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"I stink, therefore I am!"

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Old
11-27-2003, 10:14 AM
  #1
OYLer
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"I stink, therefore I am!"

Inspired by the latest desertion of yet another disguntled Oilers' fan from the fold, I offer this humble possible explanation. In the very extreme case, of one Harry Paratestes, we must examine what tramatic event triggered the breakdown which led to hopeless Harry'sloss of his Philosopher's Stone. What was the despicable animus that left our poor Paratestes senselessly Pottering around in abject despondency. Unable or perhaps unwilling to stiffen his resolve, traitor Harry, trolls aimlessly about these boards looking for understanding. Perhaps if we were to review some basic thinking on the subject a hand? In his investigations into the reality of life, Rene Descates, the noted 17th century philosopher, postulated the justifcation of his own existance: "I think, therefore I am." Herein may lie the reason for poor Harry's hubris, because as we all know, 'Pride Goth Before the Fall!'

Inadvertently engaging in the 1st of the seven most deadly sins, poor
HP had the "sauce" but, 'alas' not his team's backing, and did wear with pride, Copper & Blue colours in the Land of La La. West Coast enmity being what it is, the Canuckleheads too often played off, left naked, big busted, and Cupless, peppery ridicule of HP did ensue. For such is a diehard fan's fate when trapped in foreign confines. Then came the Fall, the Hockey Masked Michigan Murder, crashing Oilers' stock faster than Eron excutives could selloff stock options. Last night's Knockout at the Joe Louis Arena was another embarrassing mismatch. The Boys escaping to the Bus after being pummeled senseless was a reminder of how our chosen sports team often makes we fans feel like Big White Dopes! I'd say back to the drawing board but I fear pencils at this moment might be just too advanced. So pass out the crayons in hopes the 'Oil' boys can, at least, start colouring a little within the lines. Just maybe an extra helping of whole Oates will produce some needed Oiler energy?

Thus
Harry disillusioned contemplates becoming a Canucks' fan. But the mire ... oops I mean mere ... thought of supporting (or so it is whispered in the nether regions where Sportwriters gather to debate the anals (sp?) of their scripesmenship) a team made up of large ugly females on steroids has its drawbacks. The required act of horrific initiation, where said fan initiate must jump off of the Port Mann Bridge, executing a bungee jump with one end of the elastic cord attached only around the gonadal area of the anatomy gives pause to the most disillusioned of Oilers' fans! Being a former Oilers' supporter, certainly Harry has the 'balls' for such a testy right-of-package-excised to become a politically correct Canucks' fan. Cheering as a Contralto, just one of the many unfortunate side-effects!

The Detroit Drubbing
or as others have characterized said debacle - Motor City Massacre - Mowed down in Motown, triggered the 'animus' towards the hapless Oil Babies so easily spanked. It is worth noting here that in Jungian psychology, animus is defined as the masculine inner personality as present in women (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=animus). So poor
Harry Paratestes' reactive neurotic complusion to become transvestual, and actually don a Vancouverette's sweater is regrettably understandable. This sad situation is especially so sad lately since the Oilers team has adopted the more minimalistic and more animistic reduction of Descates discourse: "I stink, therefore I am!"

Could I prescribe a cure to reconstitute
Mr. Paratestes' missingmanliness, and his shrivelled Oilers' fanliness, I would. The miracle cure would be a NHL record tying 13 consecutive wins culminating at the Garage on Dec. 27th on HNIC where Isbister gets gonads too and tunes-up Jovanovski. Laraque follows suit and makes Big Baby Bert cry. But since this prescription can only be delivered collectively by Team Oiler, respectfully, and out of concern for both poor Harry's mental and physical health, I offer this new Copper & Blue rallying cry:
Come on boys! giver just on more time, for a Harry
Paratestes!!!!!!!!



Last edited by OYLer: 11-27-2003 at 08:01 PM.
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Old
11-27-2003, 10:28 AM
  #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OYLer
a team made up of large ugly females on steroids
i've never read a more concise description of Brent Sopel.

unfortunately, i suspect that mister testes will be too lazy to haul out a dictionary in an effort to understand your incredibly verbose commentary. his loss...

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Old
11-27-2003, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LawnDemon
i've never read a more concise description of Brent Sopel.

unfortunately, i suspect that mister testes will be too lazy to haul out a dictionary in an effort to understand your incredibly verbose commentary. his loss...
Notice I included a link to a dictionary for the Canucks' fans in general and one hockey fan in particular (who a times) sounding ever so reasonable can be gloatingly Mizralable.

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Old
11-27-2003, 04:56 PM
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Mr Sakich
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just out of curiousity, are you related to Rod Black?

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Old
11-27-2003, 06:29 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by OYLer
Inspired by the latest desertion of yet another disguntled Oilers' fan from the fold, I offer this humble possible explanation. In the very extreme case, of one Harry Paratestes, we must examine what tramatic event triggered the breakdown which led to hopeless Harry'sloss of his Philosopher's Stone. What was the despicable animus that left our poor Paratestes senselessly Pottering around in abject despondency. Unable or perhaps unwilling to stiffen his resolve, traitor Harry, trolls aimlessly about these boards looking for understanding. Perhaps if we were to review some basic thinking on the subject a hand? In his investigations into the reality of life, Rene Descates, the noted 17th century philosopher, postulated the justifcation of his own existance: "I think, therefore I am." Herein may lie the reason for poor Harry's hubris, because as we all know, 'Pride Goth Before the Fall!'

Inadvertently engaging in the 1st of the seven most deadly sins, poor
HP had the "sauce" but, 'alas' not his team's backing, and did wear with pride, Copper & Blue colours in the Land of La La. West Coast enmity being what it is, the Canuckleheads too often played off, left naked, big busted, and Cupless, peppery ridicule of HP did ensue. For such is a diehard fan's fate when trapped in foreign confines. Then came the Fall, the Hockey Masked Michigan Murder, crashing Oilers' stock faster than Eron excutives could selloff stock options. Last night's Knockout at the Joe Louis Arena was another embarrassing mismatch. The Boys escaping to the Bus after being pummeled senseless was a reminder of how our chosen sports team often makes we fans feel like Big White Dopes! I'd say back to the drawing board but I fear pencils at this moment might be just too advanced. So pass out the crayons in hopes the 'Oil' boys can, at least, start colouring a little within the lines. Just maybe an extra helping of whole Oates will produce some needed Oiler energy?

Thus
Harry disillusioned contemplates becoming a Canucks' fan. But the mire ... oops I mean mere ... thought of supporting (or so it is whispered in the nether regions where Sportwriters gather to debate the anals (sp?) of their scripesmenship) a team made up of large ugly females on steroids has its drawbacks. The required act of horrific initiation, where said fan initiate must jump off of the Port Mann Bridge, executing a bungee jump with one end of the elastic cord attached only around the gonadal area of the anatomy gives pause to the most disillusioned of Oilers' fans! Being a former Oilers' supporter, certainly Harry has the 'balls' for such a testy right-of-package-excised to become a politically correct Canucks' fan. Cheering as a Contralto, just one of the many unfortunate side-effects!

The Detroit Drubbing
or as others have characterized said debacle - Motor City Massacre - Mowed down in Motown, triggered the 'animus' towards the hapless Oil Babies so easily spanked. It is worth noting here that in Jungian psychology, animus is defined as the masculine inner personality as present in women (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=animus). So poor
Harry Paratestes' reactive neurotic complusion to become transvestual, and actually don a Vancouverette's sweater is regrettably understandable. This is especially so since the Oilers team has adopted the more minimalistic and more animistic reduction of Descates discourse: "I stink, therefore I am!"

Could I prescribe a cure to reconstitute
Mr. Paratestes' missingmanliness, and his shrivelled Oilers' fanliness, I would. The miracle cure would be a NHL record tying 13 consecutive wins culminating at the Garage on Dec. 27th on HNIC where Isbister gets gonads too and tunes-up Jovanovski. Laraque follows suit and makes Big Baby Bert cry. But since this prescription can only be delivered collectively by Team Oiler, respectfully, and out of concern for both poor Harry's mental and physical health, offer this new Copper & Blue rallying cry:
Come on boys! giver just on more time, for a Harry
Paratestes!!!!!!!!



Huh??????Go Canucks Go!!!!!!!

 
Old
11-27-2003, 07:52 PM
  #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Paratestes
Huh??????Go Canucks Go!!!!!!!
don't worry about this hairy, lots of big words so a lot of guys can't get through it. Just start a "go canucks go" chant and you will be fine.

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Old
11-27-2003, 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Sakich
don't worry about this hairy, lots of big words so a lot of guys can't get through it. Just start a "go canucks go" chant and you will be fine.
clever.

i didnt know canucks fans had such a poor reputation.

oh well, what do i care?

*glances over the nhl standings

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Old
11-27-2003, 08:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathbear
clever.

i didnt know canucks fans had such a poor reputation.

oh well, what do i care?

*glances over the nhl standings
Nice looking standings - but the ole "look at the scoreboard" come back is very lame.

* glances up to the five stanley cup banners

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Old
11-27-2003, 08:42 PM
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ya, you have five stanley cup banners, but...but...

we made it to the finals in 94!!!


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Old
11-27-2003, 08:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathbear
ya, you have five stanley cup banners, but...but...

we made it to the finals in 94!!!

Thats true. A solid accomplishment - damn Rangers/Ex-Oilers.

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Old
11-27-2003, 09:31 PM
  #11
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Rant at the right time!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Sakich
just out of curiousity, are you related to Rod Black?
No I am not, but thanx for asking. In case anyone is interested this little playful piece of whimsy was intentionally double edged. Missed opportunities will become the catch phrase and eventual undoing of the Oilers if they do not rise to the occasion and win some critical games. They must learn how to play road games more tightly and with composure and steadiness. I have contended since I watched this team play at the beginning of the year that they have the talent to be a top 4 or 5 WC team.

When the 'Oil' play without spirit and/or discipline I get angry and write negative criticism. When they play well but get beat by the bounces or when other teams make great plays I applaud good hockey well played. Tonight the Canucks won in overtime on a fluke goal, but they as a team were in position to do so because they weathered the storm as the Sens came on and tied it up. They didn't panic and fold like some ambulance chasing shyster forced to go before a judge with no case!

Learning how to give your hockey club a chance to win is about team play and trusting that each player will get his job done. So when a defensive breakdown occurs you don't have teammates running around trying to do everybody elses job. If a forward looses his man you have to trust that the goalie will make that 1st stop. Forwards playing goal is not a good thing. Goal result from great individual plays (these usually can't be helped) becuse of fluke occurance (can't be helped), and from a series of breakdown where one mistake is compounded by the next and next, etc., mistake - these kind of gaols can be eliminated.

When players end up in the sin bin the same is true. Those lazy none skating penalties can be helped. The undisciplined retaliation can be helped. We don't want Dvo taking penalties like he did last night; we want our big bodies to exact payback later or better initiate pain on the other teams skill players. Make the Wings defend Datsyuk! We don't want the Oilers out trying to out Shinny the Red Wing we want Stevie Y to get hit so hard he needs to take the rest night off to rest his knee. Brett Hull can be hounded right off off the ice. Get Raffi watching Esa Tikinan video for pointers.

There is just not enough nasty and team toughness in the Oilers systems. This playing not to loose needs to be Sh!tcanned! This Team must play to win and skate and scrap and intimidate and not be afraid to make mistakes. They need to know if they play hard and smart and still loose, we fans will say hey good job boys. Trust, hard work, and team play is what wins most games and not nifty new line combinations.

It is the coaching is letting this team down and there is no magic formula. System must be ingrained and simplified. Ryan Smyth's point production is down because he is a minus 6. He is so busy trying to figure out how not to play poor defense in a new position he isn't focused on scoring. Can no one else see this?? We need another NHL top 6 D-man and to get the Comrie deal done!! We need to get Tommy back on form to play and win us some games!! With Reasoner and Oates in the lineup we'll be just fine down the road. We need to let Horcoff eat up minutes till that happens unless he is injured. Laraque and Isbister have got to get off their ***** and start being proactively physical. Hemsky and our smaller skilled guys must know their backs are covered. If any players who like Comrie are unwilling to fullfill their coach designated roles - trade them!

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Old
11-27-2003, 10:33 PM
  #12
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The Oilers are just a young team, and are making the kinds of mistakes young teams make. By the time the team works it's way back to the top of the league, many of these players won't be with the organization. But the best ones will be. The Oiler brass is simply giving the team and it's best players the chance to learn on the job. Sure it sucks when they don't win every game, or even play a stinker once in a while... but maybe some realistic expectations are in order. I've read lot's of posts by Oilers fans talking about how young their team is, and how they are built for the future, and yet you freak out just because they lose to ... the Wings? Man, that is one very solid team, and the game was waaaay closer than the final score let one to believe. Remember when Devo had just scored, and then York missed an open net? Well, that goes in and the game is tied, and the Oilers have that momentum. The Oil didn't lose 5 on 5, it was a really crappy PK that let them down.

Some of you talk about the Canucks being poor fans, but the Oilers are going through some pretty minor growing pains at the moment, and it doesn't seem that you're taking it very well at all. I watched the last game, and there was some pretty dam good hockey played at times, and almost every bounce went against the Oilers.

Also, I'm glad to read how much you dislike the Canucks, cause they are going to be around for a couple more years at this level.

Anyhow, I don't think there needs to be alot of player changes... I just think the team needs a chance to grow.

Cheers

Actually, now that I've read more posts on this board, I see that not many are really complaining... doh! Oh well, for all of those who see a single loss as a single loss, please just forget the stinging criticismsz...


Last edited by quat: 11-28-2003 at 12:30 AM.
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Old
11-28-2003, 12:28 AM
  #13
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Well, I have to admit that I didnt really like your writing style all that much, prior to tonight. But it definitely grew on me with this post, because once you grow accustomed to it, its incredibly amusing. Good stuff, thanks.

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Old
11-28-2003, 03:50 AM
  #14
Harry Paratestes
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Originally Posted by Walsher
Nice looking standings - but the ole "look at the scoreboard" come back is very lame.

* glances up to the five stanley cup banners


You can look up at the banners and the big Molson add outside the Coliseum all you want ..big deal ..but i want to compete for Cups now and in the future .I just think ownership is pulling the wool over Oiler fans eyes .Come on ,are Canuck tickets that much more than Oiler tickets ..no ..ive been to games in both cities .Population ...yeah Vancouver has more ..so what ????The barn is still sold out every night in Edmonton .Pay per View is a success , provincial lotteries are a success ..how can they NOT be making money with the lowest payroll in Canada .The Flameouts have a payroll 10 million higher than us .10 million would make a HUGE step toward being a Cup contender .The Oilers management is top notch at stocking the cup board ..but i think what MacT was referring to in his hesitation to resign here is the PAYROLL.I think he thinks like i do ..the money is there ..use it to get that scorer , d-man , goalie that we need to get to that next level .Stop telling Oiler fan that he should be lucky just to have an NHL team ..that is laughable with todays Oiler team ..it is the most efficiantly run team team in the NHL .
You know i always get around to the Cup banners and stuff when i argue with Vancouver fans , and they pretty much sum it up when they say ..Edmonton City of Memories .
lets stick it in their ear and let K-Lo get the players in here to put us at the Canuck level ..the Eskimos and Trap are doing there part to keep edmonton the City of Champions ..now its the Oilers turn to step up to the plate .

 
Old
11-28-2003, 04:26 AM
  #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Paratestes
You can look up at the banners and the big Molson add outside the Coliseum all you want ..big deal ..but i want to compete for Cups now and in the future .I just think ownership is pulling the wool over Oiler fans eyes .Come on ,are Canuck tickets that much more than Oiler tickets ..no ..ive been to games in both cities .Population ...yeah Vancouver has more ..so what ????The barn is still sold out every night in Edmonton .Pay per View is a success , provincial lotteries are a success ..how can they NOT be making money with the lowest payroll in Canada .The Flameouts have a payroll 10 million higher than us .10 million would make a HUGE step toward being a Cup contender .The Oilers management is top notch at stocking the cup board ..but i think what MacT was referring to in his hesitation to resign here is the PAYROLL.I think he thinks like i do ..the money is there ..use it to get that scorer , d-man , goalie that we need to get to that next level .Stop telling Oiler fan that he should be lucky just to have an NHL team ..that is laughable with todays Oiler team ..it is the most efficiantly run team team in the NHL .
You know i always get around to the Cup banners and stuff when i argue with Vancouver fans , and they pretty much sum it up when they say ..Edmonton City of Memories .
lets stick it in their ear and let K-Lo get the players in here to put us at the Canuck level ..the Eskimos and Trap are doing there part to keep edmonton the City of Champions ..now its the Oilers turn to step up to the plate .
Wow! Where to start with this piece of work ?

1. Trappers are no longer.
2. GM Place is a modern building that holds 18,500+, whereas Rexall holds just over 16,000. GM place also has more of those profit driving boxes. Trust me, the Canucks make a lot more than the Oilers do.
3. You will never win an award for proper punctuation; your post is near impossible to read.
4. The Canucks went through a real suck period to get where they are today. They are just a few years ahead of us in terms of development. Give the Oilers a few years and we could very well find ourselves in the shoes of the Canucks.
5. You rag on the Oilers, yet they are the envy of about 2/3rds of the NHL; we are able to ice a very competitive team without playing the trap or having a huge payroll. You should be proud to be an Oiler fan instead of ragging the team. If you want to constantly complain about everything the team does, maybe you should join the Leafs' ranks.

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Old
11-28-2003, 05:28 AM
  #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Paratestes
You can look up at the banners and the big Molson add outside the Coliseum all you want ..big deal ..but i want to compete for Cups now and in the future .I just think ownership is pulling the wool over Oiler fans eyes .Come on ,are Canuck tickets that much more than Oiler tickets ..no ..ive been to games in both cities .Population ...yeah Vancouver has more ..so what ????The barn is still sold out every night in Edmonton .Pay per View is a success , provincial lotteries are a success ..how can they NOT be making money with the lowest payroll in Canada .The Flameouts have a payroll 10 million higher than us .10 million would make a HUGE step toward being a Cup contender .The Oilers management is top notch at stocking the cup board ..but i think what MacT was referring to in his hesitation to resign here is the PAYROLL.I think he thinks like i do ..the money is there ..use it to get that scorer , d-man , goalie that we need to get to that next level .Stop telling Oiler fan that he should be lucky just to have an NHL team ..that is laughable with todays Oiler team ..it is the most efficiantly run team team in the NHL .
You know i always get around to the Cup banners and stuff when i argue with Vancouver fans , and they pretty much sum it up when they say ..Edmonton City of Memories .
lets stick it in their ear and let K-Lo get the players in here to put us at the Canuck level ..the Eskimos and Trap are doing there part to keep edmonton the City of Champions ..now its the Oilers turn to step up to the plate .
Well, not to pee on your parade or anything but the Trap we're sold last month...

Also, the E.O.G had to put an extra 10 mil into the kitty just to stay viable until the new C.B.A comes into effect. I dont think they are stock piling any cash.

As for the Flames well... One can only guess what they're fiscal reports are considering they haven't made any post season revenue for a while. Guaranteed they are losing boatloads of cash.

The Oilers are going to be more apt to spending as the Canadian dollar continues to be strong however that in its self is a mirage,mirrored by the weak American dollar. I think that the Oilers are being responsible.

IMO.

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Old
11-28-2003, 06:19 AM
  #17
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5. You rag on the Oilers, yet they are the envy of about 2/3rds of the NHL; we are able to ice a very competitive team without playing the trap or having a huge payroll. You should be proud to be an Oiler fan instead of ragging the team. If you want to constantly complain about everything the team does, maybe you should join the Leafs' ranks.
everyone who downs on the oilers as a team (especially those who consider themselves to be oiler fans) should read this over and over and over again...

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Old
11-28-2003, 06:25 AM
  #18
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This is honestly the first time I've ever seen an Oiler fan who jumped the bandwagon.

Don't come back on! We don't need you!

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Old
11-28-2003, 06:43 AM
  #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Paratestes
You can look up at the banners and the big Molson add outside the Coliseum all you want ..big deal ..but i want to compete for Cups now and in the future .I just think ownership is pulling the wool over Oiler fans eyes .Come on ,are Canuck tickets that much more than Oiler tickets ..no ..ive been to games in both cities .Population ...yeah Vancouver has more ..so what ????The barn is still sold out every night in Edmonton .Pay per View is a success , provincial lotteries are a success ..how can they NOT be making money with the lowest payroll in Canada .The Flameouts have a payroll 10 million higher than us .10 million would make a HUGE step toward being a Cup contender .The Oilers management is top notch at stocking the cup board ..but i think what MacT was referring to in his hesitation to resign here is the PAYROLL.I think he thinks like i do ..the money is there ..use it to get that scorer , d-man , goalie that we need to get to that next level .Stop telling Oiler fan that he should be lucky just to have an NHL team ..that is laughable with todays Oiler team ..it is the most efficiantly run team team in the NHL .
You know i always get around to the Cup banners and stuff when i argue with Vancouver fans , and they pretty much sum it up when they say ..Edmonton City of Memories .
lets stick it in their ear and let K-Lo get the players in here to put us at the Canuck level ..the Eskimos and Trap are doing there part to keep edmonton the City of Champions ..now its the Oilers turn to step up to the plate .
Lets look at some numbers.
Oilers Team Payroll: 30 million
Oilers Revenue: 48 million (from objective Forbes magazine)
Now, does it take any stretch of the imagination to think that marketing, taxes, coaches, administrative jobs, travel etc., take up 18 million dollars? If you look at the numbers, and you have any business sense, you realize that Oilers just can't spend more money, regardless of what the Flames or Canucks are doing.

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Old
11-28-2003, 09:38 AM
  #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Paratestes
You can look up at the banners and the big Molson add outside the Coliseum all you want ..big deal ..but i want to compete for Cups now and in the future .I just think ownership is pulling the wool over Oiler fans eyes .Come on ,are Canuck tickets that much more than Oiler tickets ..no ..ive been to games in both cities .Population ...yeah Vancouver has more ..so what ????The barn is still sold out every night in Edmonton .Pay per View is a success , provincial lotteries are a success ..how can they NOT be making money with the lowest payroll in Canada .The Flameouts have a payroll 10 million higher than us .10 million would make a HUGE step toward being a Cup contender .The Oilers management is top notch at stocking the cup board ..but i think what MacT was referring to in his hesitation to resign here is the PAYROLL.I think he thinks like i do ..the money is there ..use it to get that scorer , d-man , goalie that we need to get to that next level .Stop telling Oiler fan that he should be lucky just to have an NHL team ..that is laughable with todays Oiler team ..it is the most efficiantly run team team in the NHL .
You know i always get around to the Cup banners and stuff when i argue with Vancouver fans , and they pretty much sum it up when they say ..Edmonton City of Memories .
lets stick it in their ear and let K-Lo get the players in here to put us at the Canuck level ..the Eskimos and Trap are doing there part to keep edmonton the City of Champions ..now its the Oilers turn to step up to the plate .
Do you have 10 million to contribute to the cause? Have you been to any Oilers games in Edmonton? Do you buy the Oilers Lottery Tickets? How much Oilers merchandise do you buy? Frankly, I have season tickets, play the lottery as much as possible, and buy more than my share of merchandise. I try to contribute to the cause as much as possible and me as much as anyone wants a winner again. It isn't that easy. If fund raising was as easy as saying we need ten more million to get all these great players every team would have a 100 million payroll. The fact is this team needs to develop players. WHere was Vancouver a couple years ago? Exactly out of the playoffs and brutal. Since then Bertuzzi and Morrison filled in and Naslund turned into what he is now. The Oilers have great young talent. It isn't something that develops over night. Ask any true Canucks fan - Ask any Avalanche fan - ask any Stars fan - their success never came over night. Fortunately the Oilers did in the 80's. That will never happen again because scouting is so much more improved now. This team has as good a chance to compete as any other in the league. They are as talented, as fast, and as skilled a group as any. With Oates and Reasoner back in the lineup they have sured up their centerice position. With an imminent Comrie deal they will sure up even more. This team is good and just because they got shelled in MOtown doesn't mean their not. Watch some games and see what kind of team this is. Don't do any comparing - just watch this team.

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