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Old
08-26-2012, 08:49 PM
  #176
Cresto
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Any of you have experience with divorce (parents),new partners etc.?
Perhaps this is uninvited advise but here it is It's helpful to pay less mind to it all. The annoying thing in the end is having a bunch of potentially immature adults doing whatever they're doing for all sorts of reasons, good and bad reasons and none of it is directly in your control. Whether it's civil, quiet and friendly or if it's chaos, immature and spiteful, know that just because you're at the epicenter of it all (between the divorcees, between any new partners), doesn't mean you have to involve a lot of your mind and feelings. The best thing to do when a car starts to skid of if you're boating in rapid waters is to not overreact. Be gentle and react as the situation arise and flow through it. No need to be weird and hostile but no need to overcompensate and try and do more than what's your role and responsibility unless you're up for it.

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08-26-2012, 09:22 PM
  #177
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Yes.

My mom and my dad have been separated for about two years. It's been a struggle financially, and mentally, but things have gotten much better. My mom has had two long term boyfriends since. The first one, I'd rather not talk about. Nothing traumatizing, but just not a good time. Second one, awesome. I like him more than my birth father, quite honestly, who's a complete hardhead. My mom's current BF would go around the earth for us.

If you need advice, I can help.
same here only I hate my mother's bfs. she chooses lazy bums. I make more money in a day because I'm actually employed >_<

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Old
08-26-2012, 09:27 PM
  #178
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Here is a list of things I got from the internet:

1. Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
2. Tell your child together with your spouse.
3. Keep things simple and straight-forward.
4. Tell them the divorce is not their fault.
5. Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
6. Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
7. Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child.

Here is me

1. I get back from vacation with my grandparents, and it already happened
2. Due to number one, obviously, no
3. Don't know
4. Not applicable, ince I'm not like 5
5. "Everything will be the same" the biggest lie in history
6. They never even showed me love before the divorce
7. Whenever my dad is talking about something negative he finds ways to tie my mom into it

Some more stuff:
They completely refuse to talk to each other, causing various problems, mainly that I have no schedule. I just got to either one every day
Pretty sure using the child as a messenger is considered the biggest mistake
My dad's girlfriend is okay, but since she's here, she's become the 1s, 2nd, 3rd, all the way 20th most importnat person to him. I've become irrelevant

Honestly, my only hope right now is to deal with this ******** for another 3 years, and get the **** away when I go to college

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08-26-2012, 09:29 PM
  #179
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Originally Posted by JCresty View Post
An American going to Ka-Na-Da for a trip! This is unheard of!
For me, I can travel to just about anywhere in Canada and it will still feel like less of a vacation compared to a 30 minute drive into Seattle
Not a trip, I'm living in Canada as of this moment.

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Old
08-26-2012, 09:34 PM
  #180
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Oh, another two important points

1. I still have no idea why on earth it happened. There never really appeared to be a reason, and when I asked, I got two stupid answers

2. I'm actually my dad's second child, the first being with his first wife, and my mom being his second (meaning he's now moving to his third )
My half-sister (she's about 5 years older than me) were always really good friends, as were she an my mom. She lives in Europe, and always went on vacation with us. After the first time we spent the month with my dad's new girlfriend, she disappeared (not criminally or anything, but she cut herself off from us)
Not only do I still have no idea how she is, but obviously there has to be a reason (coming from the new girlfriend)

Gosh, my life stories are so confusing

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:16 PM
  #181
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Originally Posted by Bipolar View Post
Here is a list of things I got from the internet:

1. Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
2. Tell your child together with your spouse.
3. Keep things simple and straight-forward.
4. Tell them the divorce is not their fault.
5. Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
6. Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
7. Do not discuss each otherís faults or problems with the child.

Here is me

1. I get back from vacation with my grandparents, and it already happened
2. Due to number one, obviously, no
3. Don't know
4. Not applicable, ince I'm not like 5
5. "Everything will be the same" the biggest lie in history
6. They never even showed me love before the divorce
7. Whenever my dad is talking about something negative he finds ways to tie my mom into it

Some more stuff:
They completely refuse to talk to each other, causing various problems, mainly that I have no schedule. I just got to either one every day
Pretty sure using the child as a messenger is considered the biggest mistake
My dad's girlfriend is okay, but since she's here, she's become the 1s, 2nd, 3rd, all the way 20th most importnat person to him. I've become irrelevant

Honestly, my only hope right now is to deal with this ******** for another 3 years, and get the **** away when I go to college
Pretty ****ed up, quite honestly. What I get from this is that they're putting their needs ahead of yours, and that's not a good thing - my dad does that.

My story is simple. Mom and dad got into a fight, my dad punched my mom in the face and stormed out. They haven't lived together since. They talk, because they have to (legal stuff and all), but they hate each other. I 100% side with my mom because my dad is a sociopath with no rational thinking skills whatsoever. I'm living with my dad now but I'm going back with my mom in a fgew days, thankfully, and to the town where all my friends are.

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:19 PM
  #182
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Oh, another two important points

1. I still have no idea why on earth it happened. There never really appeared to be a reason, and when I asked, I got two stupid answers

2. I'm actually my dad's second child, the first being with his first wife, and my mom being his second (meaning he's now moving to his third )
My half-sister (she's about 5 years older than me) were always really good friends, as were she an my mom. She lives in Europe, and always went on vacation with us. After the first time we spent the month with my dad's new girlfriend, she disappeared (not criminally or anything, but she cut herself off from us)
Not only do I still have no idea how she is, but obviously there has to be a reason (coming from the new girlfriend)

Gosh, my life stories are so confusing
Sad story man, but chin up dude. It is important to note however that it is not your fault. You also have to understand that your parents are people too and are dealing with this the way they need to deal with it, and unfortunately it comes at the expense of others. Don't get me wrong, from what it sounds like obviously they could have handled it better and in a more respectable manner with you, but that's just how things go sometimes.

I'm not here to take your parents side or anything, just when situations arise (even in ones that include me) I always try my hardest to play devil's advocate and do my best to put myself in other people's shoes and empathize to the best of my ability. I've found the best way to settle arguments or mis-communications is to try and look through the eyes of the other party, and it works for me.

Try and get in touch with your sister, via email or Facebook, whatever you can. I bet another set of eyes close to the situation will do nothing but help.

Plus, you've always got your HF Bros here too!

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:23 PM
  #183
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Originally Posted by Zenith View Post
Pretty ****ed up, quite honestly. What I get from this is that they're putting their needs ahead of yours, and that's not a good thing - my dad does that.

My story is simple. Mom and dad got into a fight, my dad punched my mom in the face and stormed out. They haven't lived together since. They talk, because they have to (legal stuff and all), but they hate each other. I 100% side with my mom because my dad is a sociopath with no rational thinking skills whatsoever. I'm living with my dad now but I'm going back with my mom in a fgew days, thankfully, and to the town where all my friends are.
Well, at least I don't have the moving problem since they're both in Queens. The problem is, I don't side with either
I feel much closer to, and would rather live with my grandparents. The problem there is that all 4 are in Austria

Maybe I'll finally talk to a school counselor this year

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08-26-2012, 10:27 PM
  #184
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Originally Posted by Bipolar View Post
Well, at least I don't have the moving problem since they're both in Queens. The problem is, I don't side with either
I feel much closer to, and would rather live with my grandparents. The problem there is that all 4 are in Austria

Maybe I'll finally talk to a school counselor this year
Well, I'd say talk to your parents about living with your grandparents, but considering they're in Austria, it may be and probably is a bit too much, especially at the moment. Any other relatives in the area you'd prefer to stay with so you don't get dragged through the mud?

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:27 PM
  #185
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Try and get in touch with your sister, via email or Facebook, whatever you can. I bet another set of eyes close to the situation will do nothing but help.
Well, I've been contemplating that for a while. Since you think it's a good idea, I just did it. Friend request, and a message with "?"

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:28 PM
  #186
Cresto
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Not a trip, I'm living in Canada as of this moment.
Wait, I can't remember if its you but.... you're the gentleman that lives in Oakville right?

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:30 PM
  #187
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Well, I've been contemplating that for a while. Since you think it's a good idea, I just did it. Friend request, and a message with "?"
Good luck, hopefully she responds and you guys can help each other out. But it's also important to note if she doesn't respond and seems like she's just trying to remove herself from the family for a little and get herself straight, don't take it personally.

I'm going to shut up now because I have no experience in this regard. But I hope I helped a little bit

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:32 PM
  #188
Kreider
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Well, I'd say talk to your parents about living with your grandparents, but considering they're in Austria, it may be and probably is a bit too much, especially at the moment. Any other relatives in the area you'd prefer to stay with so you don't get dragged through the mud?
Nah. My whole family is from Austria (I'm an Austrian citizen, and moved when I was 7)

Only me and my parents are in America. In fact, we don't even have a greencard (though we should be getting it soon) so we're only here on my dad's work Visa which makes everything even more complicated. They're not legally divorced yet, because they need to be married for me and my mom to even get the Visa. Seriously, everything about my life has gone to **** since I moved to America. Land of opportunity?

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:46 PM
  #189
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This thread is so depressing. Feel sorry for all you guys with family trouble.

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:52 PM
  #190
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Zenith, Bipolar, ThatCrazyRangerFan, let's all go get some frozen yogurt together sometime then share a 4 person bike and bike through central park

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Old
08-26-2012, 10:53 PM
  #191
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Zenith, Bipolar, ThatCrazyRangerFan, let's all go get some frozen yogurt together sometime then share a 4 person bike and bike through central park
I can't bike.

Would rather talk a stroll.

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Old
08-26-2012, 11:07 PM
  #192
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Let me tell you some other things about my mom

You know how they always say not to worry about your weight and looks when your young?
Well, my mom sees it differently. The only time she cares about me is when she says I'm fat, and tells me I should lose weight... (I'm not even fat . Used to be 180 of fat, now it's 200, but that's from gaining muscle)

And how about this: according to her, isn't normal for a teenager to be up till midnight. She's right, during vacation they stay up till about 4. During the school year, it's 100% normal. I won't say it's healthy or not, but if 100% of people do it, that sounds pretty "normal"

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08-26-2012, 11:12 PM
  #193
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Your mom is living in a world of ideals. And, quite frankly, sounds like a self-centered jerk, from that other bit.

The reality is that most teenagers stay up past 12AM - personally, I go to sleep between 11-1, but this year, it'll more than likely be later than that a few days. Also, at least you're not my weight - I'm 6', 250 (been losing for about a few months, was 320 at a certain point). Your mom should be supporting you, not just saying "oh you need to lose weight".

I feel bad for you...I'm lucky to have the mom I do.

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Old
08-26-2012, 11:13 PM
  #194
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I've actually found a good way to describe my life. Life is like a test, and I've come to question that I get stuck on.

One of the answers is suicide or something like that, which I luckily know is the wrong one.
After that, I don't know what the right choice is, and I'm afraid of making any choice in fear of making the wrong one

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08-26-2012, 11:15 PM
  #195
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Wait, I can't remember if its you but.... you're the gentleman that lives in Oakville right?
Yep. Perhaps, I should change my flag from USA to Canada so people may remember.

Edit: Doesn't feel right.

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Old
08-26-2012, 11:18 PM
  #196
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Your mom is living in a world of ideals. And, quite frankly, sounds like a self-centered jerk, from that other bit.

The reality is that most teenagers stay up past 12AM - personally, I go to sleep between 11-1, but this year, it'll more than likely be later than that a few days. Also, at least you're not my weight - I'm 6', 250 (been losing for about a few months, was 320 at a certain point). Your mom should be supporting you, not just saying "oh you need to lose weight".

I feel bad for you...I'm lucky to have the mom I do.
My parents really contrast each other
My mom always cares for me (except not in a loving sort of way), and always want me to be and expects me to be perfect. Thing is, if I didn't always have to deal with all the problems she causes me, I could be much closer to perfect. Heck, I fought the sadness from the separation through eating, so really, she wants me to fix something that she caused.

My dad, just doesn't care (though he buys me stuff, including our Rangers season tickets)

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08-26-2012, 11:19 PM
  #197
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Yep. Perhaps, I should change my flag from USA to Canada so people may remember.

Edit: Doesn't feel right.
The flag is supposed to show your country of origin. Be proud!

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08-26-2012, 11:21 PM
  #198
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The flag is supposed to show your country of origin. Be proud!
I'd keep it Serbian then.

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08-26-2012, 11:23 PM
  #199
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My parents really contrast each other
My mom always cares for me (except not in a loving sort of way), and always want me to be and expects me to be perfect. Thing is, if I didn't always have to deal with all the problems she causes me, I could be much closer to perfect. Heck, I fought the sadness from the separation through eating, so really, she wants me to fix something that she caused.

My dad, just doesn't care (though he buys me stuff, including our Rangers season tickets)
I know that feel, so let me tell you from experience - the food makes it 10x worse. If you can, be with friends as often as possible. I used to be a binge eating pile of depression until about a year ago, and thank god i changed. I'm healthier and happier than ever.

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08-26-2012, 11:38 PM
  #200
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I know that feel, so let me tell you from experience - the food makes it 10x worse. If you can, be with friends as often as possible. I used to be a binge eating pile of depression until about a year ago, and thank god i changed. I'm healthier and happier than ever.
Well, my grandparents are coming in a few days. I'll see if they can help me. After that, school counselor it is, followed by whatever (hopefully good) help he can give me.

Worst case scenario where I would leave my parents, I would have people to fall back on. At the top of that list (at least in my opinion) is personal friend Marian Gaborik, so it wouldn't be bad at all

I've got more stories to tell next time, including how this stopped me from becoming a pro-soccer player, or world renown genius (both of which were quiet possible)

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