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funny read

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11-26-2003, 07:33 AM
  #1
DRL
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funny read

got this from another forum, by a guy named "aggressive"

Gosh! Why can it never be Shania, Britney, or Nicole whom I usually see in my dreams? Why does it have always to be “The Avs”, God damn it! As if 17 hours a day isn’t enough!. Again it was the Avs, last night.

Here I was, at the Denver Chop House, sitting behind the same table with Foppa, Sakic, Footer, Selanne and Kono. We were talking hockey (what else?), but I wasn’t paying too much attention, because the Twins were sitting two tables across, and I was holding the Coors Light bottle high in the air, hoping I could get a smile or a wink.

Behind the table next to ours, sitting was PL and his protégé the “coach”, Skoula, Cummins, Blake, Morris and Tocchet . Oh, and Tanguay was sitting between the twins, and was being kissed all night. But I swear, I wasn’t really feeling jealous, because I’m his biggest fan ever.

PL was mad as hell, since the team just came back with a big loss to the Predators. The “coach” was surprisingly in a good mood though, and I think he was exchanging jokes with Skoula. I was asking myself whether Skoula really understood the jokes or was he pretending so. But the “coach” didn’t mind, I suppose.

Pierre: “ Those Predators were really tough tonight, eh? I liked the way you coached the game, but I guess your team didn’t get the breaks tonight. What do you think, Tony?"

Tony: “ If we could have just made it to OT, Damn! Recently, we have been very successful in the last minute of the OT. We have been practicing OT all week long, boss, and things were starting to look good. But I must also note that Skoula has been taking charge of the special teams recently, and I wish boss you could see the scared faces of the opponents when they see Skoula leaving the bench and heading toward them, with a frown on his face. HA HA HA HA HA everybody behind the table was laughing and feeling sorry at the same time for the other teams, who never expected such a shrewd gambit by the rookie “coach”.

Selanne: Guys! I’m in shock. Paul and I joined your team thinking it was gonna be an easy ride. But I tell you, you have to work a lot on your team. Too many fiddlers but no music! Your transition play sucks, your clearing the puck out of your zone sucks, your play in the neutral zone sucks, your first pass sucks, your only offense is the AMP line,. You don’t play the point, you don’t screen, tip, effectively rebound. It’s all vertical passes no center feeds, no cross passes. Man, we used to work our butts at practices on a daily basis. Our coach then made us beg for a break. Good life you are living here guys”.

PL: ” Shhhhh, Teemu you don’t teach me how to run the team. We have 9 Division Titles and counting. Do you know what teams we had to beat to accomplish this record?. We had to beat Calgary, Edmonton, Minnesota in addition to Vancouver. Can’t you realize that?

PL looks back at the captain:” What do you think Joey?” “Unbelievable” Sakic as always, replied. “Footer, what do ya think?” Footer doesn’t bother to reply, looks at the Twins and proceeds with eating peanuts. PL looks at Blake and then goes " Blake, your shots seem to hit the goalie all the time. Are you trying to score or knock off the goalie? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I respect your butt, but I have never heard of a butt that’s worth 8 million dollars a year! And when exactly are you planning to get over your California complex ? It’s about time, man! I want you to be more aggressive around the net . Quit watching the opponents and use your stick around the net. Anyways, I’m gonna meet with Tony tonight and I’ll explain to him what changes on the plan he should do next”.

Kono is a big guy and already had something like 5 Tequila drinks. “Oh, man we sucked tonight. When I first came here, I must be frank with you guys, I was ******** in my pants! I was sitting on the plane and thinking : God , will I ever fit in? It didn’t take me long to figure you out guys. I got ripped man. I slave here and work like a horse for what? I don’t see us winning the cup, if we keep playing like this. You guys are spoiled here. If you play like that in the East Coast with your current payroll, the fans will eat you alive and you will get buried night after night under piles of catfish”. Footer nodded with approval, didn’t speak a word but for some reason was looking in the direction of Tony and Skoula, and I could notice him banging the table gently with his fist.

Sakic looks at Foppa,” I saw you practicing this morning and you looked unbelievable Peter”. “I swear Joe, if it wasn’t for Teemu and Paul, I would be in Sweden right now. Man, I have had it. I’m still young, I lost a spleen, steel bolts are filling my ankles, I think I tore an abdomen muscle two weeks ago, and I don’t know what else is wrong with me, and all that for what? This team is all about slaves and masters”.

At this time a Denver Post reporter approaches Foppa and asks:” we hear this is your last year in Denver, is it true? “Well, It’s too early to talk about it, but my dad believes this will be my last year here. You know, my parents would like to spend some time with me while I still have my both kidneys inside me”. He looks at Kono and says: ”Kono, listen to me, I’ve been watching you playing, and I tell you if you keep playing like that while the rest of the team is watching, you may kiss your spleen goodbye before the end of the season. And believe me, those reporters at Denver Post will not spare you, and will keep hitting on you even after your spleen gets removed. To hell with money! I want this team to put a decent fight this season. I want them to get that banner down that says “Pursuing History or whatever, and hoist a banner that says : Do or Die”! I urinate on the Division Title. It’s the cup or bust. When I see this spirit evolving I don’t mind losing a kidney over and above. But there should be no place on this team for a lazy sissy bum. Hockey is a battle, a war and should be fought like the Vikings did”. I could see Skoula slipping down in his seat.

Tony: ” Come on Foppa, ease up man, have some fun. The night is still young. I promise you, Pierre will think of something and we shall win the division title for the tenth time. I’m not spooked by Bertouzzi, the guy is a thug, nothing more. Have a drink on me.“

PL: “Foppa, believe me when I say, me and Tony are working on some line combinations, nobody has ever dreamed of. But it will be revealed in the right time.

Skoula: But coach I’m starting to get confused now. You keep mixing lines, mixing and mixing. Mcallister is playing RW now and I’m almost the leader on special teams, and Tanguay is behaving on ice as if he was the captain of this team. My mind can’t take it.

Sakic: “Unbelievable”

Footer: ” Skoula , I swear, if you don’t shut up right now, you know where I’m gonna shove this Coors Light bottle.

At the end of the hall, Aebi and Sauve were drinking Diet Coke and finishing their burgers. PL: “Hey kids! More diet Coke for you? Although, I think it’s too late now, and you should go to bed early”.

Tony: “ Guys! Guys! Tomorrow’s practice is optional for Skoula, Mcallister, Cummins Morris, and Sauve. But Forsberg, Tanguay, Sakic, Blake and Hejduk must show up. Those are the guys I need to work on. But don’t worry we’ll practice for 30 minutes, then we can go for a drink , have some fun, you know. Afterall, I’m a ”players coach”.

A DP reporter approaches PL and asks: I heard you will be going after Kevin Weekes in the near future, is this true? Weekes? What Weekes are you talking about? Roy is our only goalie. He never left Denver, I can smell him , he is around, I could swear he is in the Pepsi Center right now getting ready for the next Predators game. Tony am I right?”

Tony: Well, if he decides to come back, I can mix him with Aebi and Sauve, whereby, each would play a period. That would confuse the hell out of the league, eh?

Sakic: “ Unbelievable”.

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Old
11-26-2003, 07:43 AM
  #2
smashviller
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hehehehe...thats funny stuff.

 
Old
11-26-2003, 08:49 AM
  #3
st_roland
 
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hilarious. What a odd dream.

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