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Karl Alzner

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Old
07-13-2017, 04:16 PM
  #1
montreal
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Karl Alzner

Looking forward to seeing what he does with the Habs.

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07-13-2017, 04:24 PM
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SakuKoivu11
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Probably something Roman Hamrlik did.

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07-13-2017, 04:36 PM
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le_sean
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I heard he's the worst player of all time. His kids have to help him go to the bathroom. His wife had to hold the pen to sign his contract and he'll need a new seeing-eye dog soon. They didn't even show him houses in the area, just palliative care centres.

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07-13-2017, 04:59 PM
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He's done for real. At this point he is a 5th-6th dman

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07-13-2017, 05:17 PM
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Belial
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le_sean View Post
I heard he's the worst player of all time. His kids have to help him go to the bathroom. His wife had to hold the pen to sign his contract and he'll need a new seeing-eye dog soon. They didn't even show him houses in the area, just palliative care centres.
Best description ever!

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Old
07-13-2017, 05:21 PM
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DramaticGloveSave
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Originally Posted by le_sean View Post
I heard he's the worst player of all time. His kids have to help him go to the bathroom. His wife had to hold the pen to sign his contract and he'll need a new seeing-eye dog soon. They didn't even show him houses in the area, just palliative care centres.
I lol'd.

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Old
07-13-2017, 05:24 PM
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I heard he's the worst player of all time.
He's no Tony Twist but he will probably be one of the worst top four defenceman offensively in the league.

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07-13-2017, 05:30 PM
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He's no Tony Twist but he will probably be one of the worst top four defenceman offensively in the league.
I mean it's a given once he's so beat up he has to skate on all fours. I can't imagine playing with my stick in my teeth.

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07-13-2017, 05:39 PM
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I mean it's a given once he's so beat up he has to skate on all fours. I can't imagine playing with my stick in my teeth.
I'm pretty sure his hockey stick is attached to his gloves. He's a human table top hockey player.

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07-13-2017, 05:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SakuKoivu11 View Post
Probably something Roman Hamrlik did.
I'd be ecstatic if Alzner is a steady top-4 D that gets 30+ points a year.

Alzner career high (21 points) is lower or equal to any Hamrlik year except his last 2 (68 and 16 games) and the one earlier on when he played 37 games.

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07-13-2017, 05:51 PM
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Not sure why he's being compared to Hamrlik. Hamr came into the league as an offensive dynamo on the backend, who then changed his game to being a defensive defenseman. Big Al has never had those types of offensive abilities.

If Alzner get 20-30 points, plays solid defensively and excels on the penalty kill all the while allowing Petry to rush the puck more and create offense, he'll have earned his cheque.

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07-13-2017, 06:17 PM
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If Alzner get 20-30 points,
30 points would be a miracle.

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07-13-2017, 06:21 PM
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Hopefully injuries were behind his dip in production as the previous 2 years he put up back to back 21 pts. So I would want him to put up at least 15 pts while being a solid PKer and eating up minutes with steady play. I've liked him a good bit in the past but fear if injuries and wear/tear are catching up to him. Guess we'll see over the next few years how he holds up.

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Old
07-13-2017, 06:31 PM
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Belial
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Originally Posted by No Team Needed View Post
30 points would be a miracle.
I think people are looking at Burns and Karlsson and think getting points in this league is a walk in the park.

There aren't even 60 D's who got 30 points this year.

Expecting 30 points out of Alzner would be like you said a miracle.

If he could hit 20 it would be great.

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07-13-2017, 06:44 PM
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30 points would be a miracle.
It's a stretch no doubt, that's why I started at 20

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07-13-2017, 06:53 PM
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I think Alzner will be a pleasant surprise...Alzner-Petry will be a super effective pairing mmw

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Old
07-13-2017, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le_sean View Post
I heard he's the worst player of all time. His kids have to help him go to the bathroom. His wife had to hold the pen to sign his contract and he'll need a new seeing-eye dog soon. They didn't even show him houses in the area, just palliative care centres.
Has Alzner ever heard of electric jar-openers?

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07-13-2017, 07:17 PM
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Has Alzner ever heard of electric jar-openers?
I heard he has hearing disorders too so he might have never heard of them.

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Old
07-13-2017, 08:27 PM
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I heard he has hearing disorders too so he might have never heard of them.
A jarring comment, to be sure.

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07-13-2017, 08:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belial View Post
I think people are looking at Burns and Karlsson and think getting points in this league is a walk in the park.

There aren't even 60 D's who got 30 points this year.

Expecting 30 points out of Alzner would be like you said a miracle.

If he could hit 20 it would be great.
But the Habs traded one for a 3rd round pick.

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07-13-2017, 08:41 PM
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Alzner is about even with Emelin offensively. He can skate shoot and pass, he just won't produce numbers. The difference is Alzner can actually play defence.

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Old
07-13-2017, 08:47 PM
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Originally Posted by SakuKoivu11 View Post
Probably something Roman Hamrlik did.
Even when Hamrlik lost a step he still had very good puck skill, Alzner never had this kind of talent.

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07-13-2017, 08:49 PM
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Are we going to continue to entertain more untenable comparisons between Alzner and Emelin?

Is 5 years' worth of Alzner and his defensive block shot wizardry really worth the 5 years of investment vs. what would have been an expiring Emelin contract, allowing plenty of time to find a replacement without overpaying on the UFA market?

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07-13-2017, 08:55 PM
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Belial
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Originally Posted by Runner77 View Post
Are we going to continue to entertain more untenable comparisons between Alzner and Emelin?

Is 5 years' worth of Alzner and his defensive block shot wizardry really worth the 5 years of investment vs. what would have been an expiring Emelin contract, allowing plenty of time to find a replacement without overpaying on the UFA market?
Where do you find that guy?

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Old
07-13-2017, 09:29 PM
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Watsatheo
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Where do you find that guy?
Doing GM work.

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