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Old
12-09-2003, 08:16 AM
  #26
mcphee
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I think Necrophile wants to poke the dead bodies, if you get my drift.

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12-09-2003, 08:16 AM
  #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ejaculine
Hey what about me!? I am a follower of the SAcred Pretzel. I want to help. Can I at least poke the bodies with a tree branch or something?
We weren't supposed to post your secret mission on the forum! Now Leaf fans could find out... :p

You also have to slip some banana peels as a trap in strategic locations.

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12-09-2003, 08:18 AM
  #28
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Originally Posted by mcphee
I think Necrophile wants to poke the dead bodies, if you get my drift.
Yeah I'll be poking 'em with a stick, all right...

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12-09-2003, 09:34 AM
  #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Necrophile
McPhee, we must assemble a small army of CH fans to accomplish the task. Everyone must have a different task in order for the unit to be efficient.

McPhee hides in the middle of the small army of fans. Guy! leads the way, distracting Leaf fans with his detailed post-game reports. If one of those Leaf guys slips away from Guy!, then we send Plekanec to hold them back further, and confuse them with french ramblings. If some of the Leaf fans manage to break away from both Guy!'s and Plekanec's coverage, then Darz tries to lure them to a dark corner by promising some free beer, at which point one of our (Big M1ke, Komisarek8, Mike Komisarek) will beat them savagely. Then Necrophile will "dispose" of the bodies. After this, the coast will almost be clear, but just to be sure we will send Andrei Kastsitsyn on the ice to fake an epileptic seizure, at which point no one will be paying attention to McPhee, who will safely store the SACRED PRETZEL .

It must be done...
DAMN, I like this plan!!!!

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Old
12-09-2003, 09:37 AM
  #30
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Originally Posted by Darz
DAMN, I like this plan!!!!
I like it too, Darz. Where's the free beer?

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Old
12-09-2003, 09:43 AM
  #31
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Originally Posted by Gros Bill
I like it too, Darz. Where's the free beer?
Uh,.......well,.......hmmmmmm......


I guess I will now lure them with the promise of free beer, and by the time they realize there is no free beer, BANG!!!!!!

You know what goes great with beer???? Pretzels. Man, I could go for a few sacred pretzels right about now!

Mmmmmm............sacred prezels.

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12-09-2003, 09:43 AM
  #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Necrophile
McPhee, we must assemble a small army of CH fans to accomplish the task. Everyone must have a different task in order for the unit to be efficient.

McPhee hides in the middle of the small army of fans. Guy! leads the way, distracting Leaf fans with his detailed post-game reports. If one of those Leaf guys slips away from Guy!, then we send Plekanec to hold them back further, and confuse them with french ramblings. If some of the Leaf fans manage to break away from both Guy!'s and Plekanec's coverage, then Darz tries to lure them to a dark corner by promising some free beer, at which point one of our (Big M1ke, Komisarek8, Mike Komisarek) will beat them savagely. Then Necrophile will "dispose" of the bodies. After this, the coast will almost be clear, but just to be sure we will send Andrei Kastsitsyn on the ice to fake an epileptic seizure, at which point no one will be paying attention to McPhee, who will safely store the SACRED PRETZEL .

It must be done...
What if I were to just dazzle the Leafs fans with my Stanley Cup banner avatar. It has dates past 1967; I'm sure they have never seen those before...

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Old
12-09-2003, 10:07 AM
  #33
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Hrm.

Now, what if I were to *gasp* watch a Leaf game *sputter* and do a write-up on them instead of the Habs (my heart!). I will make sure to wax lovingly about Sundin and Belfour (what does a stroke feel like?) and to note how Gary Roberts is the best power forward in hockey (medic!).

It would be much easier to take care of that Pretzel (must be capitalized else the Gods of All Things Pretzel And Hab become angry) and to hide if from the crinolin-wearing pansies (where's that pic of the dude in the Toronto jester suit *smirk*) who would dare to steal it.

There would be consequences...

Of course, if our plan did succeed, we would have to deal with the inevitable whining from Tucker who would insist that, while he was trying to recover the Pretzel and covertly attempting to emasculate us (or the equivalent for Lady Hab fans), we had accidentally touched his skate lace thus causing his double dive-roll and head-long crash into the boards (the Russian judges will award an 8.5). Pat Quinn would call on the Gods of Reffing (and have to wake them up) to complain vociferously about how we get away with things and how the Leafs always get a bum rap and how the whole world is against the Leaf Nation and how could they possible do something like that because after all it's the Toronto! Maple! Leafs! dammit and what other team even deserves to be in the universe! (By which point said Gods of Reffing would once again be in a comfortable slumber.)

Gary Bettman would patiently explain that the owners had not accepted the Pretzel Plan and would attempt to move against it. Bob Goodenow, hearing Gary's stance, would say the Evil Union of players (except the protest from Toronto) was behind the Pretzel Plan, but only because he must take up a contrary position to Gary. Don Cherry would rant that, since there aren't enough Kingston Boys in Habland, there was no honour in our moves (but his collar would look nice, though his tie would probably slay 14 angry savannah tigers).

Finally, the Gods of Toronto would argue that, after all, Pretzel's out side of Toronto just don't count because they aren't in the centre of the Universe.

I think Shayne Corson would giggle and quit the Leafs again, just for the heck of it.

ACF

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Old
12-09-2003, 10:13 AM
  #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy!
...
That's gold!

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Old
12-09-2003, 10:28 AM
  #35
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We should bow down to the Pretzel Gods so they can show us the way to the cup. HEy we should try putting Sacred Salt on the Sacred Pretzel and gaze upon their glory!

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Old
12-09-2003, 10:31 AM
  #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy!
.....
LMAO

Count me in as a follower of the Sacred Pretzel, I want the pictures so I can build a Altar in my appartment! Let's start some celebations to send positive energie to the Habs throught the Sacred Pretzel!


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Old
12-09-2003, 11:04 AM
  #37
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I'm just going to pray that this mission be successful, and that mcphee hold himself back from eating the sacred pretzel.

Now give me a few minutes with G-d, please.


Praying in progress.

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Old
12-09-2003, 11:40 AM
  #38
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Brisebois, I was just driving down a country road when my mind went to Darz's post with 'mmmmmmmmmmm sacred pretzels' and I think it was divine intervention that kept me on the road. Between that,Bill calling the pretzel 'his precious' and Guy's post, I've been pretty well out of control all afternoon.
Stop making me laugh damnit, I've got Leaf fans to fight off. They'll probably get jealous and come up with their own sacred rice cake or granola bar though.

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Old
12-09-2003, 11:45 AM
  #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcphee
Stop making me laugh damnit, I've got Leaf fans to fight off. They'll probably get jealous and come up with their own sacred rice cake or granola bar though.
Pfffffff...........sacred rice cake, sacred granola bar. C'mon....those sounds pretty stupid.










Now back to dreaming about the sacred pretzel.

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Old
12-09-2003, 11:49 AM
  #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcphee
They'll probably get jealous and come up with their own sacred rice cake or granola bar though.
Perhaps sacred w(h)ine?

*cough cough*

EDIT: Or maybe *Cheese* to go with their wine! Ahhhhhh....



Last edited by Guy!: 12-09-2003 at 01:22 PM.
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Old
12-09-2003, 12:46 PM
  #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcphee
Brisebois, I was just driving down a country road when my mind went to Darz's post with 'mmmmmmmmmmm sacred pretzels' and I think it was divine intervention that kept me on the road. Between that,Bill calling the pretzel 'his precious' and Guy's post, I've been pretty well out of control all afternoon.
Stop making me laugh damnit, I've got Leaf fans to fight off. They'll probably get jealous and come up with their own sacred rice cake or granola bar though.
Divine intervention???

I thought my prayers had stopped working after eating those pork chops last yom kippur.


Maybe my Kvetching worked.

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Old
12-09-2003, 02:08 PM
  #42
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oh man...talk about some creative juices going on here (or is just too much time on some people's hands?) this stuff was funny as hell man, it's nice to clear away from daily critism with sacred pretzels, i mean, what's better than a sacred pretzel? i want in on that club boys....and i do kung-fu, so if those damn leaf fans come rambling around like they do downtown (god i hate it when they do that crap) we can setup a nice little trap hehe

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12-09-2003, 02:22 PM
  #43
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Old
12-09-2003, 05:37 PM
  #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcphee
Stop making me laugh damnit, I've got Leaf fans to fight off. They'll probably get jealous and come up with their own sacred rice cake or granola bar though.

you know they will go out and buy those maple frosted cookies that come in the shape of a maple leaf and worship those.

or they might buy a cretain flag with a maple leaf in the middle of 2 red stripes, and call it devine intervention, and take it as a sign that their quest will be fufilled as well.

it probably will not work though so the faithful will just go back to whining and saying that tucker for federov and a 2nd is a good trade for anaheim

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Old
12-10-2003, 02:18 AM
  #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shaolin_goon
we can setup a nice little trap hehe
No! We refuse to play the trap for any reason... the Sacred Pretzel deserves better.

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Old
12-10-2003, 04:24 AM
  #46
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I know the significance we all attribute to this pretzel, and it must be taken seriously, perhaps even as an omen.

Therefore, as self-appointed Keeper of the Proud Tradition, I have drunkeneth of the beer and partakeneth of the elixir, and examined the entrails of the nut mix as the Full Moon was rising, and here is my thought :

IT’S ONLY A FRIGGIN’ PRETZEL !

EAT IT !

It’s not like it’s a magic hockey card, or a lucky sweater. It’s not even a special beer mug (although a lucky beer has been known to occur).

A pretzel is like a chip, its magic begins to fade as soon as you open the bag. Therefore, it must be eaten as fresh as possible. To celebrate a goal, for instance, or even a nice save by our goalie.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s a very special pretzel, and we win a game because you “bit the pretzel” at the right moment. But that is just luck, admit it. Don’t count on that old pretzel when the playoffs roll around, no siree. By then, it’ll be stale and mouldy, and not even worth a pinotte. .

So if you don’t eat that pretzel soon, McPhee, you will have lost whatever power might be left in this hallowed junk-foodstuff. In time, you will forget it, and it will slowly rot away in the cupboard. It might fall to the floor, where the kids, the dog, or even the goats, will get to it.

DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN ! The pretzel MUST be eaten by Habs’ fan.

By the way, you’ll also have to consecrate a scat bag, but that’s another story – just trust your instincts. If you’re not sure about the purification ritual, PM me, or better yet don’t, and say you did.

If you’re not sure what to do, just give me the pretzel, McPhee, I know exactly what to do with it…

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Old
12-10-2003, 04:30 AM
  #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gros Bill
I know the significance we all attribute to this pretzel, and it must be taken seriously, perhaps even as an omen.

Therefore, as self-appointed Keeper of the Proud Tradition, I have drunkeneth of the beer and partakeneth of the elixir, and examined the entrails of the nut mix as the Full Moon was rising, and here is my thought :

IT’S ONLY A FRIGGIN’ PRETZEL !

EAT IT !

It’s not like it’s a magic hockey card, or a lucky sweater. It’s not even a special beer mug (although a lucky beer has been known to occur).

A pretzel is like a chip, its magic begins to fade as soon as you open the bag. Therefore, it must be eaten as fresh as possible. To celebrate a goal, for instance, or even a nice save by our goalie.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s a very special pretzel, and we win a game because you “bit the pretzel” at the right moment. But that is just luck, admit it. Don’t count on that old pretzel when the playoffs roll around, no siree. By then, it’ll be stale and mouldy, and not even worth a pinotte. .

So if you don’t eat that pretzel soon, McPhee, you will have lost whatever power might be left in this hallowed junk-foodstuff. In time, you will forget it, and it will slowly rot away in the cupboard. It might fall to the floor, where the kids, the dog, or even the goats, will get to it.

DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN ! The pretzel MUST be eaten by Habs’ fan.

By the way, you’ll also have to consecrate a scat bag, but that’s another story – just trust your instincts. If you’re not sure about the purification ritual, PM me, or better yet don’t, and say you did.

If you’re not sure what to do, just give me the pretzel, McPhee, I know exactly what to do with it…
Heretic!!! Oh doubter of the Pretzel. Repent Sir, Repent.

I put forth a motion to have Gros Bill stoned with beer nuts until he purifies his soul and embraces the Pretzel.

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Old
12-10-2003, 04:48 AM
  #48
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adam: "Gros Bill you are held in high treason"

Gros Bill: "against whom?"

adam: "against your sacred pretzel"

Gros Bill: "never in my whole life have i swore allegience to that pretzel"

adam: "it matters not. it is still your pretzel. confess and you will receive a quick death, deny and you must be purified by pain."

adam: "do you confess"

PAUSE

adam: "DO YOU CONFESS"

adam: "then on the morrow you will receive your purification."


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Old
12-10-2003, 04:50 AM
  #49
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I believe the stress had gotten to Bill, it looks like he has finally cracked. From here on in he will only be a hinderance to the cause, we have no choice but to leave him behind. Would someone please erase his memory and toss him in the first ditch we can find.

Mcphee, please do not allow the stress of being the keeper of the pretzel get to you like it so obviously has gotten to Bill. The preztel must be protected at all costs!!!!!! Human sacrific is a small price to pay for our salty grail!!!!!

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Old
12-10-2003, 05:18 AM
  #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by habfan4
Heretic!!! Oh doubter of the Pretzel. Repent Sir, Repent.

I put forth a motion to have Gros Bill stoned with beer nuts until he purifies his soul and embraces the Pretzel.

Before the game we shall all prey to thy Sacred Pretzel. We thy power it will bring the energy that Julien needs to keep Audette in the stands!

You must all repeat to thy Sacred Pretzel :

With Audette in the stands we have a win in our hands!
With Audette in the stands we have a win in our hands!
With Audette in the stands we have a win in our hands!

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