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Coatesy - his commentary in 5 statements

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Old
10-21-2011, 08:40 AM
  #1
DUHockey9
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Coatesy - his commentary in 5 statements

I find myself teetering a line between not being able to stand Coatesy anymore, and just laughing at him. It drives me crazy that he literally only says 5 things.

1) "When you talk about <insert player name>, you're talking about a guy..."

for example...

"When you talk about Ilya Kovalchuk you're talking about a guy with one of the most lethal shots in the game!"

2) When recounting a goal or scoring chance, he always points to the handedness of the player as being one of the primary reasons he was able to get that chance/goal.

"Look at Giroux here. Right hand shot, stick in the middle of the ice, with all that net to shoot at!"

3) Also when recounting a goal or scoring chance, he will always point out that the goaltender went down into the butterfly and therefore, the shooter went high. News flash Coatesy, with the exception of Tim Thomas and Martin Brodeur, everybody is a butterfly goalie. Therefore, this happens almost every single time.

"Here we have Briere, who gets the pass right at the circle, and just roofs it right up over Fleury because he was DOWN IN THE BUTTERFLY!"

4) Coatesy has 1 adverb in his arsenal: "absolutely".

5) Coatesy has 1 adjective in his arsenal: "unbelievable".

Now let's have some fun combining 4 and 5, with examples 1 and 3.

"When you talk about Ilya Kovalchuk you're talking about a guy with one of the most absolutely lethal shots in the game!"

"When you talk about Ilya Kovalchuk you're talking about a guy with one of the most absolutely unbelievable shots in the game!"

"Here we have Briere, who gets the pass right at the circle, and just absolutely roofs it right up over Fleury because he was DOWN IN THE BUTTERFLY!"

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10-21-2011, 08:46 AM
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Protest
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You forgot "flat out." As in "Look at that shot. It was absolutely flat out unbelievable."

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10-21-2011, 08:50 AM
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Coatsey is the best "sideline" reporter I have ever seen.

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10-21-2011, 08:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Protest View Post
You forgot "flat out." As in "Look at that shot. It was absolutely flat out unbelievable."
oh, good one!

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Old
10-21-2011, 08:58 AM
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Protest
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Me and my buddies used to have a running joke I guess. We would just call random things "absolutely, flat out, unbelievable."

For example, (At Denny's at 2 am) "Dude, I just absolutely, flat out destroyed that Grand Slamwich."


Last edited by Protest: 10-21-2011 at 09:05 AM.
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Old
10-21-2011, 08:59 AM
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Coatsey is wasted every broadcast. You only have limited vocabulary when you've been drinking so much

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10-21-2011, 09:07 AM
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you also forgot"he keeps his head up" or the even more tantalizing " he keeps his head up all th way"

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10-21-2011, 09:07 AM
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McNasty
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Failing to include the famous phrase "I'm looking right over his shoulder" is just unacceptable

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Old
10-21-2011, 09:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrinkFightFlyers View Post
Coatsey is ABSOLUTELY the best "sideline" reporter I have ever seen.
FIFY

Didn't you learn anything from reading this thread?!?

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Old
10-21-2011, 09:22 AM
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His supposedly drunken ramblings, which he calls "commentary", are amazing. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

You also forgot where he messes up which team a player is on or which team scores. "...and Briere just roofs it to give the Dev- agrggahem the Flyers a 1 goal lead."

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Old
10-21-2011, 09:24 AM
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Bravo! The whole time reading the OP I couldn't help but hear Coatsey's excessively enthusiastic voice in my head. It's scary stuff....

Well as much as he's bad..Dorny I thought was the worst. Apart from his flying elbows that JJ had to endure in the press box when there was a fight ...I constantly couldn't stand him covering up the Flyers goalie by saying the "goalie was screened." Every damn shot the opposition took he said this. I was surprised he didn't say it in a shoot out...

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10-21-2011, 09:46 AM
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Cinerary
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Don't forget "stirring the pot."

It's Coatsey though. I'm surprised the guy is still able to make it out of his house in the morning with pants on.

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10-21-2011, 10:13 AM
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I'd much rather have drunken Coatsey than pederast Pierre down between the benches. Would you rather listen to Coatsey talk about Claude Giroux's absolutely flat out unbelievable right handed stickhandling or hear Pierre ramble about former Spokane Chief Dustin Tokarski out of Watson, Saskatchewan's save of the milennium?

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10-21-2011, 10:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinerary View Post
Don't forget "stirring the pot."

It's Coatsey though. I'm surprised the guy is still able to make it out of his house in the morning with pants on.
well, the boards do cover his lower body, so we actually don't know for sure if he's wearing pants or not

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10-21-2011, 10:47 AM
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I'll never forget when the Flyers were playing Buffalo and Rob Ray just grabbed him and lifted him against the glass like he was nothing

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10-21-2011, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McNasty View Post
Failing to include the famous phrase "I'm looking right over his shoulder" is just unacceptable
Thats my .02 as well.

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10-21-2011, 11:40 AM
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Is Coatsey good at his job? Nah, probably not. I don't care though, the guy entertains the hell out of me. I'd also much prefer him to Pierre.




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10-21-2011, 12:19 PM
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Yes, agree with you 100%. I honestly can't stand Coatesy and Jim Jackson. Jim Jackson's stupid fake laugh erritates the **** out of me.

I really wish it was just Bill Clement and Keith Jones full time.

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10-21-2011, 12:43 PM
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I wish the TV play-by-play was done by Saunders personally.

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10-21-2011, 01:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeflatedFootball7 View Post
I wish the TV play-by-play was done by Saunders personally.
I actually get annoyed when the flyers score listening to Saunders.... JJ isn't too bad, but I prefer Bill Clement to Keith Jones personally.

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10-21-2011, 01:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McNasty View Post
I actually get annoyed when the flyers score listening to Saunders.... JJ isn't too bad, but I prefer Bill Clement to Keith Jones personally.
As long as its not stone face Tocchet. He is ok in his role but not beyond that..guy is dryer than a martini.

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10-21-2011, 01:39 PM
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Ironmanrulez
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What about Rick Toccet? He seems to be uninterested the whole time. grabing his jacket or wishing his face and comment with one sentences full of nothing in the pregame and postgame live telecasts.


What about Lappy! He really make a nice debut last year on the pregame and intermission reports. I really like to see him more in there!!

your thoughts?

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Old
10-21-2011, 01:45 PM
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BillyShoe1721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McNasty View Post
Failing to include the famous phrase "I'm looking right over his shoulder" is just unacceptable
Beat me to it. That's the first thing that came to mind when I saw this thread. Easily my favorite Coatesy saying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coutsiephan View Post
Well as much as he's bad..Dorny I thought was the worst. Apart from his flying elbows that JJ had to endure in the press box when there was a fight ...I constantly couldn't stand him covering up the Flyers goalie by saying the "goalie was screened." Every damn shot the opposition took he said this. I was surprised he didn't say it in a shoot out...
My favorite thing about Dorny was his analysis in between periods. "Stop it right there"..."Stop it right there"

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10-21-2011, 01:47 PM
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RJ8812
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McNasty View Post
I actually get annoyed when the flyers score listening to Saunders.... JJ isn't too bad, but I prefer Bill Clement to Keith Jones personally.
i wanna see that clip of Jones farting on live TV during the intermission report

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Old
10-21-2011, 01:47 PM
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FreshPerspective
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BiLLY_ShOE1721 View Post


My favorite thing about Dorny was his analysis in between periods. "Stop it right there"..."Stop it right there"
Ha ha I remember that and then the video guys would mess with him and his senile mind and keep the tape running

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