5, rate your footspeed, with 1 being slower than evolution, and 5 being Cory Cross.

5. In a battle in front of the net, do you:
a) Tie up your man with whatever appendage is available
b) Check his stick to ensure he can't get away the shot
c) Both a and b
d) Play goaltender
e) Spin really really fast.

6. When an opposing player is coming at you down your wall with speed, do you:
a) Glare menacingly
b) Implant him into the third row with your shoulder
c) Grab on and hug with both arms, creating a fun sledding effect
d) Get out of his way

7. How many people should be allowed in the goalie crease at any given time?
a) one, your goalie
b) two, you and your goalie
c) As many as you can fit
d) Anyone but Tommy Salo

8. Do you have pictures of MacT and his dog? Note: If the answer is yes, please go down the hall and see either Mr. Cleary or Mr. Horcoff to complete your interview

9. What, in your opinion, is a breakout pass?
a) A confident, quick, sure pass out of the defensive zone to a streaking winger or center
b) A pass that causes its recipient to establish a large colony of acne
c) Making the puck go UP. Wayyyy up. See the rooster?
d) Not too sure. Never made one.

10. Who was the best ever Oilers defenceman?
a) Kevin Lowe
b) Paul Coffey
c) Moe Mantha
d) Donald Dufresne

Thanks for filling out this application. You will be notified shortly of our decision.

Sincerely,
The Oilers.

Hemmer is offline  
Old
11-10-2003, 11:10 AM
  #2
Hemmer
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Ethan Moreau for MVP! NOW! VOTE!
Posts: 675
vCash: 500
Scott Ferguson's Answers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
Hi there! Glad you stopped in to fill out an application to play defence for the storied Oilers franchise. You know, back in 1985, we had guys that played for their teammates, and for the love of the game. I played with a broken wrist once even. We've won 5 cups, and have 4 jerseys in our rafters and...

But, I digress...

1. What does the phrase "Off the glass and out" mean to you?

2. Would you consider yourself positionally sound?

3. Do you have ANY offensive capability to speak of? Note: If the answer is yes, please tear up this application and leave immediately. This means you.

4. On a scale of 1-5, rate your footspeed, with 1 being slower than evolution, and 5 being Cory Cross.

5. In a battle in front of the net, do you:
a) Tie up your man with whatever appendage is available
b) Check his stick to ensure he can't get away the shot
c) Both a and b
d) Play goaltender
e) Spin really really fast.

6. When an opposing player is coming at you down your wall with speed, do you:
a) Glare menacingly
b) Implant him into the third row with your shoulder
c) Grab on and hug with both arms, creating a fun sledding effect
d) Get out of his way

7. How many people should be allowed in the goalie crease at any given time?
a) one, your goalie
b) two, you and your goalie
c) As many as you can fit
d) Anyone but Tommy Salo

8. Do you have pictures of MacT and his dog? Note: If the answer is yes, please go down the hall and see either Mr. Cleary or Mr. Horcoff to complete your interview

9. What, in your opinion, is a breakout pass?
a) A confident, quick, sure pass out of the defensive zone to a streaking winger or center
b) A pass that causes its recipient to establish a large colony of acne
c) Making the puck go UP. Wayyyy up. See the rooster?
d) Not too sure. Never made one.

10. Who was the best ever Oilers defenceman?
a) Kevin Lowe
b) Paul Coffey
c) Moe Mantha
d) Donald Dufresne

Thanks for filling out this application. You will be notified shortly of our decision.

Sincerely,
The Oilers.

Scott Ferguson's answers:

1. My one responsibility in life
2. Yes
3. None whatsoever
4. 2
5. D
6. C
7. B
8. I DO!!!
9. D
10. Moe. No contest.

Hemmer is offline  
Old
11-10-2003, 11:13 AM
  #3
Cerebral
Registered User
 
Cerebral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Country: Canada
Posts: 21,697
vCash: 500
Heh very good post! I especially liked the Friendly Giant reference..

Cerebral is offline  
Old
11-10-2003, 11:17 AM
  #4
H-Bear
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North Bay ON
Country: Canada
Posts: 1,503
vCash: 500
Applicant Name: Matt Brunton
Age: 22
  1. Я не говорю английскую язык (that's "I don't speak English" in Russian).
  2. No.
  3. I have 0 goals, 0 assists, and I am a -4 for my intramural team this year. So NO.
  4. I rate myself a 4.
  5. a)
  6. a) and c)
  7. c) ... they can't score if the crease is packed.
  8. No, but I would still like to meet those fine players.
  9. b)
  10. a) ... butt kissing of course.
Do I get the job?

H-Bear is offline  
Old
11-10-2003, 11:25 AM
  #5
LoudmouthHemskyfan#1
Registered User
 
LoudmouthHemskyfan#1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: E-town
Country: Canada
Posts: 9,645
vCash: 500
Dang, even my NHL offensive potential apparently means I can't play for the Oil...............(walks away slowly with head down).

LoudmouthHemskyfan#1 is offline  
Old
11-10-2003, 11:40 AM
  #6
copperandblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 10,724
vCash: 500
I am very excited about applying for the defenceman position for the Edmonton Oilers. I have carefully answered all questions asked and look forward to a personal interview.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
1. What does the phrase "Off the glass and out" mean to you?
It is when the quarter bounces off the table, hits the edge of the glass but stays out of da beer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
2. Would you consider yourself positionally sound?
My wife thinks so. Good positional play can make up for many short coming's... err I mean it can make up for lack of endurance.... ummm yes good positionally.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
3. Do you have ANY offensive capability to speak of? Note: If the answer is yes, please tear up this application and leave immediately. This means you.
I once told off Pat Falloon when I saw him in the bar. I think he was a little offended at that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
4. On a scale of 1-5, rate your footspeed, with 1 being slower than evolution, and 5 being Cory Cross.
I rarely use foot speed. I prefer to drive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
5. In a battle in front of the net, do you:
a) Tie up your man with whatever appendage is available
b) Check his stick to ensure he can't get away the shot
c) Both a and b
d) Play goaltender
e) Spin really really fast.
My favourite move is to stand still and wave at my mom and dad in the stands. It confuses the oposition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
6. When an opposing player is coming at you down your wall with speed, do you:
a) Glare menacingly
b) Implant him into the third row with your shoulder
c) Grab on and hug with both arms, creating a fun sledding effect
d) Get out of his way
See answer to number 5


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
7. How many people should be allowed in the goalie crease at any given time?
a) one, your goalie
b) two, you and your goalie
c) As many as you can fit
d) Anyone but Tommy Salo
The goalie is the guy with the funny equipment and wears the same coloured jersey right? Yeah, with my game play I rarely spend much time near him so I would have to say 1? no wait, as many as you can fit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
8. Do you have pictures of MacT and his dog? Note: If the answer is yes, please go down the hall and see either Mr. Cleary or Mr. Horcoff to complete your interview
I did have one, but I traded it for 2 8x10's of Karen Percy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
9. What, in your opinion, is a breakout pass?
a) A confident, quick, sure pass out of the defensive zone to a streaking winger or center
b) A pass that causes its recipient to establish a large colony of acne
c) Making the puck go UP. Wayyyy up. See the rooster?
d) Not too sure. Never made one.
A break out pass is like the move Steve Smith used in game seven of the Edmonton Calgary series when he tried to ..... oh wait , uh yeah break out pass, I don't believe in them. Off the glass and out, off - the - glass - and - out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemmer
10. Who was the best ever Oilers defenceman?
a) Kevin Lowe
b) Paul Coffey
c) Moe Mantha
d) Donald Dufresne
Actually it's Steve Smith, I really like a go to guy that can score at critical points in the game.

copperandblue is offline  
Old
11-10-2003, 11:47 AM
  #7
Hemmer
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Ethan Moreau for MVP! NOW! VOTE!
Posts: 675
vCash: 500
Quote:
Originally Posted by copperandblue
..... oh wait , uh yeah break out pass, I don't believe in them. Off the glass and out, off - the - glass - and - out.


Repeat after me, my little drones. Off-the-glass-and-out. Off-the-glass-and-out. Off-the-glass-and-out.

Kinda puts you to sleep doesn't it? It's nice.

Hemmer is offline  
Closed Thread

Forum Jump


Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:43 AM.

monitoring_string = "e4251c93e2ba248d29da988d93bf5144"
Contact Us - HFBoards - Archive - Privacy Statement - Terms of Use - Advertise - Top - AdChoices

vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
HFBoards.com is a property of CraveOnline Media, LLC, an Evolve Media, LLC company. ©2014 All Rights Reserved.