I don't know where to get started I leave it to the more knowledgeable in this area.
Make up the roster of all-retired players that you think would still make a worthy team.
For clarity, we're talking four offensive lines, three defensive lines and two goaltenders.
I'd take a 43 year old Sakic, 44 year old Recchi, 41 year old Sundin and Patrick Lalime in net most likely at 38.
Alexander Karpovtsev and Malik on my 3rd line defense.
Yes, this is a serious question. I have this feeling that a very old roster would still be able to make a playoff push if they were all former stars and if some of them retired with something left in the tank.
What do you mean by "retired" (or "all-retired")? Is it not playing in the NHL or not playing at elite level in neither North America, nor KHL, Sweden, etc.?
(I guess you mean to exclude the players in KHL, Swedish top-level, Czech top level, etc. Otherwise, there are many Europeans in KHL and in other leagues that should be able to form a competitive NHL roster.)
I'd assume Bryan Rafalski would still be one of the best offensive defencemen in the league. He had the 4th highest PPG for defencemen last year. He retired this summer not because of old age but to spend time with his family.