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Lady Advice Thread XXXI: A woman needs love

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Old
12-05-2012, 11:47 PM
  #101
DeflatedFootball7
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Originally Posted by StringerBell View Post
What do you want from this girl?
tbh, I'm not quite sure myself. originally I just wanted to be friends, but then we got really close. And I mean REALLY. I kind of want her as more than a friend but I want to know what she wants.

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12-05-2012, 11:50 PM
  #102
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I'm not saying I endorse this but I had a roommate in college who would always look for a beautiful girl's physical flaws, however minor they might be. He said it helped him keep from putting it on a pedestal and made them more approachable.
He could also try thinking about how incredibly insecure almost all really attractive women feel.

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Old
12-05-2012, 11:58 PM
  #103
Kitten Mittons
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tbh, I'm not quite sure myself. originally I just wanted to be friends, but then we got really close. And I mean REALLY. I kind of want her as more than a friend but I want to know what she wants.
You sound like a woman.

If she didn't like you, she wouldn't flip out. Next time you send her a text, tell her to meet you somewhere, talk about being together, and then be together. Stop being a ***** is what I'm saying, basically.

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12-06-2012, 12:01 AM
  #104
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Originally Posted by DeflatedFootball7 View Post
tbh, I'm not quite sure myself. originally I just wanted to be friends, but then we got really close. And I mean REALLY. I kind of want her as more than a friend but I want to know what she wants.
Yeah... that doesn't sound good. You should be more concerned with figuring out what you want than what she wants. Until you know what you want, her desires are secondary. Right now you're the guy who can't decide if he wants a hot drink or cold drink, and is going to settle on some lukewarm tap water cause he can't make up his mind. Don't be that guy.

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12-06-2012, 12:06 AM
  #105
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Originally Posted by Kitten Mittons View Post
You sound like a woman.

If she didn't like you, she wouldn't flip out. Next time you send her a text, tell her to meet you somewhere, talk about being together, and then be together. Stop being a ***** is what I'm saying, basically.
Yeah dude. Decide what you want and man the **** up.

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12-06-2012, 12:25 AM
  #106
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Originally Posted by Kitten Mittons View Post
You sound like a woman.

If she didn't like you, she wouldn't flip out. Next time you send her a text, tell her to meet you somewhere, talk about being together, and then be together. Stop being a ***** is what I'm saying, basically.
i dont think id want to be with a girl if she calls me to her house to yell at me

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12-06-2012, 12:33 AM
  #107
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i dont think id want to be with a girl if she calls me to her house to yell at me
Pretty much.

Id find it hard to believe people are so willing to accept bad behaviour as being acceptable because a chick is "confused" or "emotional" or anther excuse.

It basic behavioural condition.

I flip out and get what i want = if i want to get what i want i need to flip out .

Its amazing to to see how many men end up in miserable relationships because they actively encouraged the cycle of behaviour.

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12-06-2012, 12:35 AM
  #108
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Pretty much.

Id find it hard to believe people are so willing to accept bad behaviour as being acceptable because a chick is "confused" or "emotional" or anther excuse.

It basic behavioural condition.

I flip out and get what i want = if i want to get what i want i need to flip out .

Its amazing to to see how many men end up in miserable relationships because they actively encouraged the cycle of behaviour.
i didnt even mean to say that. "i dont think id want to be with a girl if she calls me to her house for her friends to yell at me"

thats even worse

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12-06-2012, 12:38 AM
  #109
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Originally Posted by Kitten Mittons View Post
You sound like a woman.

If she didn't like you, she wouldn't flip out. Next time you send her a text, tell her to meet you somewhere, talk about being together, and then be together. Stop being a ***** is what I'm saying, basically.
Yes he is acting like a "girl"and yes he needs to man up.

However this is putting her on a pedestal.

If he had the belief in abundance, that there is plenty of fish in the sea, then this chick isnt even a concern.

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12-06-2012, 12:42 AM
  #110
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Originally Posted by Drop The Mits View Post
i didnt even mean to say that. "i dont think id want to be with a girl if she calls me to her house for her friends to yell at me"

thats even worse
Yeah id probably have a look of "wut da ****" on my face before i laughed my ass of.

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12-06-2012, 07:45 AM
  #111
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How good is love? I can't even describe it. When all you want is to be with that person and never let them go. Life is good.

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12-06-2012, 09:33 AM
  #112
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How good is love? I can't even describe it. When all you want is to be with that person and never let them go. Life is good.
Seriously Filp, we need a real update on how, what,when,where you managed to get this love.

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12-06-2012, 09:53 AM
  #113
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Got yelled at by my gf's sister today didn't even do anything.

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Old
12-06-2012, 10:00 AM
  #114
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TCRF just dumped gf.
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Originally Posted by ThatCrazyRangerFan View Post
Got yelled at by my gf's sister today didn't even do anything.
The first quote would explain the second quote haha.

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12-06-2012, 10:37 AM
  #115
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Originally Posted by Lonny Bohonos View Post
Hes actually correct in his response because you made it a false either/or.
I'm not the one making it an either/or. His girlfriend is.

That's life for you. Sometimes you don't get to have everything you want. The dude is looking for some "third option" where he gets to have both his friend and his relationship, preferably by convincing his girlfriend that she's wrong to feel the way she does. I don't think that "third option" exists (*), I think he's dismissive of his girlfriend's feelings about the situation, and I think he's being too stubborn for his own good.

Ultimately of course it's his choice. He can always choose to decide that her jealousy is a deal-breaker and end the relationship, but I don't think he wants to make that choice either or he would've already done so.

(*) - I did later consider that she could seek counseling to deal with her feelings of jealousy, but he can not talk her into doing that either. She would have to want to do it on her own. If he even raised the idea with her it could go catastrophically bad.

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12-06-2012, 11:12 AM
  #116
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Originally Posted by optimus2861 View Post
I'm not the one making it an either/or. His girlfriend is.

That's life for you. Sometimes you don't get to have everything you want. The dude is looking for some "third option" where he gets to have both his friend and his relationship, preferably by convincing his girlfriend that she's wrong to feel the way she does. I don't think that "third option" exists (*), I think he's dismissive of his girlfriend's feelings about the situation, and I think he's being too stubborn for his own good.

Ultimately of course it's his choice. He can always choose to decide that her jealousy is a deal-breaker and end the relationship, but I don't think he wants to make that choice either or he would've already done so.
It's not a matter of my being dismissive of her feelings, it's a matter of her refusing to see this from any perspective other than her own. She has up-and-decided that a guy and a girl cannot be friends, and refuses to back it up when I press for more details.

If I'm dismissive of her feelings at all, it's because she has twisted this into something it's not, and is arguing from the twisted perspective she's invented. She'll say she doesn't want me "going on dates" with "other girls", and will ask why I want to "hang out with single girls". How can I not be dismissive of that kind of arguing, when that's not what we're even arguing over? I don't want to go on dates with other single girls, I want to be able to hang out with my friend.

I do think that there is a middle ground here. Right now what I'm gunning for is an agreement that 1) any time we hang out, it's in a public place - not my apartment, not her apartment, and not anywhere that has a bed or a place where we could conceivably talk while laying down, and 2) I only see her while my girlfriend is working (she works the occasional evening), is out with her friends, or has other plans of her own. That way, the time I spend hanging out with my friend is not coming at the expense of time I could be spending with my girlfriend.

I think that's a fair resolution.

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Old
12-06-2012, 01:41 PM
  #117
optimus2861
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Originally Posted by Buck Aki Berg View Post
If I'm dismissive of her feelings at all, it's because she has twisted this into something it's not, and is arguing from the twisted perspective she's invented. She'll say she doesn't want me "going on dates" with "other girls", and will ask why I want to "hang out with single girls". How can I not be dismissive of that kind of arguing, when that's not what we're even arguing over? I don't want to go on dates with other single girls, I want to be able to hang out with my friend.
You're more stubborn than I thought. You're not only continuing to try and argue your point with me (I'm not your problem here, dude), but now you're flat-out saying you believe your girlfriend is twisted?! Even when you know that she was hurt in the past by a cheating boyfriend? She's no doubt heard this "She's just a friend!" song and dance before, and look what that got her! She was clearly deeply hurt by this past cheating, and even though you've been together for years it still affects her. So instead of telling her that you understand, and trying to amicably work something out to show that you love her and take her feelings seriously, you're argumentative toward her and dismissive of her feelings. Some boyfriend!

How can she not think you doth protest too much? This friend clearly means a lot to you, and that's what has your girlfriend so tangled up in knots. How can she not imagine a scenario where this "special friend" becomes more when you are so adamant that you continue spending time with her, especially ...

Quote:
2) I only see her while my girlfriend is working (she works the occasional evening), is out with her friends, or has other plans of her own.
When your girlfriend isn't around.

That is just about the worst damned thing you could propose doing! If anything, you need to flip this right around; you need to only see your friend in a group setting with your girlfriend present so that she becomes increasingly comfortable with her in your social circle - if she ever does or even can.

When she finally gives you the ultimatum (because if you keep pushing her like this she surely will) "Her or me?!" I hope you know what your answer is.

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Old
12-06-2012, 05:55 PM
  #118
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^ You're clearly hearing what you want to hear into this situation, since you seem to have hallucinated quite a bit of what you think I've said, because I've never said anything to suggest that I'm being argumentative with her or dismissive about her feelings, nor did I ever say that my girlfriend is twisted.

If you want to offer advice, that's great, but first you'll have to learn how to read.

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12-06-2012, 06:21 PM
  #119
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Some people have certain things they can't overlook or compromise on in a relationship. For your gf it seems like you having female friends is one of them and if that's the case then you are going to have to chose between the two. You may think they are separate entities but your gf has essentially made the ultimatum (stop talking to her or I am leaving) by constantly bringing it up.

I'd suggest you weigh who is more important to you because your gf won't sit around for much longer if she sees you having female friends as deal breaker.

As to suggesting you only hang out w/ the female friend while she's at work. lol to that. If she's worried about you cheating then that isn't going to remedy the situation at all as most guys tend to cheat when their gfs aren't around.

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12-06-2012, 11:53 PM
  #120
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I had a long conversation with the girl today. She's gone back to being her clingy self (Which I don't mind) although she's a little bit more timid. Were planning to go to a movie. I'll see how it goes.

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12-07-2012, 12:31 AM
  #121
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Originally Posted by DeflatedFootball7 View Post
I had a long conversation with the girl today. She's gone back to being her clingy self (Which I don't mind) although she's a little bit more timid. Were planning to go to a movie. I'll see how it goes.
Well then, sounds like everything will work out just fine.

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12-07-2012, 12:49 AM
  #122
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I had a long conversation with the girl today. She's gone back to being her clingy self (Which I don't mind) although she's a little bit more timid. Were planning to go to a movie. I'll see how it goes.
Are you going as friends or as dates? Do you actually know? Do you actually know which you'd prefer yet?

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12-07-2012, 12:56 AM
  #123
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Are you going as friends or as dates? Do you actually know? Do you actually know which you'd prefer yet?
Dates. Only thing is I'm not sure if either of us want "us" out in the open.

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12-07-2012, 01:58 AM
  #124
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Dates. Only thing is I'm not sure if either of us want "us" out in the open.
Well you're going out in the open at the movies, so deal with it. If you're going as dates you have to be ready to incorporate physical interaction into your time spent together. I've yet to meet a woman who enjoys going on dates with guys who aren't comfortable making physical moves. This is even more important when you're trying to form a romantic relationship with a girl you've previously had a non-romantic relationship with.

It could be something as simple putting your hand on her thigh in the movie, but if you're uncomfortable progressing things physically then don't even bother going on the date, because it's not going anywhere romantically.

Good luck.

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Old
12-07-2012, 06:20 AM
  #125
Buck Aki Berg
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As to suggesting you only hang out w/ the female friend while she's at work. lol to that. If she's worried about you cheating then that isn't going to remedy the situation at all as most guys tend to cheat when their gfs aren't around.
In fairness, I left out the part where I put the three of us in a room together (went out for drinks about a year ago). My gf brought one of her friends and the two of them had their own conversation all night. I was right friggin' pissed about that.

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