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Do you disapprove of children born out of wedlock?

View Poll Results: Do you have an issue with children born to unmarried couples?
Yes, I think the parents should always be married 7 6.67%
No, it doesn't make a difference 98 93.33%
Voters: 105. You may not vote on this poll

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Old
06-13-2014, 10:57 AM
  #26
bombers15
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What does "disapprove" mean? The poll is worded badly.

I don't disapprove of the child or think any less of them, but all things being equal I think a stable married relationship is probably the ideal situation for the kid.

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Old
06-13-2014, 11:30 AM
  #27
Doppler Drift
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RussianRifle27 View Post
It certainly speaks to the maturity level of the parents. Usually if the parents aren't married there isn't any stability for the child and any incentive for both parties to give their "mistake" a decent upbringing. The parents likely won't stick around and these usually young mothers are ill-equipped to raise a kid on their own especially at such a tender age. This has become a huge problem in America today and facilitates a cycle of bad child development. I'm not saying these sutuations can never work out, but they are rare.

As for the child, it does nothing to devalue them, however it does create some early adversity in not having stable parents to look up to. In any case it is always beneficial for everyone involved to have children after marriage, where there is evidence that mom and dad are committed to each other.
What does a couple being married have to do with stability, good parenting, single parenting, lack of respect by the children for the parents, etc?

There are unmarried couples that stay together in a committed, harmonious, stable, loving relationship for as long and even longer than married couples. There are divorced couples who are FAR better parents than married ones.

Youth pregnancy is a totally different issue than the one being considered here.

Refresher.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceremony View Post
Do you disapprove of children born out of wedlock?

I'm watching the Friends episode where Rachel gives birth. Ross' mother turns up while she's in labour and tries to get him to marry her. As the child of unmarried people I've always been slightly bemused when I see people making a big deal out of it in TV shows and stuff so, is this a big deal? Does it change your opinion of people, either the offspring or the parents?

(inb4 I have bad taste in television)

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Old
06-13-2014, 12:42 PM
  #28
Rabid Ranger
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doppler Drift View Post
What does a couple being married have to do with stability, good parenting, single parenting, lack of respect by the children for the parents, etc?

There are unmarried couples that stay together in a committed, harmonious, stable, loving relationship for as long and even longer than married couples. There are divorced couples who are FAR better parents than married ones.

Youth pregnancy is a totally different issue than the one being considered here.

Refresher.
You don't think marriage (a healthy one obviously) leads to stability in family life? I guess that's just another reflection of the times we live in where certain institutions and norms are being cast aside.

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Old
06-13-2014, 02:04 PM
  #29
Doppler Drift
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Originally Posted by Rabid Ranger View Post
You don't think marriage (a healthy one obviously) leads to stability in family life? I guess that's just another reflection of the times we live in where certain institutions and norms are being cast aside.
You don't think two people can co-exist in a stable relationship without a marriage certificate? Shows what century your mind is stuck in. And I am not young, my children are grown, working adults.

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Old
06-13-2014, 02:53 PM
  #30
Tim Calhoun
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There are many economic benefits to being married. This means more resources can be spent on the child.

I'm surprised the poll is so lopsided.

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Old
06-13-2014, 03:00 PM
  #31
Vankiller Whale
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I don't disapprove of the child. However, much of the time the child born out of wedlock is raised by a single parent that is quite often low-income, so there is definitely a certain stigma to it even if in essence there's nothing wrong with it.

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Old
06-13-2014, 03:07 PM
  #32
Do Make Say Think
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Calhoun View Post
There are many economic benefits to being married. This means more resources can be spent on the child.

I'm surprised the poll is so lopsided.
Very true

I'm not sure why you are so surprised however

The parents not maximizing their income to benefit the child is short-sighted but I wouldn't disapprove of it

At least not I understand the question which is: do you have moral or ethical concerns for children born out of wedlock.

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Old
06-13-2014, 03:08 PM
  #33
Xelebes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Calhoun View Post
There are many economic benefits to being married. This means more resources can be spent on the child.

I'm surprised the poll is so lopsided.


Spend an hour and half and watch.

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Old
06-13-2014, 04:47 PM
  #34
RussianRifle27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doppler Drift View Post
What does a couple being married have to do with stability, good parenting, single parenting, lack of respect by the children for the parents, etc?

There are unmarried couples that stay together in a committed, harmonious, stable, loving relationship for as long and even longer than married couples. There are divorced couples who are FAR better parents than married ones.

Youth pregnancy is a totally different issue than the one being considered here.

Refresher.
They don't automatically go hand-in-hand, I agree. But one would think that if a couple is married they have a strong connection and won't leave each other as easily as parents who aren't bound by marriage. Children born out of wedlock often are left with one parent, usually the mother. The main aspect here is that married couples usually plan to get pregnant where as unmarried couples don't.


Last edited by RussianRifle27: 06-13-2014 at 04:56 PM.
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Old
06-13-2014, 04:50 PM
  #35
DirtyDion03
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Calhoun View Post
There are many economic benefits to being married. This means more resources can be spent on the child.

I'm surprised the poll is so lopsided.
I think the price of marriage / honey moon scares off young couples.

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Old
06-13-2014, 04:53 PM
  #36
Lady Scarlet
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Originally Posted by DirtyDion03 View Post
I think the price of marriage / honey moon scares off young couples.
It's obscene the amount of money young people are prepared to (or feel they are expected to) cough up for a lavish wedding and honeymoon. There's no need for it and the money being spent on those two things could go a long way to building a downpayment on a house etc.

Yeah, off topic, I know.....

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Old
06-13-2014, 04:54 PM
  #37
DirtyDion03
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Originally Posted by Lady Scarlet View Post
It's obscene the amount of money young people are prepared to cough up for a lavish wedding and honeymoon. There's no need for it and the money being spent on those two things could go a long way to building a downpayment on a house etc.

Yeah, off topic, I know.....
Because everyone would rather have their perfect wedding. I think marriage means less now to people. I think it loses a lot of meaning when the government starts telling you who's allowed to be married.

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Old
06-13-2014, 04:56 PM
  #38
Lady Scarlet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RussianRifle27 View Post
They don't automatically go hand-in-hand, I agree. But one would think that if a couple is married they have a strong connection and won't leave each other as easily as parents who aren't bound by marriage. Children born out of wedlock often are left with one parent, usually the mther. The main aspect here is that married couples usually plan to get pregnant where as unmarried couples don't.
There's many a person (born of wed parents) alive today and in years past whose arrival was NOT planned in the slightest!!


Last edited by Lady Scarlet: 06-13-2014 at 05:13 PM.
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Old
06-13-2014, 08:23 PM
  #39
Garo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DirtyDion03 View Post
I think it loses a lot of meaning when the government starts telling you who's allowed to be married.
Yeah, marriage laws are really recent...

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Old
06-14-2014, 08:06 AM
  #40
PredsV82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Calhoun View Post
There are many economic benefits to being married. This means more resources can be spent on the child.

I'm surprised the poll is so lopsided.
maybe because the way the poll is worded is idiotic?

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Old
06-14-2014, 12:29 PM
  #41
Fozz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim Calhoun View Post
There are many economic benefits to being married. This means more resources can be spent on the child.

I'm surprised the poll is so lopsided.
I'm relieved this poll is so lopsided.

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Old
06-14-2014, 01:03 PM
  #42
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Don't take life lessons from Friends hth.

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Old
06-14-2014, 07:14 PM
  #43
Big Phil
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The children have nothing to do with it at all whether it was a one night stand that he was conceived or a dysfunctional relationship. So, regardless, the kid has nothing to do with how the parents think of each other or what situation he/she is born into.

Now, there are a couple schools of thought here. For starters, there are unplanned pregnancies between a stable couple at times. In my opinion you should never, ever marry just because you get your girlfriend pregnant. On the flip side though, if the relationship is stable, the woman you are with is "the one" then my honest opinion is what are you waiting for? It's the mother of your child, you love her, want to spend your life with her, are now a family but you hesitate to exchange vows with her? A little bit of a slap in the face, I think.

One think I can't wrap my head around are the people with 2-3 kids that they planned to have and there isn't even the hint of marriage in the future. I don't get the idea of a woman being good enough to shoot three of your kids out but not good enough to call her your wife. That's off my radar and before the usual "it's only a piece of paper" responses come in I have always thought that was a load of bull. To a single person, to a person from a bitter divorce I get it, to you it doesn't mean much. To a happily married couple it means a lot. If you got married for the right reasons those vows, that ring, that bond you share and become one with means the world. It's a statement that this is the woman you decided to share your life with. So for people that never experienced an actual good marriage, I think I can qualify with my own life experience, it matters.

So in conclusion, I think being married before kids is ideal. Basically because the most important relationship you are going to have in your life is your spouse. Even after kids. Because once there is a strong foundation there, your marriage can last through anything. Without that strong foundation, everyone including your kids suffer which I don't need to tell anyone who has experienced divorce. So I would prefer kids born in wedlock. Is it the kid's fault? No. Should you marry her anyway? No, unless you are in love with her. If you are in love with her and she delivers two of your kids and there are no problems in your relationship should you marry her? I don't see why you wouldn't.

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Old
06-14-2014, 09:26 PM
  #44
Garo
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I like how the whole argument never mentions what "the woman" could actually want.

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Old
06-14-2014, 09:55 PM
  #45
Big Phil
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garo View Post
I like how the whole argument never mentions what "the woman" could actually want.
It's a hockey board. Most posters are men. The explanations and opinions are going to be through a man's lens more or less. However, you can reverse the roles in that argument and its the same thing.

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Old
06-14-2014, 10:30 PM
  #46
Garo
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It's not a question of role reversal of being on a hockey board or whatever, it's how you express incomprehension to a man not marrying a woman without ever taking into account the dynamic of the relationship, which makes little sense. You can say it would be the same thing from the other point of view - Although, admitting you are talking from a man's lens is contradictory in this respect - but it wouldn't make the argument more convincing because you'll end up with the same logical problem.

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Old
06-15-2014, 01:18 AM
  #47
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This might have been the dumbest poll ever posted on HFBoards. It makes Maple Leaf trade rumors look like the invention of legitimate nuclear fusion.

A child has the right to a father and mother figure. Children without two parental figures (note: parental figures, gay or straight) have a significantly worse outcomes than those in a two parent household. If you're a single mother earning $200k a year, you are the outlier.

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Old
06-15-2014, 01:42 AM
  #48
Lonny Bohonos
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Scarlet View Post
There's many a person (born of wed parents) alive today and in years past whose arrival was NOT planned in the slightest!!
Ideally parents would have a stroke by stroke standard operating procedure in their integrated management system based on ISO.

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Old
06-15-2014, 10:44 AM
  #49
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Originally Posted by LetsGoIslanders View Post
This might have been the dumbest poll ever posted on HFBoards. It makes Maple Leaf trade rumors look like the invention of legitimate nuclear fusion.

A child has the right to a father and mother figure. Children without two parental figures (note: parental figures, gay or straight) have a significantly worse outcomes than those in a two parent household. If you're a single mother earning $200k a year, you are the outlier.
Children need love and to be cared for in all aspects that "an" adult in a parenting role can provide. Any "single" parent who can provide that love, time, and resources which a child needs can essentially provide all that a child needs. Certainly the parenting role can be made easier if there are two parents, but it could also be better if there are attentive grandparents near and perhaps even if the child has at least one sibling, and perhaps also loving aunts and uncles, other good kids in the neighborhood to hang out with, friendly neighbors... All those people can share the load, to varying degrees in order to make the home life of a child better. But ultimately, one single adult who has love, time, and the necessary resources to give can be pretty much all most any child needs. And it's better to have one parent who can give that than it is to have two that can't or don't know how to give it; or better than having two living together in the same household but who are continually at odds and creating an emotionally disharmonious atmosphere for the child to live in.

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Old
06-15-2014, 10:56 AM
  #50
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I do care. I think parents that are not married should have their children taken away and be castrated. Also the parent should be put on some kind of birth control too.

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