Calling Matthew Yeats: The All-Purpose Tank Thread
Good morning, Mr. Yeats. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the tanking of a season to acquire the number one pick. You may select any seventeen team members, but it is essential that the eighteenth member of your team be Ivan Ciernik. He is a Slovak, and a highly incapable European professional hockey player. You have forty-eight hours to recruit Mr. Ciernik and meet me in Washington D.C. to receive your assignment. As always, should any member of your team be caught tanking or giving up, Ted and George McPhee will disavow all knowledge of your actions. And Mr. Yeats, the next time you go to play in Europe, please be good enough to let us know where you're going. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.