TV: Favorite Simpsons Moments -- Part IX

[The Nemesis]

How can ace be one and eleven? What kind of god would allow that?

[KaylaJ]

Homer: SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!!!
Lovejoy: Oh, why did I teach him that word?

[ColincampbellOscopy]

My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man. Let's get him!

-"Wait! Why are we gettin' him?"

[ixcuincle]

Originally Posted by ColincampbellOscopy

My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man. Let's get him!

-"Wait! Why are we gettin' him?"

Nelson: Hey, Van Houten, I heard your folks broke up.
Milhouse: Aren't you gonna say, "Ha-ha"?
Nelson: Oh, by no means. [sits down]: My dad left my mom when she got hooked on cough drops. By the end [voice breaks], her breath was so fresh...she wasn't really my mother anymore.
Milhouse: Oh, so I guess I'm not alone.
Kearney: Ah, you'll do fine. My divorce was tough on my kid [slides over and reveals a child who bears a strong resemblance to Kearney], but he got over it.
Kearney's Son: I sleep in a drawer.

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Fixing this church should be our top priority. And I say that as a teenager and a parent of a teenager.

[bombers15]

Grandpa: Metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogs-head and that’s the way I likes it!

[Habsfunk]

Originally Posted by ColincampbellOscopy

My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man. Let's get him!

-"Wait! Why are we gettin' him?"

Martin: Look, fellows. The first snapdragon of the season.
Nelson: Nevermind. Let's get him!

[JaysCyYoung]

Originally Posted by ColincampbellOscopy

My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man. Let's get him!

-"Wait! Why are we gettin' him?"

"Look fellas, the first snapdragon of the season."

"Who cares, get HIM."

[bombers15]

Mr. Burns: Ooh, so Mother Nature needs a favour? Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys. Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing. Well I say hard cheese.

[Trap Jesus]

"Sounds like Springfield's got a discipline problem."
"Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time."

[Powerforward17]

Flanders: Here you go: your rubber training knife. You've attained the rank of "***** willow"!

[Lynk]

"Hi you've reached the Corey hotline, $4.95 a minute. Here are some words that rhyme with Corey, glory, story, allegory, Montessori".

[The Nemesis]

Such a product does not exist! Maybe in Shangri-La it does, but not here...

[Habsfunk]

Originally Posted by Lynk

"Hi you've reached the Corey hotline, $4.95 a minute. Here are some words that rhyme with Corey, glory, story, allegory, Montessori".

Hi, you have reached the Corey hotline, $4.95 a minute. Let us see today's headlines...Canada Stalls Trade Pact...

[Sweet Gerald]

Wait, you forgot your bear! A symbol of your lost youth and innocence!

[Sweet Gerald]

Originally Posted by ColincampbellOscopy

My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man. Let's get him!

Homer, give him what he wants

[ixcuincle]

Stupid syndication cut out this scene.

[FinHockey]

Moleman: But he ate my last meal.
Lovejoy: If that's the worst thing that happens to you today consider yourself lucky.

[ixcuincle]

In the Carmen Electra / Homer + Marge get arrested episode, Homer is eating all that food before being executed

"How can you have an appetite at a time like this?"

[KaylaJ]

Lovejoy: Alright Hans, time to go.

Moleman: But he ate my last meal!

Lovejoy: Mmmm, if that's the worst thing that happens to you today consider yourself lucky!

Moleman: Are you really allowed to execute people in a local jail?

Lovejoy: From this point on, no talking

[Imaginary Threats]

"Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager"
"Your manager says for you to shut up!"
"Vera said that? "

[Iron Maiden Led]

Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?

Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.

Homer: Ummm... revenge?

Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step step...slam)

[devils4cup]

If that makes me a sissy then i guess i am a sissy.

He's a sissy! Let's rush him!

[The Nemesis]

Homer: "Well at least I liked it. Didn't I?"

Homer's Brain: "Oh you don't wanna know what I think. Now look sad and say 'd'oh'...."

Homer: *sadly* d'oh...

[KesselBuiltMyHotrod]

How much sex would be involved? Because if it's some

[TheSpaceCoyote]

Originally Posted by Valhallian88

Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?

Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.

Homer: Ummm... revenge?

Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step step...slam)

Marge: Lisa needs to go to the museum tomorrow, and I think you should take her.
Homer: Museum? Tomorrow? Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning
on...
Brain: Sleeping? Eating a big sandwich? Watching TV? Spending time with the boy!
Homer: Spending time with the boy! The boy needs attention, Marge.
Marge: Homer, I've been talking to Lisa, and I'm concerned about your
relationship with her.
Bart : Me too, Mom. I think you're drifting apart.
Homer: Shut up, boy.
Marge: Homer, please.
Homer: Marge, you don't understand. I can't do it because...
Brain: You're trapped. If you were smarter, you might think of something.
But you're not, so you just might as well...
Homer: All right, all right, I'll take her. [sotto voce] Lousy brain.