The Lounge"...Where the parking lot of the Igloo meets the concourse of the Nassau County Coliseum and the bathroom line of the Skyreach..." - Wickedbsfan
Hey guys, I'd greatly appreciate your opinion right now.
So recently, my relationship with my girlfriend just doesn't seem.....worth it any more. She has more or less dedicated all of her free time to me, never hanging out with her friends any more (more or less because I can't turn her down...) and becomes jealous when I want to hang out with friends.....who just so happen to be girls, along with them being our mutual friends at that. She's gotten mad at me because of this, and its gotten to point where it seems controlling. We've talked about, but I still don't think she's listening....and its ruining the relationship with my friends.
She isn't drop dead gorgeous per say, I find her really attractive, she's kind and thoughtful, intelligent in the sense that she isn't going to blow you away with her math and science abilities, but she's got the common sense of.....someone whose got a lot of it (a monk?), and she knows to how to flaunt her assets, if you know what I mean.
Also, she's really shy. This totally impacts her ability to tell jokes and "be out there" and then she complains about how "she isn't funny" and the like. I'll spend hours consolidating her, but it probably goes through one ear and out the other. When she's in a sour mood due to this, the obnoxiousness in her personality goes through the roof, and it makes being around her unbearable.
I feel the sense of control she puts me under, along with the fact that I basically have to factor her into every plan I make is going to make me breakup with her.
Is this shortsighted? I will easily love her even if we break up, its just easier to love her in small doses I suppose....especially early in the relationship when we we'rent conjoined constantly.....
Would all of this be fixed if we weren't together all the time?
Hey guys, I'd greatly appreciate your opinion right now.
So recently, my relationship with my girlfriend just doesn't seem.....worth it any more. She has more or less dedicated all of her free time to me, never hanging out with her friends any more (more or less because I can't turn her down...) and becomes jealous when I want to hang out with friends.....who just so happen to be girls, along with them being our mutual friends at that. She's gotten mad at me because of this, and its gotten to point where it seems controlling. We've talked about, but I still don't think she's listening....and its ruining the relationship with my friends.
She isn't drop dead gorgeous per say, I find her really attractive, she's kind and thoughtful, intelligent in the sense that she isn't going to blow you away with her math and science abilities, but she's got the common sense of.....someone whose got a lot of it (a monk?), and she knows to how to flaunt her assets, if you know what I mean.
Also, she's really shy. This totally impacts her ability to tell jokes and "be out there" and then she complains about how "she isn't funny" and the like. I'll spend hours consolidating her, but it probably goes through one ear and out the other. When she's in a sour mood due to this, the obnoxiousness in her personality goes through the roof, and it makes being around her unbearable.
I feel the sense of control she puts me under, along with the fact that I basically have to factor her into every plan I make is going to make me breakup with her.
Is this shortsighted? I will easily love her even if we break up, its just easier to love her in small doses I suppose....especially early in the relationship when we we'rent conjoined constantly.....
Would all of this be fixed if we weren't together all the time?
It would be fixed if you dump her. She is doing something very unhealthy by cutting off the outside world to be with you.
She is controlling, exhibits unhealthy behaviour and you are not happy with the situation, and your 'compromise' (ugh, shudder) is to try to 'change' her?
No. No. No. You never do that, you never try to change the behaviour of someone else... you admit they don't make you happy, that you want something better and you walk away.
You are already halfway there, you just need to stop trying to 'fix' the situation that you are already clearly unhappy with and go the extra half to find the real answer here.
It would be fixed if you dump her. She is doing something very unhealthy by cutting off the outside world to be with you.
She is controlling, exhibits unhealthy behaviour and you are not happy with the situation, and your 'compromise' (ugh, shudder) is to try to 'change' her?
No. No. No. You never do that, you never try to change the behaviour of someone else... you admit they don't make you happy, that you want something better and you walk away.
You are already halfway there, you just need to stop trying to 'fix' the situation that you are already clearly unhappy with and go the extra half to find the real answer here.
I guess I need to come to terms that I need to let go of her, for the sake of both of us. I don't think I'm ready yet, but if these problems persist, then I will have no problems doing so. Its been easily going on for a month. :***** whipped:
I guess I need to come to terms that I need to let go of her, for the sake of both of us. I don't think I'm ready yet, but if these problems persist, then I will have no problems doing so. Its been easily going on for a month. :***** whipped:
Thanks for the response.
You do need to come to terms with things. I think from your own words, your own description and feelings on this situation that you already know what those terms are, but you are just looking for reassurance from people to realize that.
You already laid the path with your story, and it leads to leaving her.
And already you are making excuses, "if these problems persist"? Seriously? She has been treating you badly for over a month, you admit you are pusy whipped, and you think that magically this situation will change?
Please. Don't insult me and most importantly, don't insult yourself. You know damn well it won't change and you know damn well that you both need and want to get out. Your post screams it.
You want validation? Here it is: get out. She is abusive and controlling and if you stay then you are a total fool. Being pusy whipped has nothing to do with it, this is a form of masochism and self-loathing, and that should tell you more about yourself than anything.
I guess I need to come to terms that I need to let go of her, for the sake of both of us. I don't think I'm ready yet, but if these problems persist, then I will have no problems doing so. Its been easily going on for a month. :***** whipped:
Thanks for the response.
A short note: do not be surprised/alarmed if she doubles down on the crazy factor when you proceed with the dumping. She may cry, beg, throw a temper tantrum, and/or promise the world, but you must stand your ground and be resolute.
Women, being the narcissistic creatures that they are, do not handle rejection well. Add to this the fact your termination of the relationship means that access to you and your time is scarce may make her redouble her efforts to get you back.
You do need to come to terms with things. I think from your own words, your own description and feelings on this situation that you already know what those terms are, but you are just looking for reassurance from people to realize that.
You already laid the path with your story, and it leads to leaving her.
And already you are making excuses, "if these problems persist"? Seriously? She has been treating you badly for over a month, you admit you are pusy whipped, and you think that magically this situation will change?
Please. Don't insult me and most importantly, don't insult yourself. You know damn well it won't change and you know damn well that you both need and want to get out. Your post screams it.
You want validation? Here it is: get out. She is abusive and controlling and if you stay then you are a total fool. Being pusy whipped has nothing to do with it, this is a form of masochism and self-loathing, and that should tell you more about yourself than anything.
And you are welcome.
I might've painted a really bad painting of her, but you make perfect sense, blunt, and to the point.
A short note: do not be surprised/alarmed if she doubles down on the crazy factor when you proceed with the dumping. She may cry, beg, throw a temper tantrum, and/or promise the world, but you must stand your ground and be resolute.
Women, being the narcissistic creatures that they are, do not handle rejection well. Add to this the fact your termination of the relationship means that access to you and your time is scarce may make her redouble her efforts to get you back.
She's definitely the kind of girl that would go crazy when I break up with her. I plan on smoothing her into it, maybe one last date getting ice cream or something. That way she won't be completely pissed at me and spread debilitating rumours about me.
I might've painted a really bad painting of her, but you make perfect sense, blunt, and to the point.
You must be fighting off the ladies.
I think you painted the image exactly as you perceive it, and that is the entire point. YOU are unhappy, and YOU need a reason and the courage to get the hell out.
I guess I need to come to terms that I need to let go of her, for the sake of both of us. I don't think I'm ready yet, but if these problems persist, then I will have no problems doing so. Its been easily going on for a month. :***** whipped:
Thanks for the response.
I'm gonna give you a somewhat girly response. First off, if its a younger relationship, this is something that sometimes happens. If you love her, I don't think you need to throw it all away right off the bat. I do agree it is a terrible behaviour, and I think you need to lay down the law. Basically having a very serious, make it or break it type talk. And if things don't change, its done. While I do agree, people don't change easily, often in relationships you do change slightly, and adapt quirks that tick the other one off.
Met this really cool chick at the bar Friday night, got along really well with her all night and got her number.
Only problem is I ended up taking her friend visiting from out of town home after the bar. I spent a couple hours with the other chick and barely talked to the one I took home while at the bar, it just played out that way. (first girl had to take her plastered friend home a bit early)
We fooled around a bit but didn't end up having sex. I know my ship is probably sank with the other chick but I'm wondering if there's any way to salvage it. I'm generally not one to dwell on these things but for sone reason I really regret messing with the friend.
Met this really cool chick at the bar Friday night, got along really well with her all night and got her number.
Only problem is I ended up taking her friend visiting from out of town home after the bar. I spent a couple hours with the other chick and barely talked to the one I took home while at the bar, it just played out that way. (first girl had to take her plastered friend home a bit early)
We fooled around a bit but didn't end up having sex. I know my ship is probably sank with the other chick but I'm wondering if there's any way to salvage it. I'm generally not one to dwell on these things but for sone reason I really regret messing with the friend.
Try to arrange something with the girl whos number you got. She says yes great, she says no and you are in exactly the same situation. Win win!
She's definitely the kind of girl that would go crazy when I break up with her. I plan on smoothing her into it, maybe one last date getting ice cream or something. That way she won't be completely pissed at me and spread debilitating rumours about me.
Cheers.
The problem is that this girl has absolutely no self confidence and low self esteem, and she seeks validation in you and your relationship. This is not something easily changed and, at this early stage in your relationship you may want to question how much of your life are you willing to invest in this person.
