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Lady Advice Thread XXXI: A woman needs love

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11-29-2012, 03:37 AM
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Lexicon
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Lady Advice Thread XXXI: I should come up with a better title.

Discuss.




Part 1: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=553809
Part 2: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=573790
Part 3: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=584157
Part 5: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=626703
Part 6: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=667425
Part 7: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=699230
Part 8: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=718672
Part 9: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=737412
Part 10: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=755972
Part 11: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=777107
Part 12: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=799080
Part 13: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=831978
Part 14: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=874537
Part 15: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=916753
Part 16: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=964947
Part 17: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=973821
Part 18: http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=993753
Part 21: http://hfboards.hockeysfuture.com/sh....php?t=1081939
Part 22: http://hfboards.hockeysfuture.com/sh....php?t=1112863
Part 23: http://hfboards.hockeysfuture.com/sh....php?t=1143785
Part 24
Part 25
Part 26
Part 27
Part 28
Part 29
Part 30


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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmbt
It'd be a short book. It really boils down to just a few things I keep repeating:

1) Have self-respect, don't be a pushover, don't let yourself be mistreated. If you don't like yourself, forget girls for a while and go work on some things. And no girl's worth it if she makes you feel like crap.

2) Have enough respect for her to take no for an answer. Trying again later is better than being pushy/clingy/desperate; persistence can change a girl's mind, but only when it's spread out. But there's nothing you can do to "make" someone fall in love with you 100% of the time, you can only maximize your chances.

3) Don't put anyone on a pedestal. If you haven't dated her, you probably don't know her as well as you think. She may be cool, but there's other cool women out there. You didn't somehow find the only Helen of Troy without anyone else noticing. Why commit to one girl before you're even in a relationship? Don't let your life revolve around someone you're not even dating yet.

4) Be honest/direct whenever possible. If you're deep in the friends zone, it's your own damn fault for not having been open and honest with her about your intentions from the start. Hinting or half-assing it is a recipe for failure. If you show up, show up to play, don't keep one foot on the sidelines.

5) The friends zone is not hopeless, I've gotten out of it before. But doing nothing won't "save the friendship," it'll just grind you down until you can't take it anymore and you have to make a move for your own sanity. There's nothing noble about pining away hopelessly for someone. It's more noble to try even if you fail. Make your play, live with the results either way. Often you can save the friendship after rejection by taking a break from each other anyway.

6) Don't be afraid of rejection. Can't score goals if you won't take a hit. Any guy who gets 10 times as many women as you has probably gotten rejected 20 times as often.

7) "Maybe" = "No" until further notice. Treat them as such.

So there's my book ... how much do I get paid?

8) Someone who could potentially be "The One" will make sense both to your heart AND your head. Not just one or the other. No matter how crazy about someone you are, if they're not good to/for you, move on.

Okay, new rule:

9) **** Facebook. Texting is only marginally better, but still sucks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexicon
When it comes to girls, I fully believe a good majority of girls are immature, spoiled, narcissistic, materialistic and artificial creatures until around 23. Then they begin to smarten up a bit. Until then, a majority of them are complete jerks. (Guys, we're no better in a lot of ways - but we're talking about the other gender here )

I used to be a club promoter. I learned the club/bar atmosphere. I read The Game . Although I laugh at a lot of the pickup lines and don't necessarily agree with everything, I will say that what Voodoo Child/Rizer has said is true. How do I know? I've done it. Act confident, neg the target (playful insults), never act like the status quo, in effect - treat girls like crap - carefully. Act different - the peacock affect. This works.

You see a cute girl on the train and want her? Ask her out. Act confident when doing it. If you catch a girl looking at you? Never look away, hold their gaze and smile. Looks don't matter as much, but that doesn't excuse you from looking like crap. Look decent, you don't have to go all out with colognes and crap - that might help your game a bit - but not as much as confidence.

Walk into a bar. Have a confident swagger, almost arrogant. Immediately engage a group of girls and ask if their having fun, then walk away. If they call back, respond by something clever "Oh I wasn't looking for anything long term". The girl has a boyfriend? Who cares. Response should be automatic.."then why isn't he here now"...or the killer "oh it must be nice to be in a perfect relationship". Never buy drinks. Put on an image that you could you wanted to, but rarely buy a girl a drink.

Never call back the next morning, you don't want to create an emotional situation.

Quote:
Rules of Picking Up...
1) No girl is special. We're all human, we all have flaws. And yes, all of us have broken this rule.

2) Practice. Practice. Practice. As Voodoo said, talking to girls isn't something that is developed over World of Warcraft. Being charming, seductive, yet mysterious and non serious are some of the elements I have developed over time. It's taken work. How do you practice? Talk to any female - regardless of age. Talk to your teacher - make her like you. Talk to an older women, talk to the barista that serves you coffee and make it your personal goal to make her laugh. Keep talking to them until you are comfortable. Awkwardness is very noticeable and very unattractive.

3) Body Language. More than 80% of communication is non verbal. It's what you do with her hands. It's your facial expression. It's your tone. Let's go over some key parts:

a) The Hands: Never ever move too fast. Your home base is just above her ass when you lead her. When initializing touch use a little game of palm reading to grab her hand. Be soft, gentle. Never be pushy. Placing your hand on her shoulders, or brushing away her hair. Escalation in touching is done with the hands. When telling a story ensure you use hand expressions for better communication.

b) The eyes. They reveal all. Make sure you make eye contact and hold it. Ensure she looks away first. This is about confidence. There's a certain mysterious look you can attempt with your eyes, should you ever learn it - it is very beneficial. Wink playfully - in the right circumstance it can be fun. Again, you have to try it out to know what circumstance I am talking about. Practice makes perfect. Casually glance around the room as she is talking to you to make her know that you could be talking to anyone else at that moment, and she is just another random wanting to talk to you.

c) The face: Smile, except not like an idiot. The smile I am talking about is a wry smile, slightly lifting the right muscles. Never full out laugh, you are there to make her laugh, and you stay calm, cool and collected.

d) Posture: shoulders back, up straight. You are the man, you command the room. I usually slide a bit to one leg, because I am lazy but find a posture that works for you. Head up though, never slouch. It's game time, and you are ready for the action

e) Attitude: Nonchalant. Not serious. Confident. Project this all.

4) Never text first. Why should you waste your time communicating with her? If she wants you, she'll communicate. She'll pop out an IM. Who cares if she doesn't ever text to you? There's always a new girl, always a new number. If this becomes your attitude, you will never single out one girl and text her. Responses are short and sparse. Why? You have better things to do.

5) Late. Arranging a date...be 10 minutes late and make up an excuse that elevates your status level. Woman are artificial - remember this. If you can create a false impression of importance - you are one step ahead of them.

6) Style. Yeah, I am one who will always say Looks are the least important. However, don't look like an idiot. Nice haircut, dress a bit stylish. If you have no idea what to wear, find out. Match things. I personally have a style - huge fan of scarves

7) Accessories. Scarves I actually originally used to wrap around the girl and lasso her in, now I just like wearing them . Use something to make you unique in a club or bar should you attend these venues. Fake nerdy glasses, pink gay glasses, a Staples "easy button" are just some of the accessories I have used. One of my favourite lines is making eye contact, approaching, putting on the "hmmm" posture, then snapping my fingers and saying "I know what's missing". Then I pull out my glasses, place them on her, dust her shoulders off and say now your a superstar, and can be seen with me.

8) Practice. You're not going to wake up and be good with girls. It's something that has to be practiced, eventually it will become second nature to you and any girl you talk to will be attracted to you.

9) Read about anything. Know about anything. If you can talk about any interest in the world that a girl may have, the better it is. It expands the amount of girls you can converse with. Conversation skills should be practiced. Can you maintain a conversation? Can you discover her likes/dislikes and capitalize? Basically, know a bit about everything

10) Lastly guys, I cannot stress this enough. Live your life the way to be successful. Live for yourself. Don't live for another person that doesn't care about you, will mistreat you, and will eventually hurt you.


Rules on Relationships

I think we should differentiate something here:

If you just want to get laid, then there is a method and formula to follow. If you put the right ingredients together, you'll end up with a smile on your face. Getting laid is actually easier then most people think.

If you want a relationship, that is completely different. Real relationships take time, effort and a lot of work. Relationships should not be based on anything physical, and honestly I would recommend not sleeping with the girl for 3 months (or the guy) if you actually want to date seriously and develop something. Every relationship is different.

Another thing that differentiates a relationship from "getting laid" is the game factor. You shouldn't have a "gameplan". It should all be natural. Both actors in the relationship should be who they are because if you're actually serious - you don't want to have a "gameplan" or pretend to be something you're not for the rest of your life - most likely this relationship is doomed to fail.

Also realize this. Girl should not be the focus of your life. I am dropping my experiences simply because I am focused on a career and building a solid life in the early part of my life. Focus on your career, focus on school when you are young. Don't cry about one girl. Don't focus on one girl. They are not worth it for a long, long time. If a girl wants you, they will treat you well. They will not blow you off. They will not stop communicating or respond after a few days. They will not treat you like garbage.

My lady advice? Build your life without thinking of including a girl in it. It will eventually come, probably when you are 26 - 30. Until then, you have work to do.

My observations, flame on.




Last edited by slocal: 11-29-2012 at 04:35 AM. Reason: Please, do. And a clean one while you're at it.
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11-29-2012, 03:40 AM
  #2
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Thought I would start one of these.

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11-29-2012, 03:44 AM
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Also would like to begin with some good advice from the other thread:

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Originally Posted by optimus2861 View Post
Lots of other girls out there. You are under no obligation whatsoever to knuckle under to any particular girl. If you're genuinely unhappy with this girl, dump her and find someone better.

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11-30-2012, 02:38 AM
  #4
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Lady Advice Thread XXXI: A woman needs love

Just like you do.....



Continue but don't cross the line.

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11-30-2012, 02:40 AM
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Didn't realize the thread was coming to an end so here's the post I just posted in the last one so it didn't get bypassed...


I've lurked this thread long enough, and I think its time that I get some feedback regarding this predicament I'm in. Typical met girl in class kind of story, but with this one I'll tell the whole thing just give some background (Warning:Long). Now it starts at the beginning of the semester, I sat next to some girl on the first week cause I thought she was cute, now before I did anything she comes up to me asking me my name, introducing herself, giving me her email, so I'm thinking ok cool now I kind of have an "in" normal class banter etc. Now things carry on as normal till one day she starts talking to me how she thinks she left her phone with her sister, she kept going on and on so I just offered for her to call it using my phone to see if she would pick up. Now mind you I actually did this just as a friendly gesture I wasn't sure I thought more of her than being cute, she calls, a week later I notice she starts sitting all the way across class so I just thought that's weird and carried on...
One month later of her sitting away from me I get a random text from some number I did not recognize, it was her "Why do you sit next to those people?" I'm oblivious at this point it had been a month I didn't save the number so I'm looking around and she then says "its so and so btw :p". At this point I'm like nice back in the game, but I think to myself did she really dig through a months worth of call history to find my number? That's odd... On to next week she comes back to sitting right next to me and talking to me.
At this point you know we talk here and there, but she flat out tells me "I don't check my phone that often so if I don't respond don't worry " I think to myself that's cool I'm still kinda shy and I'm mainly texting her about class so it's not like shes avoiding me asking her out. Some days she texts me a lot smilies all over the god damn place, I'm just responding normally, I wouldn't expect some classmate to be sending some flirtatious texts with smilies unless they might be interested. So i start to flirt back everything's cool. Some days she dosn't respond for a while now I'm not hanging by the phone, I just find it strange she sends some flirtatious texts and I respond and it takes hours if not a day....
Now fast forward through the same old back and forth, we talk a lot in class she tells me shes in a band so she says I should go catch a show... I'm like nice I'm getting closer...but the her texting methods are strange cant quite wrap my head around it.
Finally the problem, this last week I felt it was time to man up so I told her how It was really cool getting to know her and how she seems like a really cool girl, she reciprocates saying how she likes talking to me, and how she finds me cool as well and I tell her semester coming to an end how about you and I hang out some time, she agrees telling me I have her number to just let her know, now this was Tuesday and I was stoked, so I had been busy and I haven't talked to her since then but I saw her in class today, and she totally was being real short with me, just acting strange.... so in a moment of weakness I should have just left it, but I text her asking "Just out of curiosity, have I done something wrong?" she responds with a "Idk, did you." I just responded that I wasn't sure what she meant but I haven't gotten a response since.... I was supposed to go to her show tonight, but I didn't thought it would've been awkward.

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11-30-2012, 02:56 AM
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Sounds crazy. Walk away.

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11-30-2012, 02:59 AM
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Yeah this girl is so hot and cold, I don't know what to think especially after today.

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11-30-2012, 03:24 AM
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Wow. Weird.

Just out of curiosity, how old are you? I mean, i am 25 and seems like forever when it was "normal" to have social relationships handled mainly by texting. Or maybe i am just weird.

You definitely should have gone to watch her show tough. I think it is borderline rude to leave out after you promise to be there.

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11-30-2012, 03:53 AM
  #9
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I'll give you my take, but remember it's just the humble opinion of one guy who doesn't know a thing about either of you. First off. she sounds a little emotionally immature. If you're okay with that and want to pursue her nonetheless, keep reading. Otherwise just cut your ties and chalk her up as a lost cause. There are plenty of fish in the sea after all.




She wanted you to make a move for three months and you didn't. Then, you finally say "we should hang out sometime", which made her expect you to make that move by asking her out on a legitimate date. She got overcommitted to her expectation, so she (wrongly, I imagine) interpreted your lack of an immediate response as a mini rejection. She, in turn, reciprocated that perceived rejection by giving you the cold shoulder.

I'm inclined to believe you're still in if you want it, but now you're going to have to work for what was essentially handed to you on a platter. Don't tell her you were too busy to make those plans to hang out with her, because women always expect that you'll make time for them. Instead, tell her you were suffering from some temporary shyness (sounds very plausible in your case) and didn't know what to say to her, but you have to be assertive and immediately follow up on this by asking her on an actual date.

You can only really pull this off if you get the assertive aspect down. If you come across as weak/beta she'll continue to act like you wronged her in some dire way, and all you'll get is that cold shoulder. Women love the notion that they make guys shy around them, but they absolutely hate it when guys they're interested in actually act shy around them. So tell it, sell it, but don't show it, if that makes sense. Hope everything works out, but at this point you might as well just be carefree about it and let go of any hopes/expectations for her, regardless of whether or not you decide to follow up.

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11-30-2012, 04:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StringerBell View Post
I'll give you my take, but remember it's just the humble opinion of one guy who doesn't know a thing about either of you. First off. she sounds a little emotionally immature. If you're okay with that and want to pursue her nonetheless, keep reading. Otherwise just cut your ties and chalk her up as a lost cause. There are plenty of fish in the sea after all.




She wanted you to make a move for three months and you didn't. Then, you finally say "we should hang out sometime", which made her expect you to make that move by asking her out on a legitimate date. She got overcommitted to her expectation, so she (wrongly, I imagine) interpreted your lack of an immediate response as a mini rejection. She, in turn, reciprocated that perceived rejection by giving you the cold shoulder.

I'm inclined to believe you're still in if you want it, but now you're going to have to work for what was essentially handed to you on a platter. Don't tell her you were too busy to make those plans to hang out with her, because women always expect that you'll make time for them. Instead, tell her you were suffering from some temporary shyness (sounds very plausible in your case) and didn't know what to say to her, but you have to be assertive and immediately follow up on this by asking her on an actual date.

You can only really pull this off if you get the assertive aspect down. If you come across as weak/beta she'll continue to act like you wronged her in some dire way, and all you'll get is that cold shoulder. Women love the notion that they make guys shy around them, but they absolutely hate it when guys they're interested in actually act shy around them. So tell it, sell it, but don't show it, if that makes sense. Hope everything works out, but at this point you might as well just be carefree about it and let go of any hopes/expectations for her, regardless of whether or not you decide to follow up.
Nicely put. I wrote basically this same thing, a bit shorter tough, but never posted it.

I guess the girl is just shy/insecure/immature and has high expectations about how you should handle the situation. Ask her out, but do it casually and make sure you don't put too much pressure on her. Otherwise i think she will fold and you will end up in the same situation again.

I think.

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11-30-2012, 08:09 AM
  #11
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Bump bump bump

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11-30-2012, 08:17 AM
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You have already handed her all control in the situation. Your first mistake was allowing her access to use your phone. Phones aren’t free, and you really should have consulted with your local wireless expert to determine possible ‘roaming’ implications before considering her request.

At this point, you only have one option.

If you haven’t already, determine airtime charges that may have been applied to your cellular phone account when she placed a call for her ‘misplaced’ phone- a common ruse created to gain access to your telephone number, credit rating, and other sensitive materials. The next time you see her in class, flirtatiously pass her a note that states ‘We should speak after class’. This phrase should be accompanied by some sort enticing emoticon. After class, be prepared to speak first. Do not assume she will take the lead- as a female, she will be naturally passive until you give her a reason to act otherwise. Confront her with your most recent wireless bill. Explain how hard you work for your things, how you demand just as much respect as she does, and also outline any possible legal ramifications for what MAY be considered ‘unauthorized use’ depending on the ‘consent’ laws in your particular state/county. Demand financial restitution plus punitive damages, and be firm that until the matter is resolved (either between you two or via Judge Joe Brown), a personal relationship would be inappropriate and possibly illegal.

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11-30-2012, 08:24 AM
  #13
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Okay I'm going to post in this thread because I've been reading it a while.

So I had this female friend for the last few months that I've been friends with and I like and we talked and texted and **** and hungout once at a fair with her siblings and ****, and I have a few other guy friends who are friends wwith her and talk to her during this. So we talk and **** and I like her and she starting telling me about how much she hates guys and all her past relationships have been crap and doesn't want to date guys and how its her and not the guy (at this point she doesn't know I like her and this isnt her way of getting me to make a move, I know this for a fact) so this basically comes up everything we talk and I'm just thinking like okay whatever I'm not going to make a move we'll just be friends.

So im completely fine just being friends (tbh don't think I'd want to date her anyway to much drama) and one day I end up telling her I like her, and I try to make it a point that i just still want to be friends. Now **** goes to hell and she gets pissed off as **** at my and my friends she knows and all this crap and I have no clue why and I try to apologize but I don't know why shes mad.

Now before all this ever happened, she has anothere guy friend I know who liked her and told her, she said no to him and he got mad, she didn't, he got over it and their still friends.

So back to the story, i tell her i'm sorry and If she wants to keep being friends, she can text me, I won;t text her. She texts me one day and says all this crap about how I make her cry and how she got to close to me and my friends so i'm like sorry and yeah we just let it at that.

I don't know what I did and why shes mad but I think now may she knew I liked her all long and it was a big game to her. Though her friends have come up to me saying that shes crying in class.

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11-30-2012, 08:32 AM
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Okay I'm going to post in this thread because I've been reading it a while.

So I had this female friend for the last few months that I've been friends with and I like and we talked and texted and **** and hungout once at a fair with her siblings and ****, and I have a few other guy friends who are friends wwith her and talk to her during this. So we talk and **** and I like her and she starting telling me about how much she hates guys and all her past relationships have been crap and doesn't want to date guys and how its her and not the guy (at this point she doesn't know I like her and this isnt her way of getting me to make a move, I know this for a fact) so this basically comes up everything we talk and I'm just thinking like okay whatever I'm not going to make a move we'll just be friends.

So im completely fine just being friends (tbh don't think I'd want to date her anyway to much drama) and one day I end up telling her I like her, and I try to make it a point that i just still want to be friends. Now **** goes to hell and she gets pissed off as **** at my and my friends she knows and all this crap and I have no clue why and I try to apologize but I don't know why shes mad.

Now before all this ever happened, she has anothere guy friend I know who liked her and told her, she said no to him and he got mad, she didn't, he got over it and their still friends.

So back to the story, i tell her i'm sorry and If she wants to keep being friends, she can text me, I won;t text her. She texts me one day and says all this crap about how I make her cry and how she got to close to me and my friends so i'm like sorry and yeah we just let it at that.

I don't know what I did and why shes mad but I think now may she knew I liked her all long and it was a big game to her. Though her friends have come up to me saying that shes crying in class.

Posted in both xxxi threads so I get advice no matter which dies.

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11-30-2012, 08:33 AM
  #15
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Little while back I posted about getting together with my ex since we both moved to Toronto.

Anyway, we ended up getting together recently, I took her out for some drinks at a bar near her place to catch up. So things went really well talking with her and it seemed like there was maybe something there between us still. Things were going great. I think it's worth pointing out that she made it clear she hadn't met a lot of people or been doing too much crazy stuff(considering she's really outgoing).

So we get back to her place and eventually I made a move and we get down.

I'm a happy guy when I fall asleep. She's up before me working on some stuff so I get up and get kind of a cold response. I really wasn't sure how to react so I just kept my distance and wanted to see how things played out. Anyway, so i got basically nothing from her, we didn't talk at all about what happened until I was leaving, and what she said that it was unexpected and needed to process it, which I agreed with(really wasn't expecting to get laid) and so I asked if she'd want to see each other again sometime and her response was kind of wishy-washy but I can see us getting together again.

What's confusing me is her reception in the morning. Usually the morning after sex it doesn't feel awkward to even touch that person, but it did with her. I mean, I'm not looking for a relationship again right now, but I do have feelings for her and want to see her again, but I'm wondering what I was to her or what she wants?

Was it a mistake on her part? Just some drunken sex? Why the cold shoulder?I think it's been a while for her, so maybe just needed some?

I was tempted to text her but didn't. A few days have gone by and I feel good about myself and I'm not fretting too much over this girl, but it's just really confusing to me. I'm moving forward telling myself not to get attached, do my own thing, who cares if it was just a fling...

Still ****ing with my head though.

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11-30-2012, 08:36 AM
  #16
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Originally Posted by MrFunnyWobbl View Post
Okay I'm going to post in this thread because I've been reading it a while.

So I had this female friend for the last few months that I've been friends with and I like and we talked and texted and **** and hungout once at a fair with her siblings and ****, and I have a few other guy friends who are friends wwith her and talk to her during this. So we talk and **** and I like her and she starting telling me about how much she hates guys and all her past relationships have been crap and doesn't want to date guys and how its her and not the guy (at this point she doesn't know I like her and this isnt her way of getting me to make a move, I know this for a fact) so this basically comes up everything we talk and I'm just thinking like okay whatever I'm not going to make a move we'll just be friends.

So im completely fine just being friends (tbh don't think I'd want to date her anyway to much drama) and one day I end up telling her I like her, and I try to make it a point that i just still want to be friends. Now **** goes to hell and she gets pissed off as **** at my and my friends she knows and all this crap and I have no clue why and I try to apologize but I don't know why shes mad.

Now before all this ever happened, she has anothere guy friend I know who liked her and told her, she said no to him and he got mad, she didn't, he got over it and their still friends.

So back to the story, i tell her i'm sorry and If she wants to keep being friends, she can text me, I won;t text her. She texts me one day and says all this crap about how I make her cry and how she got to close to me and my friends so i'm like sorry and yeah we just let it at that.

I don't know what I did and why shes mad but I think now may she knew I liked her all long and it was a big game to her. Though her friends have come up to me saying that shes crying in class.
Gonna ask a question.

How do you know she didnt know you liked her?

I ask because this seems to be a common comment in situations like yours.

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Old
11-30-2012, 08:37 AM
  #17
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Originally Posted by Lonny Bohonos View Post
Gonna ask a question.

How do you know she didnt know you liked her?

I ask because this seems to be a common comment in situations like yours.
She could have but I didn't say it or didn't hit on her/flirt/make it obvious.

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11-30-2012, 10:02 AM
  #18
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Also would like to begin with some good advice from the other thread:
Sweet, I made the front page!

And given my track record with women up until a couple years ago, that sure seemed like a hell-freeze-over thing!

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11-30-2012, 10:14 AM
  #19
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I don't know what I did and why shes mad but I think now may she knew I liked her all long and it was a big game to her. Though her friends have come up to me saying that shes crying in class.
Might be the opposite. She didn't think you liked her all along, but now you say you did, which throws all of your past interactions together into a new light and potentially is weirding her right out. Some time in the past when you were nice to her -- was it because you were being friendly or because you wanted to get down with her? Have you been pretending to like her or pretending to be her friend? She doesn't have a clue now when you're being genuine and when you're not. You don't even have a clue either from the sound of it - so you maybe like her but don't want to date her but maybe just want to be friends? Stop trying to straddle all sides of the fence!

Beta-male wishy-washy "do I like her or just want to be her friend" behaviour is a big no-no, and it's not uncommon to see it provoke strong negative reactions in girls when they find out. Either man up & go for it at your earliest opportunity, or move on to another girl.

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11-30-2012, 01:08 PM
  #20
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Is DeflatedFootball still around?

Dude, you gotta be honest with me, were you just ****ing with us with that story about the girl kicking you out and then her roommates yelling at you? Because that story doesn't make any ******* sense.

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Old
11-30-2012, 02:32 PM
  #21
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I'll give you my take, but remember it's just the humble opinion of one guy who doesn't know a thing about either of you. First off. she sounds a little emotionally immature. If you're okay with that and want to pursue her nonetheless, keep reading. Otherwise just cut your ties and chalk her up as a lost cause. There are plenty of fish in the sea after all.




She wanted you to make a move for three months and you didn't. Then, you finally say "we should hang out sometime", which made her expect you to make that move by asking her out on a legitimate date. She got overcommitted to her expectation, so she (wrongly, I imagine) interpreted your lack of an immediate response as a mini rejection. She, in turn, reciprocated that perceived rejection by giving you the cold shoulder.

I'm inclined to believe you're still in if you want it, but now you're going to have to work for what was essentially handed to you on a platter. Don't tell her you were too busy to make those plans to hang out with her, because women always expect that you'll make time for them. Instead, tell her you were suffering from some temporary shyness (sounds very plausible in your case) and didn't know what to say to her, but you have to be assertive and immediately follow up on this by asking her on an actual date.

You can only really pull this off if you get the assertive aspect down. If you come across as weak/beta she'll continue to act like you wronged her in some dire way, and all you'll get is that cold shoulder. Women love the notion that they make guys shy around them, but they absolutely hate it when guys they're interested in actually act shy around them. So tell it, sell it, but don't show it, if that makes sense. Hope everything works out, but at this point you might as well just be carefree about it and let go of any hopes/expectations for her, regardless of whether or not you decide to follow up.
Appreciate the detailed response, right now I could walk away, but this is really intriguing to me. I always felt that I acted in a different manner than I have with other girls in the past, I led most of the conversations, I felt comfortable, confident, but maybe I got to complacent and waited a tad to long. Now your second part about asking on an actual date this time, I just wouldn't want to get caught in the trap of having her think that I have already asked. I feel like I can approach this confidently, but I wouldn't know how to take it from the "lets hang out sometime." to "lets go out." especially after yesterday and the way she was acting.

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11-30-2012, 02:56 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by MrFunnyWobbl View Post
Okay I'm going to post in this thread because I've been reading it a while.

So I had this female friend for the last few months that I've been friends with and I like and we talked and texted and **** and hungout once at a fair with her siblings and ****, and I have a few other guy friends who are friends wwith her and talk to her during this. So we talk and **** and I like her and she starting telling me about how much she hates guys and all her past relationships have been crap and doesn't want to date guys and how its her and not the guy (at this point she doesn't know I like her and this isnt her way of getting me to make a move, I know this for a fact) so this basically comes up everything we talk and I'm just thinking like okay whatever I'm not going to make a move we'll just be friends.

So im completely fine just being friends (tbh don't think I'd want to date her anyway to much drama) and one day I end up telling her I like her, and I try to make it a point that i just still want to be friends. Now **** goes to hell and she gets pissed off as **** at my and my friends she knows and all this crap and I have no clue why and I try to apologize but I don't know why shes mad.

Now before all this ever happened, she has anothere guy friend I know who liked her and told her, she said no to him and he got mad, she didn't, he got over it and their still friends.

So back to the story, i tell her i'm sorry and If she wants to keep being friends, she can text me, I won;t text her. She texts me one day and says all this crap about how I make her cry and how she got to close to me and my friends so i'm like sorry and yeah we just let it at that.

I don't know what I did and why shes mad but I think now may she knew I liked her all long and it was a big game to her. Though her friends have come up to me saying that shes crying in class.
Are u in highschool still? Regardless, the girl is nutty. Any girl saying she's been treated like crap in every relationship should be avoided at all costs.

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Old
11-30-2012, 03:01 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by Forty View Post
Little while back I posted about getting together with my ex since we both moved to Toronto.

Anyway, we ended up getting together recently, I took her out for some drinks at a bar near her place to catch up. So things went really well talking with her and it seemed like there was maybe something there between us still. Things were going great. I think it's worth pointing out that she made it clear she hadn't met a lot of people or been doing too much crazy stuff(considering she's really outgoing).

So we get back to her place and eventually I made a move and we get down.

I'm a happy guy when I fall asleep. She's up before me working on some stuff so I get up and get kind of a cold response. I really wasn't sure how to react so I just kept my distance and wanted to see how things played out. Anyway, so i got basically nothing from her, we didn't talk at all about what happened until I was leaving, and what she said that it was unexpected and needed to process it, which I agreed with(really wasn't expecting to get laid) and so I asked if she'd want to see each other again sometime and her response was kind of wishy-washy but I can see us getting together again.

What's confusing me is her reception in the morning. Usually the morning after sex it doesn't feel awkward to even touch that person, but it did with her. I mean, I'm not looking for a relationship again right now, but I do have feelings for her and want to see her again, but I'm wondering what I was to her or what she wants?

Was it a mistake on her part? Just some drunken sex? Why the cold shoulder?I think it's been a while for her, so maybe just needed some?

I was tempted to text her but didn't. A few days have gone by and I feel good about myself and I'm not fretting too much over this girl, but it's just really confusing to me. I'm moving forward telling myself not to get attached, do my own thing, who cares if it was just a fling...

Still ****ing with my head though.
It sounds like you are getting attached. The minute you have to convince yourself youre not getting attached...you probably are. She probably feels the same way. You have to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship with her or let her go. You'll be in for an emotional rollercoaster if you try to keep things just physical.

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Old
11-30-2012, 03:33 PM
  #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dubi Doo View Post
Are u in highschool still? Regardless, the girl is nutty. Any girl saying she's been treated like crap in every relationship should be avoided at all costs.
Yes highschool and to the other guy, no I don't want a relationship.

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Old
11-30-2012, 03:35 PM
  #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dubi Doo View Post
Are u in highschool still? Regardless, the girl is nutty. Any girl saying she's been treated like crap in every relationship should be avoided at all costs.
good point actually as well.

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