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Lady Advice Part 23

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Old
04-08-2012, 10:31 PM
  #526
Beauner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 27Niedermayer View Post
That sounds horrible.

Why would anyone want that?
you don't

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Old
04-08-2012, 10:39 PM
  #527
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Originally Posted by 27Niedermayer View Post
That sounds horrible.

Why would anyone want that?
No one wants that.

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Old
04-08-2012, 11:18 PM
  #528
Le Tricolore
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So this friend-zone talk reminded me of this: http://www.laddertheory.com/

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04-08-2012, 11:22 PM
  #529
Dubi Doo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huge for Nuge View Post
Friend-zone = cant get over a girl who you're in to
You're half right.

If I'm hanging out with a girl, then I'm obviously attracted to her. That doesn't mean she doesn't have some interest.

I had a girl at work I was friends with a few summers back. We would chill and talk at work all the time. Always flirting a bit. She had a boyrfriend during our first summer working together. Long story short, I eventually got it 'in' with her. She still had a boyfriend when we did. I felt like an ass, and she did, too. We had to stop talking to eachother after that, because her relationship was in jeopardy(it was a serious one), and I told her I wasn't interested in a relationship only being single and having fun. I didn't want to play her like that just for the *****.

I just never take it to that level where I hang out with a girl outside of work or school. I keep it low key. That way I don't get too involved with her. Its a tough game to play if you fall for a girl easy, but if you can keep control, then there are benefits.

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04-08-2012, 11:39 PM
  #530
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Originally Posted by Kitten Mittons View Post
Just shaved - did a terrible job (cuts) and then cut my thumb trying clean the blood off the razor.
Yeah, I start feeling uncomfortable just from reading that.

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04-08-2012, 11:49 PM
  #531
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The friend zone thing is BS. All it takes is you manning up and going after it when she becomes single.

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04-09-2012, 12:04 AM
  #532
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Yeah, I start feeling uncomfortable just from reading that.
Lol, since it's my last shave, I tried to make it as smooth as possible and overdid it.

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04-09-2012, 06:37 AM
  #533
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Originally Posted by Respect Your Edler View Post
The friend zone thing is BS. All it takes is you manning up and going after it when she becomes single.
The friend zone doesn't always apply to falling for a girl that is taken. In fact, if a girl is taken, it's a lot easier to not be romantically attracted to her, in my opinion.

And there's simply nothing you can really do to escape the friend zone. "Manning up" and "going after it" won't do jack ****, because the friend zone isn't some magical prison where if you say the right phrase you immediately get released.

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04-09-2012, 08:57 AM
  #534
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Originally Posted by Kitten Mittons View Post
Lol, since it's my last shave, I tried to make it as smooth as possible and overdid it.
I cheated on my playoff beard last year. I had to trim it twice in order to keep it in line. Only bad part going 3 rounds + two 7 game series.

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04-09-2012, 09:14 AM
  #535
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Originally Posted by Flawless Logic View Post
And there's simply nothing you can really do to escape the friend zone.
Not true at all. I've gotten out of the friend zone, many times. But it does take time/work to get a girl to see you another way ... pining away feeling sorry yourself hoping that one day she'll see the light, that isn't going to cut it.

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04-09-2012, 09:39 AM
  #536
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greatest thing about ladder theory: introduction of 'ninja *****' to me.

perfect way to describe some women.

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Old
04-09-2012, 01:57 PM
  #537
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Originally Posted by mmbt View Post
Not true at all. I've gotten out of the friend zone, many times. But it does take time/work to get a girl to see you another way ... pining away feeling sorry yourself hoping that one day she'll see the light, that isn't going to cut it.
Tell me how you escaped it multiple times... It's not as simple as getting the girl to change how she thinks of you.

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04-09-2012, 02:33 PM
  #538
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Originally Posted by Flawless Logic View Post
Tell me how you escaped it multiple times... It's not as simple as getting the girl to change how she thinks of you.
Actually, it is sort of that simple, although it does take time ... sometimes even years. But really, you can change how she thinks of you, if you actually have changed. You can't fake it.

First, get some separation ... you can't "reboot" your image if you're always hanging out. Go live life away from her, build a life entirely separate.

Next, when you do see her again down the road, you hopefully will be more confident, and have become a more interesting person. If you show up as the same schmoe from before, well then expect similar results.

And most importantly you have to ACTUALLY no longer be totally into her. Open to the possibility perhaps, but at that point she should be almost like any other girl you just met ... just one of several girls you might be interested if you hit it off, but no guarantees on your end. If you go back to making her the center of your attention again, it ain't gonna work.

Of course, there really ARE no guarantees of any kind on either end. All the above can do is reboot things ... but if she really just found you unattractive in some fundamental way to begin with, or you're really not her type, then rebooting isn't going to do much. You can't MAKE someone like you.

But for me, it's happened several times where girls who thought of me as "just a friend" with no spark, after a while when I re-introduced the new and improved me, and put a move on them more aggressively than I had before, it worked. Two of them later told me they were shocked at my newfound boldness and confidence, and were surprised at how much I'd grown as a person. Of course, sometimes it didn't work, but that's true of any girl you meet, no?

In the end, there's pluses and minuses involved. On the downside, you have to break your mold, which can't be done overnight. But then, you should always be looking to better yourself and grow as a person anyway, so it's not like I'm telling you to do anything you shouldn't do, even if you were already dating her.

On the plus side, if she really thinks of you as a friend then she already likely knows you're not a total creep ... so getting her to meet up with you should be easier than asking a relative stranger out. After that, it's up to you to give a good "new" first impression.

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Old
04-09-2012, 02:55 PM
  #539
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Le Tricolore View Post
So this friend-zone talk reminded me of this: http://www.laddertheory.com/
I read that whole thing and pretty much agree. It's very cynical, but very accurate. You're simply wasting your time being 'friends' with a girl you want to ****. Gotta make the ladder jump early.

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Old
04-09-2012, 04:51 PM
  #540
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Some crazy ex who I have no desire to talk to or hear from, found my number after I changed it a year ago and is calling/texting me again. Restraining order time? I think so.

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Old
04-09-2012, 05:02 PM
  #541
Propane Nightmares
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The ladder theory was interesting. Hate to admit I was a cuddle ***** when I was 17 that's embarrassing.

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Old
04-09-2012, 07:30 PM
  #542
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huge for Nuge View Post
I read that whole thing and pretty much agree. It's very cynical, but very accurate. You're simply wasting your time being 'friends' with a girl you want to ****. Gotta make the ladder jump early.
Disagree.

Depends on the level of friendship. One of my best friends is a girl, and I really like her...but she thinks of me as simply a very good friend. I'm not going to stop being friends with her simply because the feelings we have for each other aren't mutual. She can always change her mind, too.

I pretty much have stopped pursuing her past a strong friendship, and I have a damn good time everytime we see each other.

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04-09-2012, 07:44 PM
  #543
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Disagree.

Depends on the level of friendship. One of my best friends is a girl, and I really like her...but she thinks of me as simply a very good friend. I'm not going to stop being friends with her simply because the feelings we have for each other aren't mutual. She can always change her mind, too.

I pretty much have stopped pursuing her past a strong friendship, and I have a damn good time everytime we see each other.
I wouldn't go as far to say that guys can't be friends with girls.

I have several friends who are girls who I find attractive, but I understand that they don't feel the same way about me (or maybe they do, I've never really bothered to ask).

You can be friends with girls and have an attraction to them as long as you accept that your attraction is probably going to come to nothing.


Last edited by Finlandia WOAT: 04-09-2012 at 10:18 PM.
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Old
04-09-2012, 07:52 PM
  #544
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Originally Posted by Captain Tripps View Post
You can be friends with girls and have an attraction to them as long as you accept that your attraction is probably going to come from nothing.
That's pretty much what it comes down to.

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Old
04-09-2012, 08:40 PM
  #545
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Old
04-09-2012, 11:08 PM
  #546
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Ok, so a continuation of my story follows but first, a few updates (or info that's at least new to me) about my ex-fiancee. Turns out she was speaking with this guy before she officially ended our relationship and her parents told her to talk to him because he was "better". Now here's my time to vent: Her first boyfriend pretty much ***** her. Her dad doesn't know, he would kill the guy. She was drunk, he took advantage, Now, this had caused some problems with me and her b/c it messed her up good. And I know this new dude won't handle the physical side of things as well as I did. And if it ever comes back to me that he hurt her...

Oh and tomorrow's her birthday. We had big plans (obviously cancelled) but I'm still going to text happy birthday. Because I'm my own man and I want to. To prove to myself that I can be socially cordial and keep the other stuff inside.

================================================== =============

Ok, the other girl. I have known her for even longer than my ex, but haven't talked to her in literally years. Well she had texted me after my ex left to see if I wanted to talk to someone who was "outside of the situation." I didn't take her up on it b/c quite frankly I was too f'd in the head at that point. So last Friday I took her to dinner, more of a thank you for being there for me than anything else. Well we talk about a lot and during that time I realized that at some point down the road, I'm goin to be ok. Yeah there will be bumps and I'll fall off the wagon but eventually it'll turn out. So after a long conversation/dinner, we part ways.
She lives in Orlando, I'm in Tampa but she was in town to see her family in Tampa for Easter. So I think she's leaving for Orlando Sunday evening, but she texts me around 6 and asks if I'm doing anything. She says she's going back Monday. I was already out for a walk, so I go by her house. (about 2 miles form where my parents live and I was currently at. Interesitngly, ex also lives about 2 miles form that house but in the other direction.) So we talk for about 30-45 minutes, and she's laying down some serious stuff and so am I, just about past bad things in our lives. Then we just shoot the bull about high school and crap like that. She goes to return inside, but then stops at the end of her driveway. At this point I know it's too early to jump into a relationship but hey, I've seemingly always been wrong before so I say something to the effect of I feel like I have feeings for her (oh geez) and that if it were up to me, I would do everything I could to make her happy. She tears up, says she would like that... but she started dating some dude last week and wants to see where that goes. SO I say something like "I'm a good guy, I don't want to be the 'other' guy, so I won't say anymore" and she says she could see us that way. So we share a hug and off I go. We're going to keep in touch and beyond that I've no clue. She says when she's in town she'll let me know. I have no reason to go to Orlando so I won't see her unless she tells me she's here. So... meh.

================================================== ============

Oh, and one more note I almost forgot: My ex is seemingly going out of her way to make sure I hurt emotionally. She originally said she didn't want to hurt me but has since said that our 5 years were "meaningless" and "weren't real". Now I know this is a lie, we had some very real moments. My buddies are split that she's just a ***** showing her true colors, that she's just being spiteful to hurt me, or that she's purposefully building a wall b/c part of her still wants to be with me and by doing this, she's effectivelly cutting off that part from reaching out. Anyways, it's not fun and I desperately want to let her go, but my mind just wont turn off. I've been working 10-12 hour days to stay busy and putting my thoughts into a very personal blog but no matter how many I empty out, the water level doesn't go down, so to say. Honestly I'm beginning to think if it's just me that's absolutely flipped out and gone crazy.

Sorry for the book.
Edit: More posts may follow. I just have a lot to say, and the advice from you guys who don't personally know me has helped.

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Old
04-09-2012, 11:11 PM
  #547
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Originally Posted by Huge for Nuge View Post
Friend-zone = cant get over a girl who you're in to, and she is too nice to tell you to **** off.
It's not niceness, it's the attention they need like air.

Niceness is sacrificing the friendship because you know its better for the other person, even if they can't admit it.

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Old
04-09-2012, 11:58 PM
  #548
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Originally Posted by mrwarden View Post
It's not niceness, it's the attention they need like air.

Niceness is sacrificing the friendship because you know its better for the other person, even if they can't admit it.
Just reading that makes me feel so....different about this lady friend of mine.

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Old
04-10-2012, 01:13 AM
  #549
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Man, I wish I would have found these threads a year and a half ago.

About the month before going to college I started hanging out with a lady friend of mine that I had been friends with since 6th grade a lot more. Early on in HS I had my chance to do something about it but always knew in my mind that I wanted to go away for college and didn't worry about relationships in HS so I didn't and she ended up dating this kid for like 2 years. But at the end of the summer she wasn't and as we hung out more and more some I had some feelings for her, and vice versa so last day before she leaves for school we go to the zoo, watch Up, hang out and I go to dinner with her parents. At the end of the day I tell her how I felt and pretty much knew the reason she didn't want a relationship because she didn't want to be in a long distance relationship (our college's are like 4 hours apart). Whatever, I knew this was the reason so I accepted it.
We spend the first 2 months of school texting 24/7 just about and she talks about all these things we should do over the first break back at home. She sends me a nice pair of basketball shorts/shirt from her school with a nice note, etc. so then I get her something from my college and the day I sent it I get on Facebook and boom she's in a relationship with a kid that goes to her school from the same city we are from (who over the summer a mutual friend said she wasn't interested in him) . That hurt a good amount and took some time but I moved on and have talked to her once since then.

Fast forward a year to this winter, and long story short, her and the kid from above break up and she gets back together with the kid from HS who goes to school about 6 hours from her and in a long distance relationship .

Not looking for any advice but just wanted to rant a little bit and show that getting out of the friend-zone can be accomplished (at least somewhat here) but it's all about timing, and, well manning up which I failed to do.

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Old
04-10-2012, 06:17 AM
  #550
Propane Nightmares
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Fast forward a year to this winter, and long story short, her and the kid from above break up and she gets back together with the kid from HS who goes to school about 6 hours from her and in a long distance relationship .
So when she said she didn't want to be in a long distance relationship, what she really meant was she didn't want to be in a long distance relationship with you.

It's the same for anyone who has been told "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't want a relationship right now" it's usually BS and they just haven't added the "with you" part.

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