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Sabres at Hurricanes: Here's Your God Damn Police Report Edition-Sabres at Hurricanes

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:00 PM
  #1
Sad King Jimmy
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Sabres at Hurricanes: Here's Your God Damn Police Report Edition-Sabres at Hurricanes




The Story So Far



Buffalo has been in the league forever, naturally, being a small town in Alberta. The team continues to draw sellout crowds despite being buried in 15 feet of snow year round, a feat that no professional hockey team based in Raleigh, NC can boast. Little is know about the citizens of the city, but there is one thing we can confirm: They travel south of the border, searching for women to steal. It's said that the women of the town are unfit to breed with, leading to this disgusting practice of abduction. As this is a home game, be alert, hide you wifes, hide yo kids, since there will be many Buffolonian men on the prowl for a mate.

Also, the Sabres have recently begun playing in nearby Pegulaville, where the arena manager has personally guaranteed Multiple. STANLEY. CUPS.

FUN FACT:Former Sabres player and color commentator Jim Lorentz is a native of Ontario, and is currently working on a book about salmon fishing!



Raleigh is a town in the deep south, more know for it's strong tradition of ritualistic human sacrifice before NASCAR races than anything else. The local ice hockey team was stolen in a sickening way from the noted hockey utopia Hartford, Connecticut. It remains the only professional team in state history to win a championship. Ultimately there are very few local fans, most preferring chewing tobacco and meth use to watching a "stickpuck match" as hockey games are known locally.

FUN FACT:The Buffalo Sabres are the only franchise the Carolina Hurricanes have never made a trade with!

A brief history of sports in Buffalo:











A brief history of sports in Carolina:











FUN FACT:Tonight is Family Night, College Night, AND a Sabres game. Expect lots of children, of the small and screaming, drunk, and bitter varieties!


Key players for the Sabres







Key players for the Canes






FUN FACT:One cannot spell Sabër without resorting to foreign characters due to whiny Sabêr fans whining about people misspelling Sabres. My many petitions to Admin Chainshot asking that all instances of Stall being auto-corrected to Staal have so far gone ignored.

The Venue: PNC ARENA


(Moments after the 06 cup "win")



Lineups




Tlusty-E.Staal-Semin
Skinner-J.Staal-Dalpe
Bowman-Jokinen-LaRose
Dwyer-Brent-Westgarth

Faulk-Gleason
Pitkanen-McBain
Sanguinetti-Harrison


Ward
Ellis

Stormy as the mascot







Thomas Vanek-Cody Hodgson-Jason Pominville
Marcus Foligno-Tyler Ennis-Drew Stafford
Nathan Gerbe-Mikhail Grigorenk -Steve Ott
John Scott-Jochen Hecht-Patrick Kaleta

Robyn Regehr-Tyler Myers
Christian Ehrhoff-Alexander Sulzer
Jordan Leopold-Andrej Sekera

Jhonas Enroth
Ryan Miller

Slugy as the mascot



FUN FACT: Jeff Skinner dives!


And since this GDT was put together in the South, it's only appropriate that we end in a prayer

Our Anton, Who art in Calgary
Hallowed be Thy Stick;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
in Raleigh as it is in Kiev.
Give us this day our daily meth,
and forgive us our overdoses,
as we forgive those who play hockey really well against us;
and lead us not into defeat,
but deliver us from Buffalo. JFWP, AMEN.



Last edited by Sad King Jimmy: 01-24-2013 at 01:28 PM.
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Old
01-23-2013, 11:02 PM
  #2
Head Goose
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I just opened this thread, and I've already lost it.


Bravo, sir. Bravo.

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:09 PM
  #3
Novacane
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Well done.

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:09 PM
  #4
dma0034
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Wow Carolina's 2 threads for gdt are pretty awesome

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:11 PM
  #5
Anton Dubinchuk
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Positively superb, good sir.

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:47 PM
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DaveG
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... oh god... this will either be epic or will not end well... I'd hate to be a mod for thi... wait...


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Old
01-23-2013, 11:50 PM
  #7
Anton Dubinchuk
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Don't do it, Dave. Don't do it.

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:54 PM
  #8
DaveG
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well the beer in me is saying "let's see how this plays out", and the kidney stone in me is saying "drink more beer you ****ing *****"... always listen to the kidney stone.

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Old
01-23-2013, 11:58 PM
  #9
loobarlow
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Inactive players during lockout

How many players did we have who were inactive during the lockout?

I just read an article that said only 2 Flyers players were as such. That was a surprisingly low number.

EDIT: Just read the original past. Bravo.

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Old
01-24-2013, 12:06 AM
  #10
Novacane
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Well, we had Ellis, Dalpe, Bowman, Boychuk, Faulk, Welsh and Sangs in Charlotte. Tlusty in Czech league. Jokinen on and off in Finland. Semin in KHL. McBain for a while in Finland. So on our roster, somewhere around 12 (Staals, Ward, Skinner, Brent, Dwyer, LaRose, Westgarth, Corvo, Gleason, Harrison, Pitkanen) depending on who's in the lineup. Ruutu left out because of surgery, but would be on the list of inactives.

Someone can fact check me on this. Half awake right now.

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Old
01-24-2013, 12:16 AM
  #11
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HAHAHA this is awesome

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Old
01-24-2013, 12:42 AM
  #12
ClearedButNotOut
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Awesome stuff!!

Well done!

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Old
01-24-2013, 12:43 AM
  #13
loobarlow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Novacane View Post
Well, we had Ellis, Dalpe, Bowman, Boychuk, Faulk, Welsh and Sangs in Charlotte. Tlusty in Czech league. Jokinen on and off in Finland. Semin in KHL. McBain for a while in Finland. So on our roster, somewhere around 12 (Staals, Ward, Skinner, Brent, Dwyer, LaRose, Westgarth, Corvo, Gleason, Harrison, Pitkanen) depending on who's in the lineup. Ruutu left out because of surgery, but would be on the list of inactives.

Someone can fact check me on this. Half awake right now.
I thought that might be the case. I'll follow up too if I can find a listing of all teams.

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Old
01-24-2013, 01:10 AM
  #14
Carolinas Identity
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We must rescue The Anton. The local media here constantly makes fun of him

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01-24-2013, 01:11 AM
  #15
tarheelhockey
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GDT posted at 12:00am exactly. Well played.

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01-24-2013, 01:39 AM
  #16
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driving down atm, what do all those burning t's on the side of the 1 stand for? Tlusty?

e: My friend's been yapping at me about "The Mecca Restaurant." y/n?

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01-24-2013, 04:10 AM
  #17
SCanedinavian
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Well played, sir.

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Old
01-24-2013, 04:16 AM
  #18
Oenatzu
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Awesome

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Old
01-24-2013, 05:35 AM
  #19
garnetpalmetto
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Awesome GDT! Here's hoping the Canes play to match the awesomness of it tonight. As I'm under the weather I'll be watching it from home - as this is one of the three SportsSouth games, how can I tune in? (As in what channel *is* Sportssouth. I don't think I've ever seen it before)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bucky Gleason View Post
driving down atm, what do all those burning t's on the side of the 1 stand for? Tlusty?

e: My friend's been yapping at me about "The Mecca Restaurant." y/n?
No. It's one of those "local legend" sort of places that gets by on its name alone (along with Big Ed's City Market Restaurant). It's one of those small local Southern restaurants where at one time power brokers and politicians would cut deals over their blue plate specials and that's about all that's notable about the Mecca. You can have much better food elsewhere. I'd recommend Chuck's (burgers), Beasley's Chicken + Honey (down home cooking featuring chicken and waffles), Sitti (Lebanese), Gravy (Italian), Busy Bee (kind of eclectic/new American), Raleigh Times (pub grub), The Pit (BBQ) or Centro (Mexican) LONG before I'd recommend Mecca.

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Old
01-24-2013, 06:13 AM
  #20
BabchukCanon
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Sweet my l33t photoshop skills made this GDT! I'm a part of history in the making!


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01-24-2013, 06:38 AM
  #21
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The Antons don’t love Mike Card? The Antons ain’t got no love for Mike Card… and Buffalo? Y’all don’t love us? Y’all don’t love us? Well, let it be known then… we all know y’all North Carolina. We know the faulk we at. NC in the motherfaulking house.

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01-24-2013, 06:54 AM
  #22
tarheelhockey
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This game already has the vibe of a total gong show.

I heard a rumor that it's Souvenir Switchblade Night.

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Old
01-24-2013, 07:10 AM
  #23
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Don't forget tonight's guest in-game host, and special guest linesmen:


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01-24-2013, 07:25 AM
  #24
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This is Hurricanes-season thus far. Hopefully it'll be better after tonight...

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Old
01-24-2013, 07:53 AM
  #25
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I stole her, but gave her back. You can keep her.

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