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Lady Advice Thread XXX: Hey, how you doin'? (Warning in OP)
However that has nothing to do with the case at hand.
Nor is emotional empathy related to what he may or may not have done.
Its fine to feel for someone. Its another thing to assume their emotions are a response to you or that you actions are responsible for their feelings.
The emotional empathy is relevant (albeit replace 'relationship' and 'friendship' if they are indeed just friends). He realizes she was in a ****** mood and feels he may have contributed to it, but he's not sure how. Consequently, he's doing some introspection. All of that's perfectly normal.
What isn't normal is to say it's a recipe for disaster to worry or even think at all that you might have contributed to her ****** mood. Your point would've been completely reasonable had you left it as 'don't beat yourself up over it, you might not have done anything wrong'.
You know how when a girl kicks you out it's usually cause you did something stupid or said something stupid?
My friend kicked me out for just sitting there. She told me to wait for her while she cleaned up a mess she made in the kitchen. Fair enough. When she came back in she was quite angry and kicked me out without any reason. I'm sure I did something but damn I'm too confused to be upset. She invited me over to hang out, ignored me the whole time, then kicked me out. I was there maybe 15 minutes if that...What does it mean?
Nothing in his post indicates that he did anything.
She invited him over. She told him to wait. Went about her business. Came back and kicked him out without explanation. All within 15 mins.
None of that sounds remotely reasonable.
There are an infinite amount of reasons why she did this.
Maybe she had a bad day?
Maybe she just sharted in her pants?
Maybe she just got a booty call?
Maybe shes angry at something he did 5 years ago and hasnt had the maturity to discuss it with him?
etc
etc
etc
Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadianHockey
The emotional empathy is relevant (albeit replace 'relationship' and 'friendship' if they are indeed just friends). He realizes she was in a ****** mood and feels he may have contributed to it, but he's not sure how. Consequently, he's doing some introspection. All of that's perfectly normal.
What isn't normal is to say it's a recipe for disaster to worry or even think at all that you might have contributed to her ****** mood. Your point would've been completely reasonable had you left it as 'don't beat yourself up over it, you might not have done anything wrong'.
No where did I say someone should never think about what they did or didn't do.
And yes it is a recipe for disaster when quite clearly you have done nothing to elicit such a response for you to take on board the responsibility for that response.
Not to mention this kind of thought process is what makes people prone to "emotional blackmail".
Mature relationships are all about being able to empathize with how a person is feeling accept responsibility for your actions and not taking on board issues that aren't yours.
My point is completely reasonable given the circumstances the poster laid out.
Thanks for trying guys. I tried to give her some space, but I just noticed that she deleted me off of Facebook and I haven't received a text from her in days, which is crazy, because we usually text non stop. It's too bad. She was such a nice person. I wish she had told me what was wrong.
You know how when a girl kicks you out it's usually cause you did something stupid or said something stupid?
My friend kicked me out for just sitting there. She told me to wait for her while she cleaned up a mess she made in the kitchen. Fair enough. When she came back in she was quite angry and kicked me out without any reason. I'm sure I did something but damn I'm too confused to be upset. She invited me over to hang out, ignored me the whole time, then kicked me out. I was there maybe 15 minutes if that...What does it mean?
You should have helped with the mess in the kitchen. Only reason I can think of, for why she was pissed off.
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Thanks for trying guys. I tried to give her some space, but I just noticed that she deleted me off of Facebook and I haven't received a text from her in days, which is crazy, because we usually text non stop. It's too bad. She was such a nice person. I wish she had told me what was wrong.
Here's a crazy question - have you asked?
Seems like a complete 180. If she's that mad that you didn't help her in the kitchen, then you probably dodged a bullet anyway.
While I certainly agree that getting mad at someone for not helping them clean up their mess is ridiculous. I would have offered to help if it was me, I have done similar things in the past for my friends. It's just something you do for a friend.
While I certainly agree that getting mad at someone for not helping them clean up their mess is ridiculous. I would have offered to help if it was me, I have done similar things in the past for my friends. It's just something you do for a friend.
The wrong attitude is to worry about what you "did".
Considering relationships take two to tango just because someone is angry doesnt = the other person did something wrong.
Maybe shes nuts?
Maybe shes angry at herself and taking it out on you?
Spend your time worrying about why shes feeling and reacting the way she is is a recipe for disaster.
I was just joking around as most of the time women blow the smallest thing men do out of proportion so most likely he did something and she decided to react on it then and there
Thanks for trying guys. I tried to give her some space, but I just noticed that she deleted me off of Facebook and I haven't received a text from her in days, which is crazy, because we usually text non stop. It's too bad. She was such a nice person. I wish she had told me what was wrong.
Dude, ask her what's wrong. I'm seriously intrigued right now. This doesn't make sense. Did you **** one of her friends or what?
Spoke to her tonight. I sent her a text asking what was wrong. Few hours later she told me to come over and talk to her. I came over and all her roommates yelled at me and told me she wasn't home. Just as I was about to walk home, she came out and said she didn't want to talk to me. I just don't know anymore.
Spoke to her tonight. I sent her a text asking what was wrong. Few hours later she told me to come over and talk to her. I came over and all her roommates yelled at me and told me she wasn't home. Just as I was about to walk home, she came out and said she didn't want to talk to me. I just don't know anymore.
Spoke to her tonight. I sent her a text asking what was wrong. Few hours later she told me to come over and talk to her. I came over and all her roommates yelled at me and told me she wasn't home. Just as I was about to walk home, she came out and said she didn't want to talk to me. I just don't know anymore.
Don't waste your time anymore. I understand she was a good friend, but if she wants to act like a child and have her roommates hound you then don't bother. Let her come to you because I guarantee she eventually will.
I've lurked this thread long enough, and I think its time that I get some feedback regarding this predicament I'm in. Typical met girl in class kind of story, but with this one I'll tell the whole thing just give some background (Warning:Long). Now it starts at the beginning of the semester, I sat next to some girl on the first week cause I thought she was cute, now before I did anything she comes up to me asking me my name, introducing herself, giving me her email, so I'm thinking ok cool now I kind of have an "in" normal class banter etc. Now things carry on as normal till one day she starts talking to me how she thinks she left her phone with her sister, she kept going on and on so I just offered for her to call it using my phone to see if she would pick up. Now mind you I actually did this just as a friendly gesture I wasn't sure I thought more of her than being cute, she calls, a week later I notice she starts sitting all the way across class so I just thought that's weird and carried on...
One month later of her sitting away from me I get a random text from some number I did not recognize, it was her "Why do you sit next to those people?" I'm oblivious at this point it had been a month I didn't save the number so I'm looking around and she then says "its so and so btw :p". At this point I'm like nice back in the game, but I think to myself did she really dig through a months worth of call history to find my number? That's odd... On to next week she comes back to sitting right next to me and talking to me.
At this point you know we talk here and there, but she flat out tells me "I don't check my phone that often so if I don't respond don't worry " I think to myself that's cool I'm still kinda shy and I'm mainly texting her about class so it's not like shes avoiding me asking her out. Some days she texts me a lot smilies all over the god damn place, I'm just responding normally, I wouldn't expect some classmate to be sending some flirtatious texts with smilies unless they might be interested. So i start to flirt back everything's cool. Some days she dosn't respond for a while now I'm not hanging by the phone, I just find it strange she sends some flirtatious texts and I respond and it takes hours if not a day....
Now fast forward through the same old back and forth, we talk a lot in class she tells me shes in a band so she says I should go catch a show... I'm like nice I'm getting closer...but the her texting methods are strange cant quite wrap my head around it.
Finally the problem, this last week I felt it was time to man up so I told her how It was really cool getting to know her and how she seems like a really cool girl, she reciprocates saying how she likes talking to me, and how she finds me cool as well and I tell her semester coming to an end how about you and I hang out some time, she agrees telling me I have her number to just let her know, now this was Tuesday and I was stoked, so I had been busy and I haven't talked to her since then but I saw her in class today, and she totally was being real short with me, just acting strange.... so in a moment of weakness I should have just left it, but I text her asking "Just out of curiosity, have I done something wrong?" she responds with a "Idk, did you." I just responded that I wasn't sure what she meant but I haven't gotten a response since.... I was supposed to go to her show tonight, but I didn't thought it would've been awkward.
I've lurked this thread long enough, and I think its time that I get some feedback regarding this predicament I'm in. Typical met girl in class kind of story, but with this one I'll tell the whole thing just give some background (Warning:Long). Now it starts at the beginning of the semester, I sat next to some girl on the first week cause I thought she was cute, now before I did anything she comes up to me asking me my name, introducing herself, giving me her email, so I'm thinking ok cool now I kind of have an "in" normal class banter etc. Now things carry on as normal till one day she starts talking to me how she thinks she left her phone with her sister, she kept going on and on so I just offered for her to call it using my phone to see if she would pick up. Now mind you I actually did this just as a friendly gesture I wasn't sure I thought more of her than being cute, she calls, a week later I notice she starts sitting all the way across class so I just thought that's weird and carried on...
One month later of her sitting away from me I get a random text from some number I did not recognize, it was her "Why do you sit next to those people?" I'm oblivious at this point it had been a month I didn't save the number so I'm looking around and she then says "its so and so btw :p". At this point I'm like nice back in the game, but I think to myself did she really dig through a months worth of call history to find my number? That's odd... On to next week she comes back to sitting right next to me and talking to me.
At this point you know we talk here and there, but she flat out tells me "I don't check my phone that often so if I don't respond don't worry " I think to myself that's cool I'm still kinda shy and I'm mainly texting her about class so it's not like shes avoiding me asking her out. Some days she texts me a lot smilies all over the god damn place, I'm just responding normally, I wouldn't expect some classmate to be sending some flirtatious texts with smilies unless they might be interested. So i start to flirt back everything's cool. Some days she dosn't respond for a while now I'm not hanging by the phone, I just find it strange she sends some flirtatious texts and I respond and it takes hours if not a day....
Now fast forward through the same old back and forth, we talk a lot in class she tells me shes in a band so she says I should go catch a show... I'm like nice I'm getting closer...but the her texting methods are strange cant quite wrap my head around it.
Finally the problem, this last week I felt it was time to man up so I told her how It was really cool getting to know her and how she seems like a really cool girl, she reciprocates saying how she likes talking to me, and how she finds me cool as well and I tell her semester coming to an end how about you and I hang out some time, she agrees telling me I have her number to just let her know, now this was Tuesday and I was stoked, so I had been busy and I haven't talked to her since then but I saw her in class today, and she totally was being real short with me, just acting strange.... so in a moment of weakness I should have just left it, but I text her asking "Just out of curiosity, have I done something wrong?" she responds with a "Idk, did you." I just responded that I wasn't sure what she meant but I haven't gotten a response since.... I was supposed to go to her show tonight, but I didn't thought it would've been awkward.
First off wall of text.
Secondly the short version is you totally wet noodled this chick.
Secondly the short version is you totally wet noodled this chick.
What does "wet noodled" mean? Never heard that.
Anyways, girls are weird. Some will show interest but when **** gets real, they press the eject button. The girl seems really weird though. Randomly changes place, digs your number and texts you after one month. I'm guessing she changed seats to see if you would sit next to her, and when you didn't, she ended up texting you. Not sure what you did wrong for her to lose interest.
While I certainly agree that getting mad at someone for not helping them clean up their mess is ridiculous. I would have offered to help if it was me, I have done similar things in the past for my friends. It's just something you do for a friend.
Right however the poster said he should have. Like its some sort of requirement.
Not to mention this didnt sound like much of a friendship even before her about face.
Guess it depends on people personal definition of friends.
" I think to myself that's cool I'm still kinda shy and I'm mainly texting her about class so it's not like shes avoiding me asking her out. Some days she texts me a lot smilies all over the god damn place, I'm just responding normally, I wouldn't expect some classmate to be sending some flirtatious texts with smilies unless they might be interested
. So i start to flirt back everything's cool. Some days she dosn't respond for a while now I'm not hanging by the phone, I just find it strange she sends some flirtatious texts and I respond and it takes hours if not a day....
I was supposed to go to her show tonight, but I didn't thought it would've been awkward.
