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Old
02-04-2013, 04:08 PM
  #26
ChiTownHawks
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If I were you I would run now, or at least let her know how important hockey is to you and if that is not something she can live with then maybe you are not the right match.

I'm 31 now and started playing when I was 28. At that point I had already been married for 2 years, but my wife had always been understanding of my outside interests.

At first I started off playing once a week and then I upped that to 2 and at times it is 3 times a week. My wife and I have an agreement that I can play 2 times a week no questions asked. 3 times requires a check in with her to see if we have anything going. If I try to sneak in a fourth then I get ****. I have a 9 month old son and when I start to hear comments like, "you have hockey again this week, do you ever want to spend time with your son?" Then I know I have taken advantage of a very understanding wife and I better back off a bit.

An example of when my schedule came to head just happened: I had a game on Friday night, one on Saturday afternoon, and I have one tonight, and I was supposed to have an Instructional Class tomorrow. Well she has a work dinner that she wants me to go to tomorrow and since I've already been playing so much I'm skipping the class without even seeing if she would be cool with me missing the dinner. She might be cool with it but it is not worth risking it at this point.

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02-04-2013, 04:22 PM
  #27
SJGoalie32
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Maybe I just have to face to sad reality that it's just too much hearing/being around someone who plays/talks hockey for her? (I don't think she hates it, but thinks it's ok at best and only saw 1 game in person before I met her) She's originally from a small town where 90% of the people probably don't even know how to hold a stick properly.
My wife had never been to a hockey game before I met her. She went at first just because she loved me and wanted to support me. Eventually, she started to enjoy watching the games (both mine and the pros).

About a year or so into our relationship, I signed us both up for a beginner hockey class. She got to learn how to skate, stickhandle, etc., and I got to go back to basics (plus as a goalie, I got to start learning how to be a forward from scratch). It was incredibly fun for the both of us to be on the ice together.....though admittedly moreso for me since I was thrilled skating with her and she was too busy just trying to figure out how to transition to backwards skating without falling down. If nothing else, it at least gave her a much greater understanding of what was going on on the ice. But she eventually loved it enough to even join a hockey league with me, and now she's not only a fan for life, but hockey is a major part of our relationship. It's more than just a sport, it's something we have bonded over.

Now, you certainly don't need to get your girl out on the ice to have a successful relationship (although I highly recommend it if you can), but if this is going to be as important a part of your life as it seems to be for many of us, than whatever girl you end up with long-term needs to be a whole lot more than just "okay" with your passion.

As the noted relationship guru Chris Rock says, whatever you're into, you're woman has to be into as well or it just won't work.

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02-04-2013, 04:49 PM
  #28
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I'm married with a kid and it doesn't bother my wife that I play twice a week (floor & ice). In fact, she's happy that I'm out getting exercise. Most of my games are late anyways, so I still get to spend lots of time with the family.

Certain life events will take priority over hockey... Anniversaries, Feb 14th, Birthday's, Kid's events, etc. but if she's not wanting you to go at all, then you have to ditch her.

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02-04-2013, 05:07 PM
  #29
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You too? But yeah.. it's amazing how much of a difference learning to communicate with women can make compared to just winging it.

I mean if she asks "how was your day?" and you say "fine." and that's the end of it.. that's gonna be a problem if it already isn't. You probably learned that the hard way, too, eh? Couple that with your buddy asking about your game and you go off for 20 minutes...

That's why I said the time/money may not be the true underlying issue. Might have to do some digging.
Well she was a lying, cheating ______ .... but we had a kid so tried to "make it work". Waste of time and money, but I got a little more aware of myself I guess. Current girlfriend = low maintenance, truthful, honest .... normal!

But still I'm a guy and I get lazy and selfish and will pop a beer and watch hockey for three hours before realizing she spent all day getting her hair done and picking out some outfit so she could look pretty even just sitting on the couch and I feel sheepish and finally pay attention to her

Really I think that's a big part of it. Women don't always like to come out and say something, they want the guy to say it or figure it out. Maybe it's hard wired in the biology? Not all women of course.

But "we should spend more time together" might not mean physically spending more time together. That can be funny Guy says "well, we spend six days a week together!" But it's not about the actual time, it might be "you don't pay enough attention to me" or "you need to be more emotionally invested in me" or something.

Sure it works both ways too, just don't know how

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02-04-2013, 05:10 PM
  #30
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Met my wife when I was a Local Linesman in St. Paul for the WHA. She was working for the Minnesota Fighting Saints. I also did a lot of reffing in Amateur, College and High School Hockey. I would be working 4-5 nights a week and also at times be out of town on weekends. I Never had a problem with her and my hockey schedule. We will be married 37 years this Valentines Day.

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02-04-2013, 05:29 PM
  #31
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Originally Posted by mbhhofr View Post
Met my wife when I was a Local Linesman in St. Paul for the WHA. She was working for the Minnesota Fighting Saints. I also did a lot of reffing in Amateur, College and High School Hockey. I would be working 4-5 nights a week and also at times be out of town on weekends. I Never had a problem with her and my hockey schedule. We will be married 37 years this Valentines Day.
Jealous, but, that's way cool.

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02-04-2013, 05:29 PM
  #32
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Originally Posted by Jarick View Post
Well she was a lying, cheating ______ .... but we had a kid so tried to "make it work".
oh yeah? me too! *high five*

All the girls I'm seeing now are fully aware that hockey isn't something to do but that it's a lifestyle. No problems*so far*.

Ironically, the one that gets it the most also doesn't want to have anything to do with it. Her kids play, her ex played and even ran a league. She said she'd like to date someone that has no idea what hockey is and see what that's like.

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02-04-2013, 06:26 PM
  #33
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For what it worth, I've never said, that she couldn't come and watch me play and even suggested, that she come to keep score, if they would let her, on the games that I ref. She has come to a few of my games/pickups, but 80-90% of them, she says, no thanks.


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02-04-2013, 10:53 PM
  #34
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I know that my ex wife felt like she had to be in competition with everything in my life. I gave up hockey in an attempt to salvage things big big mistake
now as an old fart hockey player I have learned that I will never understand why women do what they do

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02-04-2013, 11:06 PM
  #35
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Met my now wife when I was coaching the local ladies team so she knows the score about hockey.

She also knows that hockey is my escape & stress reliever! If I don't play I get really cranky so she understands that I need to play hockey.

It works out well.

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02-04-2013, 11:15 PM
  #36
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I asked mine to come to my first league game. They said sure. Never called, never showed up. We're not dating anymore.

Though to be fair, this was the last straw in a large hay bale of disrespect and neglect.

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02-05-2013, 07:13 AM
  #37
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I've also had SO's where it was an issue. It might not be the time as much as it is the passion/excitement. I don't mean sexually. I just mean in general. I had a SO that felt that she had to compete with hockey. I'd always get excited if the hockey came up in conversation and that bothered her because I don't excited about much of anything at all let alone anything she was passionate about.
I believe that this is the root of the problem in most cases.

When my wife and I started dating, I was is in the middle of an 11 games in 16 nights stretch. I wasn't very available between working, playing hockey, and resting. She was very understanding and I thought "I've got a keeper!"

I was right about that part, but eventually her patience started to wear thin. Once the season ended I was still on the ice at least once a week, I was spending time at the workbench cutting sticks and making other adjustments to my gear, I was out in the garage shooting pucks, etc. There was an expectation that once the season was over, I would devote all of that attention to her. When that did not happen it defintely caused some problems. I had explained when we first got together that hockey was very much a lifestyle for me, but I think that got lost in translation. It usually gets treated like my cute little hobby.

I'm still very happily married, but everyday I have to work at finding a balance. I wish there was a secret to this that I could share with everyone, but there isn't one. Make sacrifices; I watch stupid Bravo and E! shows during the week so that I can watch Hockey Night In Canada guilt free. I make sure she is aware of what days games are scheduled so that she can plan her girls outings while I'm at hockey; this is a win-win because I'm off the hook on those days and that also means we don't have anything planned during our time together. The main thing is reminding yourself what is really important in your life. When I come home to find a new piece of gear in the mail, I feel like an excited little kid that just wants to play with a new toy, but I set it down, act uninterested, and ask her how her day was. It's little things like that that will go a long way.

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02-05-2013, 10:50 AM
  #38
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Originally Posted by SJGoalie32 View Post
My wife had never been to a hockey game before I met her. She went at first just because she loved me and wanted to support me. Eventually, she started to enjoy watching the games (both mine and the pros).

About a year or so into our relationship, I signed us both up for a beginner hockey class. She got to learn how to skate, stickhandle, etc., and I got to go back to basics (plus as a goalie, I got to start learning how to be a forward from scratch). It was incredibly fun for the both of us to be on the ice together.....though admittedly moreso for me since I was thrilled skating with her and she was too busy just trying to figure out how to transition to backwards skating without falling down. If nothing else, it at least gave her a much greater understanding of what was going on on the ice. But she eventually loved it enough to even join a hockey league with me, and now she's not only a fan for life, but hockey is a major part of our relationship. It's more than just a sport, it's something we have bonded over.

Now, you certainly don't need to get your girl out on the ice to have a successful relationship (although I highly recommend it if you can), but if this is going to be as important a part of your life as it seems to be for many of us, than whatever girl you end up with long-term needs to be a whole lot more than just "okay" with your passion.

As the noted relationship guru Chris Rock says, whatever you're into, you're woman has to be into as well or it just won't work.
You're lucky, as am I with a similar story. I had been playing for about 10 years before I met my wife. At some point early in our relationship I quit playing altogether, not really sure why. Out of the blue one day she said she wanted to learn to play, and be on a team with me. Fast forward 5 years later, I'm back to playing 3 times a week, she's playing 3 times a week, and one of those nights we're on the same team. We also have a little one who we will try to get to join the hockey family when she's old enough. We also watch every single game for our local team (Stars), either live or on DVR after our games. Hockey is a major part of our lives and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

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02-05-2013, 11:10 AM
  #39
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Originally Posted by leftwinger37 View Post
I'm still very happily married, but everyday I have to work at finding a balance. I wish there was a secret to this that I could share with everyone, but there isn't one. Make sacrifices; I watch stupid Bravo and E! shows during the week so that I can watch Hockey Night In Canada guilt free. I make sure she is aware of what days games are scheduled so that she can plan her girls outings while I'm at hockey; this is a win-win because I'm off the hook on those days and that also means we don't have anything planned during our time together. The main thing is reminding yourself what is really important in your life. When I come home to find a new piece of gear in the mail, I feel like an excited little kid that just wants to play with a new toy, but I set it down, act uninterested, and ask her how her day was. It's little things like that that will go a long way.
Yep, gotta make compromises. Life pre- and post-family is very different. Not a bad thing though because you gotta grow up sometime, and having responsibilities and obligations outside yourself is rewarding.

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02-05-2013, 11:44 AM
  #40
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I believe that this is the root of the problem in most cases.

When my wife and I started dating, I was is in the middle of an 11 games in 16 nights stretch. I wasn't very available between working, playing hockey, and resting. She was very understanding and I thought "I've got a keeper!"

I was right about that part, but eventually her patience started to wear thin. Once the season ended I was still on the ice at least once a week, I was spending time at the workbench cutting sticks and making other adjustments to my gear, I was out in the garage shooting pucks, etc. There was an expectation that once the season was over, I would devote all of that attention to her. When that did not happen it defintely caused some problems. I had explained when we first got together that hockey was very much a lifestyle for me, but I think that got lost in translation. It usually gets treated like my cute little hobby.

I'm still very happily married, but everyday I have to work at finding a balance. I wish there was a secret to this that I could share with everyone, but there isn't one. Make sacrifices; I watch stupid Bravo and E! shows during the week so that I can watch Hockey Night In Canada guilt free. I make sure she is aware of what days games are scheduled so that she can plan her girls outings while I'm at hockey; this is a win-win because I'm off the hook on those days and that also means we don't have anything planned during our time together. The main thing is reminding yourself what is really important in your life. When I come home to find a new piece of gear in the mail, I feel like an excited little kid that just wants to play with a new toy, but I set it down, act uninterested, and ask her how her day was. It's little things like that that will go a long way.

Ha, ha, try watching something like the Bachelor , to "show" that I can watch "her" shows to and not just hockey 24/7, lol.
Actually, if you put your mind, in the "how pathetic this s**t is" while you watch it, it's actually funny and entertaining.

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02-05-2013, 11:51 AM
  #41
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I just leave the room when she's watching her shows. I don't expect her to watch hockey with me...usually she's just reading on the couch nearby. But man I can't hack Greys Anatomy and I will just crack jokes the whole time during her shows and tick her off...

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02-05-2013, 12:38 PM
  #42
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I just leave the room when she's watching her shows. I don't expect her to watch hockey with me...usually she's just reading on the couch nearby. But man I can't hack Greys Anatomy and I will just crack jokes the whole time during her shows and tick her off...
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Ha, ha, try watching something like the Bachelor , to "show" that I can watch "her" shows to and not just hockey 24/7, lol.
Actually, if you put your mind, in the "how pathetic this s**t is" while you watch it, it's actually funny and entertaining.
The bane of my existance is The Real Housewives of ________. I do not understand what is entertaining about a bunch of rich, bored housewives who pretend to be friends but secretly hate each other and sabotage each other at every turn. That's where I have to draw the line and head for basement.

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02-05-2013, 12:52 PM
  #43
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I can't hack any of those reality shows. Pawn shops, cupcake makers, housewives, whatever. And my wife loves every *&^#$% one of 'em.

I got her hooked on Sons of Anarchy, so we at least have something to watch together

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02-05-2013, 12:59 PM
  #44
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I just leave the room when she's watching her shows. I don't expect her to watch hockey with me...usually she's just reading on the couch nearby. But man I can't hack Greys Anatomy and I will just crack jokes the whole time during her shows and tick her off...
Oh man, I do the same thing, and my GF gets so ticked off. To "get back at me" she asks questions nonstop about what's going on during a hockey game.

Fast forward the timeline a bit and now she understands the game and many of its intricacies. I have a keeper on my hands when she wants to change the channel because "dump and chase is so damn boring to watch."

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02-05-2013, 02:13 PM
  #45
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I want to say it's not just a woman problem! My husband has had the same issues some of the GF/wives have.

I started playing in April. At first it was just on Sundays. Then I added in Tuesday nights, and eventually Saturday night instructional league. Tuesday and Sat. aren't set leagues, so no biggie if I missed. I added a Monday night league in September and stopped going on Tuesdays, so 3X per week.

It was starting to really cause trouble between the two of us, but I told him that I had finally found something that I really loved to do and that was really helping me to get in shape after my last pregnancy. I would be quite upset if I had to quit doing it, and it would be the principal of the thing that bothered me most - not that I was saying it's a "hockey vs. him" sort of thing, but more the idea that he would even ask me to give up something that was fun, healthy, and that I truly loved doing.

So he started playing. We went to a Tuesday night drop-in rookie class (the one that I went to before I joined my Monday night team) and he loved it. I told him to do the 4 weeks with the free loaner equipment to see if he liked it, and if he did we would get him his own gear. Well, Tuesday night he tried it and Friday morning we were at the local store picking up gear.

Now he's joined the Sunday league that I'm in and he goes with me on Tuesday and Saturday nights. He's still not a huge fan of the Monday league (for various reasons, mostly having to do with me being a woman in a league that is almost entire male) but he's gotten to know my teammates and he plays with us on Saturday nights and sometimes at stick time. So I'm getting to play 4X per week, 3 of those with him. Our daughter is also playing now, so it's really a family thing. Our 'date nights' usually involve hockey and we love it - neither of us drink, we don't like to go out on the town, not into movies, etc...and nothing is more fun than going out on the ice together.

So it's not just a woman thing - it's a communication and understanding thing. Not everyone will be willing to try playing, but sometimes that does help things work out. In our case, he used to play when he was a little kid but never had real equipment or skates. He was surprised to find out that adult leagues exist and that there are so many people who play as adults. There are still issues from time to time, but him trying the sport and meeting the people that I play with has really helped to get through those issues. I'm sure it will never be 100% smooth sailing, but what in life is? There will always need to be compromise.

But my advice is that if you're just starting to date someone and they already start complaining, it's a huge red flag. If they are upset about you playing 2-3 times a week now, it will only get worse if you marry and have kids.

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02-05-2013, 02:33 PM
  #46
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Sounds like she might be a little insecure.

Sit down and talk to her, but if she's irrational, it wont change.

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02-05-2013, 03:04 PM
  #47
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I would be quite upset if I had to quit doing it, and it would be the principal of the thing that bothered me most - not that I was saying it's a "hockey vs. him" sort of thing, but more the idea that he would even ask me to give up something that was fun, healthy, and that I truly loved doing.
This is exactly it. If your SO is making you give up things that are good for you and make you happy, it is a problem.

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02-05-2013, 03:13 PM
  #48
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Solid post, Clown.

I will say, if "hockey" involves the evening game, post-game beers, maybe some pizza, and stumbling home at bar close multiple times per week, that's different

And yeah, that was one more thing that my ex pulled. She actually bought a bunch of roller girl stuff and pretended to be in a league so she could hang out with her boyfriend on the side.

Anyways.

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I can't hack any of those reality shows. Pawn shops, cupcake makers, housewives, whatever. And my wife loves every *&^#$% one of 'em.

I got her hooked on Sons of Anarchy, so we at least have something to watch together
Yes! We actually did watch all of Sons together, same with Walking Dead. Might try and find a new one too.

But yeah, the only "reality television" I watch is where a bunch of grown men chase after a ball or puck.

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02-05-2013, 03:21 PM
  #49
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[QUOTE=Jarick;59100421]Solid post, Clown.

I will say, if "hockey" involves the evening game, post-game beers, maybe some pizza, and stumbling home at bar close multiple times per week, that's different


Good point.

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02-05-2013, 03:21 PM
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no go on the walking dead for me sadly. My wife can't even be in the same room as stuff with zombies in it.

The weird thing is, she used to love zombie movies. But we went to see Sean of the Dead, while she was 3 months pregnant. She was practically having a panic attack, felt so bad for her. Something about the hormonal changes must have done it. But since that point, she gets irritated if I even say the word zombie. My 7 year old has found that out and runs to show her that he's playing plants vs zombies just to torment her.

My wife has been learning to play hockey, and it's beyond awesome. She gets annoyed at me sometimes because i'm so jazzed to play whenever I can, but that's just beginner-itis on my part. But she's happy I have a hobby, and I'm getting off my can and moving

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