Alternate Universe -- The What Would Be Happening Thread

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 06:59 PM

Great goal by Alfie there!!!

Right over the shoulder of Price. 1-0 Ottawa!!!! Great breakout pass by Karlsson, glad we have him...

But sheesh, these refs have been horrible.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:02 PM

How the **** is that not a penalty?

Why the **** is Auger still a ref in this league?

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:04 PM

Suddenly, Agent Michael Scarn bursts through the roof with Salma Hayek on his back.

He lands on the ice with a great "Kathunk!"

At that point, my wife Faye Valentine, the famous adult actress, came out of the kitchen and pleased me intellectually for hours.

I then poop gold, which is edible, and feed it to the impoverished nation of South-North America on the great continent of Detroit.

My orangutang Clyde and I then go ice skating and play checkers while skydiving.

Then the famed warlord Ghandi turns to me and say:

"And frankly, my dear, do you speak it, mothafukka?"

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:04 PM

If this Maxwell House commercial comes on ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna flip.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

Suddenly, Agent Michael Scarn bursts through the roof with Salma Hayek on his back.

He lands on the ice with a great "Kathunk!"

At that point, my wife Faye Valentine, the famous adult actress, came out of the kitchen and pleased me intellectually for hours.

I then poop gold, which is edible, and feed it to the impoverished nation of South-North America on the great continent of Detroit.

My orangutang Clyde and I then go ice skating and play checkers while skydiving.

Are you sure you're watching TSN?

WasTeD · 10-11-2012, 07:07 PM

What would we be happening? Threads like these wouldnt exist

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:09 PM

That was offside.

Thank God Andy was on top of that from the getgo.

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:11 PM

Damn.

Gomez with the snipe.

He is flying out there this year.

Karlsson really needs to stop falling down out there.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

Damn.

Gomez with the snipe.

He is flying out there this year.

Karlsson really needs to stop falling down out there.

Can't believe he scored in the first game of the year.

If you asked me last year where he'd be right now, I would've guessed buried in the minors in Hamilton.

Props to him I guess, but that sucks right before the end of the 1st period.

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manked

Can't believe he scored in the first game of the year.

If you asked me last year where he'd be right now, I would've guessed buried in the minors in Hamilton.

Props to him I guess, but that sucks right before the end of the 1st period.

hilarious because Gomez scored again!

Gomez: 2 Ottawa: 1

We need a Luke Schenn-type to stop Scott tonight...

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

hilarious because Gomez scored again!

Gomez: 2 Ottawa: 1

We need a Luke Schenn-type to stop Scott tonight...

Thank God the goal got disallowed for occurring 25 seconds after the end of the first period.

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manked

Thank God the goal got disallowed for occurring 25 seconds after the end of the first period.

Due to the nature of the non-goal, a brawl breaks out.

The Tea Party sees this violence and they are absolutely appalled. They use their connections to ban the NHL for a year. Games will resume October 11th, 2013.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

Due to the nature of the non-goal, a brawl breaks out.

The Tea Party sees this violence and they are absolutely appalled. They use their connections to ban the NHL for a year. Games will resume October 11th, 2013.

The NHL and NHLPA appeal, and the ruling is overturned.

Stay tuned for the 2nd period.

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manked

The NHL and NHLPA appeal, and the ruling is overturned.

Stay tuned for the 2nd period.

As is required by NHL law, Nickelback comes out to play a set during the 1st intermission. They rock so hard that they literally solve world hunger.

The second period starts, but Jason Spezza is nowhere to be seen. He is locked in the bathroom stall, crying and banging on the walls because coach Clouston wouldn't let him bring his pot-belly pig on the bench.

Gomez scores to make it 2-1.

Minister of Offence · 10-11-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

Damn.

Gomez with the snipe.

He is flying out there this year.

Karlsson really needs to stop falling down out there.

Take it back.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

As is required by NHL law, Nickelback comes out to play a set during the 1st intermission. They rock so hard that they literally solve world hunger.

The second period starts, but Jason Spezza is nowhere to be seen. He is locked in the bathroom stall, crying and banging on the walls because coach Clouston wouldn't let him bring his pot-belly pig on the bench.

Gomez scores to make it 2-1.

OMG WHEN DID THEY BRING CLOUSTON BACK????

Whoever made that decision needs to get fired.

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manked

OMG WHEN DID THEY BRING CLOUSTON BACK????

Whoever made that decision needs to get fired.

It was GM Clouston's idea.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

It was GM Clouston's idea.

What the hell happened to Murray? Is he alive?

**IDWTTFETLAS** · 10-11-2012, 07:28 PM

I must say, I'm glad Clouston brought back Picard into Ottawa. Looks like a true #2 to compliment EK out there.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:29 PM

They say "I ain't even mad", and they're right.

I'm ****ing furious.

**Classless Manked** · 10-11-2012, 07:30 PM

Scores!!!! Turret!!!

EDIT: ****, they're going upstairs. Doesn't look good.

GK · 10-11-2012, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The OttoMan Lion

It was GM Clouston's idea.

I hate how Eugene Clouston decided to hire him... He's been brutal.

The OttoMan Lion · 10-11-2012, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSilfverBullet

I must say, I'm glad Clouston brought back Picard into Ottawa. Looks like a true #2 to compliment EK out there.

Yeah it's too bad Cowen got so badly concussed when he was clipped by a 747 this summer. He'll probably never play again

I also really like Clouston's team rule that players must only marry other players on the team. It will make for a much for closely-knit locker room.

As I'm saying this, Gomez scored again. 3-1 Habs. This looks like it's about to get out of hand, especially because Alfredsson retired after the 2nd period so he could play for the Toronto Marlies, "his real hometown".

Erik Karlsson · 10-11-2012, 07:32 PM

Subban just tried knocking Karlsson in the stanchion but knocked himself out. Habs players rushing to him. While rushing to him Gomez felt and broke his knee.

GK · 10-11-2012, 07:32 PM

Ahhh! Smith got destroyed in that fight. We need to bring Konopka back.