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Round 1 Victims: Tampa Bay Lightning. (Rhetoric, Banter and Photoshop)

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Old
04-13-2014, 08:44 PM
  #1
WhiskeySeven*
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Round 1 Victims: Tampa Bay Lightning. (Rhetoric, Banter and Photoshop)

Credit to Kobe Armstrong for reminding us. Last year was funny and all the banter about Erik Karlsson not being the best, most greatest player of all time actually got to the Sens fans and now they hate us!

Banter 2014: This time it's still not personal
Pro-Habs talking points (repeat these until they're true)
  1. The Habs are the ONLY Canadian team in the playoffs. A true patriot would root for Canada.
  2. Team Canada's *STAR* Player, Carey Price, is a Hab. If you supported Team Canada in the Olympics, you'd support the Habs.
  3. One of the most underrated coaches in the league, Michel Therrien, preaches respect to all his players and gets them to play an attractive, no-frills kinda game.
  4. Great young players like Subban, Gallagher, Eller, Bournival, Beaulieu, Tinordi and Galchenyuk are relied upon for important duties at all times.
  5. Wily vets like Briere, Bourque, Bouillon and Murray bring stability to the lineup with their consistent play.
  6. Deadline acquisitions Weaver and Vanek go to show that we're truly Stanley Cup contenders
  7. Physical players like Parros, Moen, White, Emelin, Murray keep the other team on their toes and honest.
  8. Stars like Desharnais, Pacioretty, Vanek and 40goal man, Brian Gionta, can pretty much score at will. If you want high-octane hockey, you'd support the Habs

Anti-Bolts talking points (these are actually true)
  1. Steven Stamkos couldn't even make it to Team Canada, goes to show how overrated he is.
  2. Their star player and captain, Martin St-Louis, begged to be traded midway through the season. Tampa's a sinking ship.
  3. Does it even snow in Tampa Bay? Do they even have electricity in Tampa Bay? What's a Tampa, even?
  4. Overrated goalies - Ben who? Andres whom? Neither are half as experienced as our backup Peter Budaj.
  5. What kind of name is Teddy Purcell anyway??
  6. Sami Salo's going to have another hilariously inopportune injury.
  7. Ryan Malone. He just likes to swerve while he drives and carries cocaine on his person because he likes to prank the local police!
  8. John Cooper's overrated, he's only good compared to Barry Melrose. Also, he looks like a Llama apparently.

If you're ever caught in a debate, just fall back on the previous points and refuse to concede any points. Always remember the following:
  1. Every hit by the Lightning is dirty and had intent to injure
  2. Every hit by the Habs was clean and old school hockey
  3. The refs are CLEARLY biased against the Habs
  4. Bettman wants Tampa to win
  5. The Habs are obviously playing injured
  6. Stamkos' recovery was dubious, and cause for concern. The league turns a blind eye on steroid abuse.
  7. Every win by the Habs was a dominant win and it wasn't even close
  8. Every win by Tampa (yuck!) was by the skin of their teeth and the Habs woulda won if some of those bounces went our way
  9. HFBoards is against the Habs.
  10. We're the underdogs. We're always the underdogs.

The playoffs may only last a couple of weeks, we have to make the most of it. Happy posting!

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Old
04-13-2014, 08:50 PM
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Koivu777
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Amazing! This is what I call a true fan who has faith in the team no matter the circumstances, good job man!

GO HABS GO!!

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04-13-2014, 08:57 PM
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Most people here can't read, so you know your rules will go unread.

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04-13-2014, 09:02 PM
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Kobe Armstrong
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something something tampa is really st. petersburg something something russia something something kucherov

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04-13-2014, 09:02 PM
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Kobe Armstrong
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Also thank you for not being as lazy as me, whiskey

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04-13-2014, 11:39 PM
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good luck bolts, break a leg

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04-14-2014, 12:20 AM
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jeffrey loria is a great owner.

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04-14-2014, 01:29 AM
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jeffrey loria is a great owner.
Basically anything about Flordia as a whole should be a soft spot for 'em.

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04-14-2014, 01:47 AM
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kassian
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That is some fine, exquisite work right there.

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04-14-2014, 02:53 AM
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Originally Posted by kassian View Post
That is some fine, exquisite work right there.
The Playoff forum's series thread is about to reach a boiling point before Wednesday. Leafs and Bruins and Sens trolls will be quick to dismiss Montreal, always be on the offensive. Teams that missed the playoffs can't talk smack, and shouldn't. If the Sens claim they beat us last season, ask 'em why they're living in the past. The Leafs talk smack, bring up Phaneuf and Carlyle and Nonis (and... and... and...). Bruins talk smack? Responses can run the gamut: "Embellishment", Makaveli videos, youtube clips of Bostonian fans acting like morons, Thornton diving, videos of the Habs beating the Bruins, Don Cherry, videos of Bobby Orr getting injured, Bill Buckner... whatever you can find.

Tampa fans are relying on their regular season record - the response, I figure, would be to bring up their financial struggles and how we're going to fill their arena because they don't even have 10,000 hockey fans and we have some to spare.

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04-14-2014, 03:26 AM
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MasterDecoy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiskeySeven View Post
The Playoff forum's series thread is about to reach a boiling point before Wednesday. Leafs and Bruins and Sens trolls will be quick to dismiss Montreal, always be on the offensive. Teams that missed the playoffs can't talk smack, and shouldn't. If the Sens claim they beat us last season, ask 'em why they're living in the past. The Leafs talk smack, bring up Phaneuf and Carlyle and Nonis (and... and... and...). Bruins talk smack? Responses can run the gamut: "Embellishment", Makaveli videos, youtube clips of Bostonian fans acting like morons, Thornton diving, videos of the Habs beating the Bruins, Don Cherry, videos of Bobby Orr getting injured, Bill Buckner... whatever you can find.

Tampa fans are relying on their regular season record - the response, I figure, would be to bring up their financial struggles and how we're going to fill their arena because they don't even have 10,000 hockey fans and we have some to spare.
you're going full Patton right now

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04-14-2014, 07:21 AM
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This whole thing is hilarious....it is literally every troll move used, you can almost predict exactly which posts will come from which fan bases on any given day. I LOVE IT!

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04-14-2014, 07:48 AM
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The stamkos steroid one is GOLD!

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04-14-2014, 09:44 AM
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2 year old shoop:



It takes a whole new meaning these days

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04-14-2014, 10:38 AM
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Something about the stand your ground bs law in Florida maybe ?

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04-14-2014, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Moen in Glory View Post
2 year old shoop:



It takes a whole new meaning these days

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04-14-2014, 11:08 AM
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Umm, not sure I understand the concept. Is this the place where I'm supposed to post these?





(insert sarcasm smiley here)

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04-14-2014, 11:13 AM
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ZARTONK
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Lost it at the Teddy Purcell one.

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04-14-2014, 11:13 AM
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ZARTONK
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I really think we should remind other team fans that we have more Stanley Cups. You know, in case they forgot..

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04-14-2014, 11:48 AM
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Ice Poutine
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Shouldnt we merge the "Witty banter thread 2014?" with this one guys..?

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04-14-2014, 12:05 PM
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The Truth
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Is Canadian or US (small Tampa area newspaper) media aware of what happened between Teddy Purcell and former Miss Finland?

We should ruin his marriage and cripple Tampa's morale

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04-14-2014, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ice Poutine View Post
Shouldnt we merge the "Witty banter thread 2014?" with this one guys..?
That thread was dead on arrival.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Truth View Post
Is Canadian or US (small Tampa area newspaper) media aware of what happened between Teddy Purcell and former Miss Finland?

We should ruin his marriage and cripple Tampa's morale
Link!

**** the Bolts! They had their Stanley Cup Parade in their arena parking lot! They don't even know what icing is-- they've never seen ice!

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04-14-2014, 12:24 PM
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Golf courses are much closer to Tampa than to Montreal. Which means that every person who cares about environmental issues must favor the Habs.

Habs win = Good for the Planet.

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04-14-2014, 12:26 PM
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The Truth
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Originally Posted by WhiskeySeven View Post
That thread was dead on arrival.

Link!

**** the Bolts! They had their Stanley Cup Parade in their arena parking lot! They don't even know what icing is-- they've never seen ice!
All the information is in finnish. Later on she claimed they were just friends, but whatever happened during that evening ( and after party at the hotel ), hurt Mikael Granlund so badly that he had to dump her.

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04-14-2014, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by The Truth View Post
Is Canadian or US (small Tampa area newspaper) media aware of what happened between Teddy Purcell and former Miss Finland?

We should ruin his marriage and cripple Tampa's morale
they hooked up? and teddy already has a wife? im guessing?

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